Paranoid about how I look

[ghutt208]

Hi everyone, I recently joined SA community. I used to be a member many years ago under the name Here4help. Since I was last on the forums I have progressed greatly in life.
About 10 years ago I was just out of uni and was unemployed and single and still living at home. I struggled with social anxiety, OCD and an image problem about looking young for my age and how strangers perceived me because of it. There was also a great deal of paranoia. At my worst I rarely left the house and I saw a psychologist, a psychiatrist, a counsellor and also paid a hypnotherapist. The only thing that helped me was antipsychotics (I am still on a low dose which I take daily).
I am now married with a 2 year old daughter and have held a permanent job with the NHS for 7 years now (working through the pandemic).
I still from time to time get annoyed about how strangers perceive me (although not as bad as years ago). I am now a 33 year old man but I still think that I look young for my age. I still get called ‘buddy’, ‘mate’, and ‘lad’ by other men and get ‘love’ etc from women. I also remember last year getting called ‘young man’ by a stranger. Today was getting my hair cut and I heard the young fella saying to his boss ‘will I get this boy here’ (he was most definitely younger than I am)
I hope that my ‘problem’ gets better as the years pass as I will inevitably get older looking eventually. I am maybe not as young looking as I used to be as I never get asked for identification anymore. Can anyone else relate?

[Sunrise]

I honestly think those are all words men get called at any age. Even "young man" is often used in a sort-of jokey way when you're older. I don't think people are necessarily implying that you look young (not that it would be a bad thing anyway), and I certainly don't think any of it is meant in a derogatory way. I honestly think you're reading too much into it, it's just the way people talk. I'm around your age and get called all those things.

[Percy]

I used to get paranoid about how I looked but I'm fine about it now.

Nowadays, sometimes I look in the mirror and think "you know Percy you're not a bad looking chap actually". Other days I look in the mirror and think "damn you're an ugly bastard".

[ghutt208]

Thank you for your reply. Yes it could be words some people use all the time with random strangers, not necessarily age related. In saying that you wouldn’t call someone older over 50 ‘buddy’ or ‘lad’. Sir would be more appropriate.

[anewyear]

Originally Posted by ghutt208

Thank you for your reply. Yes it could be words some people use all the time with random strangers, not necessarily age related. In saying that you wouldn’t call someone older over 50 ‘buddy’ or ‘lad’. Sir would be more appropriate.

I'm 51 and wouldn't have a problem calling someone my age "buddy" and wouldn't feel offended if someone younger called me that. I'd generally take it as a compliment actually; familiarity or relaxed in their approach. It obviously depends upon the situation though. I wouldn't use the word lad in the same way though.

[biscuits]

Hi ghutt! I remember Here4Help welcome back and congratulations on your little one

I'm not a man so can't really relate to this. Something I can relate to is the OCD part and intrusive thoughts and worries. It makes us ruminate over things that match our worries. Like we're looking for evidence through an OCD lens that filters out anything that doesn't fit the OCD thoughts.

Let's explore the terms:

Young man - 33 is a young man
Lad - I also hear people say they're going to *whatever place* with the boys or the lads, as term of endearment rather than an indication of age.
Love - often isn't used as an indication of age perception. I call people love to be silly when I want them to get a move on haha
The barber calling you a boy - Younger people find aging others the most challenging, so the person calling you boy in the barbers will have an old or young schema of people. When you're young you think 30 is ancient haha


It could be that you look younger than you are and that's very common at 33. I can see why that would be frustrating when you feel older with a life, wife and child.

It's really helpful to look at the circle of control when it comes to OCD.

[ghutt208]

Thank you for your feedback, I wish I could care less about what strangers think of me. It is the people closest to me that should matter the most.

[limey123]

When I was in my teens and 20s and even well into my 30s I looked ridiculously young for my age. I copped constant shit from people, not being taken seriously, even bullied sometimes. But now, nearly 50, the tables have turned and it's a benefit tbh looking younger than I am. So every cloud has a silver lining, even if you have to be patient before you can enjoy it.