#121
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Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder
Mate you're not ****ing ugly.
You're not that teenager anymore, but that's what you see looking back at you. |
#122
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Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder
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#123
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Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder
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I won't mess about and bullshit you. I told you I could see why people bullied you and you felt like shit about the way you looked in that pic you posted of yourself as a teen. But you don't look like that anymore mate. Btw do you think you're better looking than me? I've had girls fancy me in the past who I fancied rotten and were definetly good looking, one of them pretty much wanted to rape me lol. In fact two did lol, and 100% I could have shagged them all, but I was avoidant and hated my body. In the end I just slept with an escort because my hormones were raging and it was a simple in and out job, well more than once over the space of 2 hours , and I would never have to see her again. There's nothing wrong you with you're a good looking guy in every pic I've seen, and wouldn't think twice seeing you walking down the road with a hot wench. |
#124
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Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder
I think most of SAUK, after seeing you and pictures of me plastered all over the bloody place, will say that you're better looking than me, and seeing that I've had attention from some attractive wenches in the past, that surely means that you could get some attention from nice wenches, or blokes, too.
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#125
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Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder
^ arseholes is what they are. Ditch em and stop letting them treat you as an object of ridicule to buoy there own self esteem issues, which probably correspond to having the iq of a walnut.
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#126
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Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder
You can't please everybody.
I've been told several things about the way I look, which had only reinforced my negative self perception; the bad stuff usually comes from my family! "You're getting too fat" "You have a thick neck like your grandmother" "Your nose is only nice from a side view". When I'm out, I assume people look at me and think similar things. I definitely feel my appearance is judged first and foremost above anything else as a woman, too-- that's difficult to deal with when you're not conventionally attractive. If I'm totally honest with you guys, this is the biggest thing holding me back. It's been holding me back for years. I can't go a day without carefully examining my face and body in the mirror, taking measurements and thinking myself into misery with this crap. I remember opening up to my therapist about having to weigh myself every day and his response was "Stop stuffing your face and you might like what you see". :/ |
#127
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Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder
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I never had that from my parents and tbh I've hardley had anything to do with my family, but they probably made the same comments towards me that other ***** made when growing up. Btw you ARE a bloody attractive woman and family members who said those things were jealous of you or just being horrible twats like your bellend brother. Trust me you're a lovely looking wench and I'd gobble you right up if I could, Starting with them tootsies. Quote:
What's wrong with your body? I saw a stunning looking wench not long back and she was HUGE, but I'd have loved to have got lost in them rolls tbh. Btw straight blokes are under just as much pressure to look good. More so than ever. |
#128
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Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder
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#129
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Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder
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#130
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Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder
The way you describe it is exactly how I feel too, abc. I have no expectation to ever look 'good', and I'm fairly at peace with that (being dismissively told 'we can't all look like Johnny Depp' would make me lose faith that a therapist understood me at all) I'd be totally fine with just looking like an average human man, or even well below average. I genuinely feel like I'm deformed and damaged, that none of my features or proportions are right, and the stress it causes isn't about a desire to be attractive, it's the sense that I'm increasingly slipping away from looking like an actual person, like the stitching in my human suit are coming loose as time goes by.
It's funny, because I don't think anyone's outright drawn attention to my appearance since my school days (where everyone had some joke to crack), but that doesn't change how I feel because I've avoided most of the situations where people would point it out. I've never had a job, I don't go to pubs, I don't really go out anywhere at all, and don't dare make friends for fear of judgement and rejection, and certainly wouldn't even consider trying to have a relationship these days. I can't imagine the kinds of things that'd still be said about me if I had to live a normal lifestyle and had no choice but to mix with people. |
#131
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Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder
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#132
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Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder
I have the same issue with photos of myself . I had my photo taken last night and I looked horrendous in it. Seeing photos of myself completely crushes my already low self esteem. I somehow look different in the mirror at home to how I do in photos. I mean I never think I look great when I look in the mirror but photographs just take it to a new level. It's really affected my mood today and I've just wanted to hide away and cry.
It's difficult when we live in a world of social media and selfies. Everyone else seems to look great and, to me, they look the same in photos as they do in real life - which leads me to believe the photo me is how I really look. |
#133
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Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder
I'm really struggling today. I've spent more than two hours in tears and listing off all the things that bother me. I'm such a mess. My most recent obsession is my hooded eyes, and I swear can see fine lines, not sure if it's me distorting things or not.
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#134
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Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder
Thank you Cheshire Cat. That is a lovely way to look at it, I wish it was as easy as being able to ignore my mind, Mine is wired to just constantly focus on negatives unfortunately.
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#135
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Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder
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You're of course right, it's not easy, which is an understatement, but it's not impossible either |
#136
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Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder
Looking at photos is now unbearable. Sometimes I even look in the mirror and think I look kind of ok and then I see photos and see what I REALLY look like and I look like a monster. Aside from my body which is now absolutely gigantic, my nose and mouth also don't fit with the rest of my face. I look like I have a deformity. My chin is awful. Not just the fact I have three of them, but the shape of it. I have a cleft chin and looking at it makes me feel sick. It looks cute on some people. I guess because the rest of their faces aren't hideous.
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#137
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Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder
Sort of feeling in a bit of a pickle at the moment... I don't know if there's any advice to be offered really, but I'm not sure how to go about managing my feelings regarding this.
My boyfriend has been very passionate about drawing and painting for a long time now, and this week has mentioned that he'd like to sign up for a life drawing class. I don't want to act like a paranoid and insecure girlfriend by bringing up my anxieties regarding the fact that he'll be seeing multiple naked women in the flesh, for hours on end, but I think because of the fact I'm so uncomfortable with my own looks and body I'm starting to feel a bit upset at the prospect of this. It's not that I don't trust him, or suspect he's doing it for sexual gratification rather than purely an artistic endeavor, but it just reminds me in a glaringly obvious way of how different I am to someone who's more than happy to pose completely nude in front of attentive eyes. I don't feel I want to ask him not to sign up to this, as that would make me feel terrible and I don't feel it'd be fair on him, but I also suspect I'm going to feel uncomfortable about it in the sense it's not going to help my issues with myself. I know the models are likely to be of all shapes and sizes, and that's great, but considering how embarassed I am about my own appearance I feel even more shit now I know he'll be in the presence of people who don't suffer from that same negativity about themselves, regardless of how their figures actually compare to my own. I'm the type of person who'll drive themselves crazy wondering what type of body he saw the night before, or what he's thinking about how self-conscious I am compared to the models... I'm never openly this verbally insecure, but internally I must admit this is unfortunately how I feel. And this has sort of come at a bad time, really, considering I was edging up to the point of trying to think "**** it" and slowly just trying to combat my fears (showing certain parts of my body, etc.). I just feel unsettled by it. I know anybody can, and most do, access pictures and videos of porn and naked people on the internet, and I actually don't feel all that bothered by that, but for some reason the 'in the flesh' nature of this affects me differently. Perhaps because it's not supposed to be set up as a purely sexually stimulating scenario, without much authenticity to it, but more related to appreciating the beauty of the human form... real people, right there. He'll be seeing more of women who are strangers to him than I'm currently comfortable enough to show. That seems a bit messed up. How can I feel more comfortable about this and less insecure? I know I'm being somewhat silly but due to this BDD (though of course I want to argue that I definitely do have some very real flaws that I think would make anyone else feel just as horrendous...) I admittedly do feel somewhat 'threatened', in terms of self-esteem, by the prospect of this. |
#138
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Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder
Just wondering, does anyone else find it helps to quiet these thoughts if you see other people with similar 'faults'? I started to focus a lot on my glasses sitting unevenly a few months ago, and recently got new ones which I think are slightly crooked too, despite taking them back to be adjusted. I think it's likely that my face just isn't entirely symmetrical.
I was just googling for things like crooked/uneven/wonky glasses and whenever I saw a picture of someone where it was noticeable, it kind of dulled that inner voice that tells me I'm deformed, if only a little. I didn't think anything negative about those people, I just thought 'Huh, their glasses are slightly lopsided, so what?' And yet I have this fear that if mine are off by so much as a millimetre it's going to be obvious (and hilarious) to everyone who sees me, and I should be ashamed. Especially helpful was when the photo was from a blog or whatever, and they were quite self-aware and blasé about it. Made me think 'Oh god, why can't I be you?' |
#139
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Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder
I have since convinced myself I have crooked, uneven eyes, and therefore the face of Sloth from the Goonies. Thanks for that, brain.
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#141
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Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder
I have no official diagnosis but do feel I experience BDD to a degree.
I think it stems from when I was bulimic in my early 20s. Prior to that I had no body image issues, but during that time when I lost a lot of weight, and in the time since, I genuinely don't have any concept of what I really look like. How I see myself in the mirror is directly influenced by my state of mind: on a good, confident day I will see a slimmer, more angular, more attractive reflection whereas on down, anxious days I will see an overweight, round faced, double chinned blob (for want of a better word). On any given day I could not give you an accurate representation of my size/shape and it baffles me. |
#142
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Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder
I am hating myself alot more than usual, I cant stand the look of myself, but I cant stop looking in the mirror and thinking how ugly and stupid i look. why do I have to look like this? why cant I be normal? I really wish I cold change the way I think but I cant ever seem to be happy. its no wonder I have no friends, im so horrible
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#145
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Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder
^^ This is like me too. Sometimes I'm all like 'I don't give two' and just get on with things. Other times I give twenty and constantly think about it. I wish I could offer some useful, reliable advice, but just when I think I've cracked it for me things tend to swing back.
I hope stuff gets better soon, gurl. |
#146
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Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder
I'm starting to think I might struggle with this to some extent but I don't know what do the rest of you think? It doesn't seem anywhere as severe as what others have described but I can relate to many things posted here. When I look in the mirror I don't think I look too bad sometimes and there are even times where I think I look pretty good. But then I feel like the reality is so much different especially when I see myself on photos. People in the past have actually told me I'm handsome but I can't really accept it. I don't consider myself to be hideously ugly but maybe just below average...from certain angles. There are photos where I think I look completely awful and I can't bare to look at them. It seems to be mainly on one side of my face though - the right-hand side. I've obssessed over it at times taking photos over and over and my opinion never changes. It bothers me so much that I try not to let people see the right-side of my face. When I travel on a bus I will always sit on the right row of seats. If I'm talking to people I try to position myself so they're on my left side. Now that I think about it I do this sometimes even when I'm not consciously thinking about it. I'll always try to sit so that the right side of my face is revealed to as few people as possible. With people I know very well and I'm a lot more comfortable with this is far less of an issue but when I'm in a public area I'll be sitting in the furthest corner possible.
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#147
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Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder
I think this still affects me. I used to think I was monstrously ugly. Especially at school and my late teens/early 20s. I was thin but always felt fat.
Now I am 27, I mostly avoid mirrors. Avoid selfies. If I look at myself I worry my skin is ageing badly and feel bad that I have gained weight (three stone since 2013). I don't bother much with the way I look and mostly wear loose tshirts. |
#148
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Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder
In all other areas of my life I feel quite hopeful about being able to change, but with my appearance the struggle just won't dissipate.
I had an outing with my work colleagues this week and inevitably made it into a few photographs. Thankfully none taken up close, but it's enough to give me that familiar sinking feeling. I find it so upsetting to not feel comfortable being in pictures and to not be able to identify with my physical self in a healthy way, like most people take for granted. I can recognise it's me in the pictures, but only really because I know that's where I was sitting/what I was wearing. How odd is that? My face looks nothing like what I see in the mirror (not that what I see in that's ok... but it's so incredibly different). I don't understand. Everyone else I see in the pictures I'm in usually look exactly like they did at that moment in time, so I assume I must also. I think my brain keeps trying to tell me that no, somehow something in the camera's got distorted, rather than it being my actual face, as some sort of coping mechanism/denial. But whatever's going on, I'm so disturbed by what I'm seeing. It would mean the world to me to be able to see myself in a photograph and be able to treasure it as a keepsake related to a happy memory, but instead I always end up feeling shaken up and like I can no longer participate in social outings. Any enjoyment I might have had whilst being out is ruined. I just want a normal looking face, but feel mine is very far removed from that. I can't even put a finger on why... it's everything really. No nice features, odd hair, terrible scarred skin... no one real redeeming feature :/ and then I feel guilt for sounding so vain. But it's just normality I want really. Just what most other people seem to have. I've made a lot of progress generally, social-anxiety wise, over the last few years, but this problem has always been there hanging over me. I feel so depressed by it. |
#149
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Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder
I was diagnosed with it several years ago, its terrible. Theres no easy way around it. For me therapy never really helped. But what does help is medication and Support Groups.
I haven't read through all the messages here so I don't know if they have already been mentioned; but support groups helped me massively. It was a big hurdle actually going to one, but once i was there it was great. I was like i was among my own people lol Some advice thats helped me in the past is to not ask reassurance questions to family/friends. Like 'Do I look fat, does my skin look okay?' etc. Because no matter what they say you wont be happy with their answer. If they say you look great you automatically think they're just being kind or lying. And if they say you look ugly etc then well..you know how that goes. it will just cause arguments and friction as they most likely wont understand. Remember to remind yourself that you have Body Dysmorphic Disorder, and if you dont believe that your mind can distort what you see and that your just 'ugly'. Look at anorexic people who think they are fat when they are extremely skinny. For me thats the clearest example of how much your mind can alter what you see. |
#150
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Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder
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The reassurance angle is also a trap so many people who are trying to help fall into. Naturally so, of course. The problem is though; when you contradict a person's self concept, it will defend itself no matter how dysfunctional and destructive that self concept may be. The helper cannot change the person's self concept through reassurance when it comes to BDD. How the helper sees the sufferer is irrelevant. How they see themselves is everything. The shift in perspective has to come from within the sufferer and, of course, that's difficult. It's amazing just how much we human beings buy into the stories our minds tell us, isn't it? Although my mind doesn't give me the BDD line, it has certainly fed me a whole heap of distressing horseshit in my time. I suppose I eventually got around that by letting my mind feed me that rubbish but deciding to live my life anyway. Rather than crawling under a rock because my head was telling me I was a useless waste of a human body, I suppose I decided to come out and live no matter what my mind was saying. So, a small shift in perspective, but one that's given me my life back. Anyway, I'm rambling now. But it's good to see that support groups have been useful for you. I wish you all the very best in overcoming this issue. |