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  #1  
Old 25th July 2005, 10:08
Anon Anon is offline
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Default Collection of SA/self-help book recommendation threads and links to free CBT

Hi All.

Has anyone read any good practical books for overcoming shyness/SA Or have any recomendations? Id quite like to read a book that gives me some practical exersises etc.

Jen
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  #2  
Old 25th July 2005, 10:42
Xhael Xhael is offline
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Default Re: Books on SA

Not so much a practical book but I recommend Feel the fear and do it anyway.
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  #3  
Old 25th July 2005, 11:21
Anon Anon is offline
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Default Re: Books on SA

Thankyou,

Ive got 'fear the fear' at home (its my brothers) so I will definently read that.

Is the 'manage anxiety and panic attacks' book more to do with panic attacks etc because I fortunately dont suffer from this - although I do get anxiety. What sort of things does the book suggest?

Thanks again,
Jen
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  #4  
Old 25th July 2005, 12:58
Boc11 Boc11 is offline
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Default Re: Books on SA

I have a collection of self-help books that would put Bridget Jones to shame and none of them have helped me one little bit but I guess they might be good for some people, people vary in what they are receptive to. I think the only thing that I'd be receptive to is a damn good kick up the arse.
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  #5  
Old 25th July 2005, 13:03
pboy pboy is offline
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Default Re: Books on SA

I hate self-help books, blergh. The only books helping me really are more philosophical type books, you know, wisdomy type books.
I prefer self-help audio CD's and tapes over books. Much easier to understand.
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  #6  
Old 26th July 2005, 12:04
jontyboyoh jontyboyoh is offline
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Default Re: Books on SA

I'd definitely recommend 'Feel the Fear.....' (Jeffers).

Thought 'Overcoming Low Self-Esteem' (CBT) was good, but way too much to take in and I'm more philosophical/spiritual than cognitive these days.

Another one by Jeffers, which deals with more spiritual/personal growth is 'End the Struggle and Dance with Life'....... I think its brill!

Personally, my best is 'The Road Less Travelled'...... Not for everyone, and it scared the shit out of me with its tough love and honesty at first, but I've found it really beneficial.

I know I've kind of recommended this to you, Boc, in the past and if its a kick up yo' ass you need I think this is ideal!

Laters!
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  #7  
Old 26th July 2005, 13:11
Boc11 Boc11 is offline
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Default Re: Books on SA

Yes, I've just started reading 'The Road Less Travelled' actually, I like the fact that it has a different, more philosophical approach as CBT books haven't helped me. Hopefully this will give me the kick up the arse I need!!!
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  #8  
Old 26th July 2005, 14:39
chinup
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Default Re: Books on SA

If you have parent related issues, the book 'Toxic Parents' by Dr Susan Forward comes highly recommended.
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  #9  
Old 26th July 2005, 16:40
pboy pboy is offline
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Default Re: Books on SA

I think I am gonna read Road Less Travelled too...it's been next to my PC for a while, my mum gave it to me, I thought it was just another crappy book.
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  #10  
Old 23rd August 2005, 13:31
pboy pboy is offline
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Default "Highly sensitive person"

This is something I have heard mentioned on here before, what does everyone think about it? Are you a highly sensitive person? I dont know what to make of it. I feel like I am, but then again I dont want to convince myself that Im a certain way when I may not have to be.

Theres a book on amazon about it:

http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/...415544-2151841

What are everyones thoughts?
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  #11  
Old 23rd August 2005, 13:41
AdamUK AdamUK is offline
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Default Re: "Highly sensitive person"

yea im pretty sure i am, im going loan that book from the library.
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  #12  
Old 23rd August 2005, 14:17
threadbare threadbare is offline
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Default Re: "Highly sensitive person"

i've read it. i found parts of it helpful and original. i think in many ways heightened sensitivity is a privilege that many of us don't know how to appreciate, because we are heavily conditioned to see it as a character flaw. i don't like the term HSP much though - to me it sounds a little precious. but i know the book has helped a lot of people - maybe because there are so many only too willing to knock 'sensitivity' as a trait, so i think that a book like this goes some way to redressing that balance. i think you'd like it pboy.
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  #13  
Old 23rd August 2005, 16:29
The Lonely,Boney One
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Default Re: "Highly sensitive person"

Hey!, Iam actually reading this book at the moment!

I havnt got very far so cannot comment to much, Iam still at the beggining where it gives details on how to identify if your a HSP, I am, though it seems so many of these physciatric books I read I can identify with, many be its just though that I see the book description in myself so am motivated to be it?, ie I havnt been tempted to buy books on axe muderers.
Then again, I think a lot of these physciatric problems are reallated and stem from the same problem. (They *u*k you up, your parents).
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  #14  
Old 23rd August 2005, 17:03
OldBailey OldBailey is offline
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Default Re: "Highly sensitive person"

You can take a test to see if you are an HSP on her website.

Personally, like threadbare, I'm not too keen on the term 'highly sensitive' and would prefer something like 'highly reactive' or 'highly responsive'; partly because 'sensitive' can mean sensitive to the feelings of others (which HSPs aren't necessarily) and partly because it's just less girly.

It's this girliness that is my biggest problem with the book. There's a lot of talk about spirituality in it which I can't relate to at all. Also she has a tendency to make suggestions which strike me as being rediculously inapplicable to me and most (straight) HSP males e.g. HSPs are capable of looking at an arrangement of flowers and tell the mood of the person who arranged them.

I find it hard to love being an HSP as Aron suggests because it's viewed as such a bad thing for a bloke to be by this culture. To her credit, Aron does mention this a number of times in her book but doesn't offer any real solutions. Her main recommendation seems to be to have 3 years of Jungian analysis. I just haven't got the money for that and she doesn't offer any evidence that it would be beneficial only conjecture.

I don't want to sound like I'm negative about the book. I only mention these issues because I've sung its praises a number of times on here already. I would recommend anyone with SA at least checks out her website. It does give a much needed insight in to the upside of being this way. I'd still rather not be though.
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  #15  
Old 23rd August 2005, 17:38
threadbare threadbare is offline
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Default Re: "Highly sensitive person"

i had those kind of reservations before i read the book too Nick. but from what i can remember it doesn't equate SA with being Highly Sensitive. i think it makes the point that SA is something that is more likely to develop if you are innately sensitive - but i am pretty sure it acknowledges that SA can be a maladaptive manifestation of this trait. (although it is a fair while since i read it so i could be wrong. that could be an interpretation i am overlaying on it retrospectively). the contentious thing is that sensitivity in a person is innate and physical and not something which has developed as the result of environmental over-arousal. it also seems to equate high sensitivity with introversion, which is also discussed as though it were an innate characteristic. the empowering thing about it is that it presents the concept that you can be highly sensitive and still make an equally worthwhile contribution to society as those with more extroverted, 'less sensitive' personality styles. it helped me to see things from this perspective, because it showed quite convincingly that there are aspects of heightened sensitivity which can be enjoyed, and that it can be viewed as a strength. i'd give it a read and see what you think - you might soften your views slightly or find some bits you are able to use.
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  #16  
Old 23rd August 2005, 18:50
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Default Re: "Highly sensitive person"

That looks like an interesting book, I think I will buy it.
I would definitely say I am highly sensitive.
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  #17  
Old 23rd August 2005, 19:27
OldBailey OldBailey is offline
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Default Re: "Highly sensitive person"

Quote:
Originally Posted by nickabcuk
And introversion definitely isn't innate if that's what the book implies.
It doesn't. One of the main points in the book is that HSPs aren't necesarily introverted and neurotic. There's nothing in the test or in the book to suggest that HSPs aren't extroverts.

She is also very keen on the idea that people expose themselves to situations that make them anxious in order to reduce the overstimulation that these situations produce. She definitely doesn't say that anxiety can't be changed or that it is an inevitable result of being an HSP.

One of the most powerful ideas in the book was that HSPs have to get themselves out into the world and make their voice heard because the world needs their input as much as it needs the input of the more in-your-face types. I certainly wouldn't describe the book as 'disempowering'.
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  #18  
Old 23rd August 2005, 20:52
pboy pboy is offline
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Default Re: "Highly sensitive person"

I kind of agree with Nick which is why I am also unsure of this book - I dont want to label myself as being a certain way that makes me think that it's ok to be quiet and stuff, when I dont want to be quiet and stuff. I mean I know it is ok and that sensitive traits should be valued, but I am a bit wary of this HSP thing.

I'll add it to my reading list though, for the future
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  #19  
Old 23rd August 2005, 20:53
pboy pboy is offline
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Default Re: "Highly sensitive person"

PS - It's bits like this that are off-putting:

"Dear Highly Sensitive Person (HSP)
...or anyone raising a highly sensitive child (HSC),"
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  #20  
Old 24th August 2005, 11:58
OldBailey OldBailey is offline
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Default Re: "Highly sensitive person"

There's some tilting at windmills going on in this thread. Here's a quote from the book:

Most people confuse sensitivity with shyness... <Shyness> is a certain state, not an always-present trait. Shyness, even chronic shyness, is not inherited. Sensitivity is. And while chronic shyness does develop more in HSPs, it needn't. I have met many HSPs who are almost never shy."

Here's another:

"The way to come to tolerate and then enjoy being involved in the world is by being in the world.

I do not say any of this lightly, however. I was someone who mostly avoided the world until midlife, when I was more or less forced to change by powerful inner events. Since then I have had to face some fear, overarousal, and discomfort almost every day. This is serious business and isn't fun. But it really can be done. And it feels wonderful to be out there succeeding."

Aron does NOT say that it's ok to be 'quiet and stuff' if you don't want to be or that inhibitedness is an inborn and unchangeable trait. In fact, she questions describing people, particularly children, as inhibited at all and prefers to see them as being more cautious.
As I said before, I do have some problems with the book (particularly the twee writing style and the therapy recommendations) but there is a lot of good in it.

If you can't wait to read the book before slagging it off, try this:

"The other type of information comes from psychologists trying to help people with their shyness. Their style is to first make you worried so you'll be motivated, then to take you step by step through some pretty sophisticated, well-researched methods of changing your behaviours. This approach can be effective but also has some problems for HSPs, although it may seem more suited to you. Talk about "curing" your shyness or "conquering your syndrome" cannot help but make you feel flawed, and it overlooks the positive side of your trait.

Whatever advice you read or hear, remember that you do not have to accept how the extraverted three-quarters of the population defines social skills - working the room, always having a good comeback, never allowing "awkward" silences. You have your own skills - talking seriously, listening well, allowing silences in which deeper thoughts can develop."

I wouldn't entirely agree with that but it is quite refreshing to hear someone say that I'm allowed to have my own way of doing things and don't have to do what everyone else does. Note the words "DO NOT HAVE TO". She doesn't say you can't if you want to.
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  #21  
Old 24th August 2005, 14:06
mantha
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Default Re: "Highly sensitive person"

I recently finished reading this book after hearing it recommended countless times. Its good to get the refreshing perspective of someone who believes that being highly sensitive is not always a flaw, but actually a quality we can feel proud of.

Its is like a breath of fresh air to, for once, not be told to get rid of it, or that I should learn to overcome this terrible hinderence etc. That's not to say the author doesn't encourage you to go out into the world, but neither does she advocate that you should deny your trait, rather, she encourages you to learn to work with it and use it to your advantage.

Acceptance and the ability to see what I once only thought of as a major flaw in my personality more as a gift I must learn to use and one which, for that matter, the world actually does value and need (despite what I am repeatedly told) ... is what I got out of this book.

Also, I learnt to recognise that high sensitivity is not the weak trait our culture and even many western psycologists make make it out to be. For example... the book explains how in China, sensitive children are seen as more intelligent and are more popular and well liked by their peers. Whereas here, in the Western world, is is the opposite senario - sensitive children tend to be less popular and seen as not as capable as their peers and less intelligent. That alone, was huge revelation to me and the book is full of little gems like that. It will make you question the way both yourself and others view this trait.

I do agree with Nick about labelling yourself as one thing though - there is a certain danger in that. But the refreshing perspective of this book probably far outweighs that.

For people who already know they are HSPs, there is also a highly sensitive person support group you can join:

HSP Support Group
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  #22  
Old 24th August 2005, 17:09
OldBailey OldBailey is offline
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Default Re: "Highly sensitive person"

Quote:
Originally Posted by mantha
For people who already know they are HSPs, there is also a highly sensitive person support group you can join:

HSP Support Group
I hate it when you have to write to the moderator justifying why you should be allowed in the group. I never know what to say. I saw an SA group with this; it's wonder they had any members at all.
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  #23  
Old 25th August 2005, 12:52
Boc11 Boc11 is offline
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Default Re: "Highly sensitive person"

Yes, I am definitely an HSP. I have read Elaine Aron's book and while it had some useful concepts in it, I didn't get a lot out of it. I kind of agree with Nick, putting 'labels' on people probably isn't a good idea although I think that sensitivity is most definitely a positive trait. Yes, if somebody is painfully sensitive than it can be negative but in an increasingly insensitive world, we definitely need more HSPs!
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  #24  
Old 16th September 2005, 17:36
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Post Useful Books

.
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  #25  
Old 16th September 2005, 18:27
Claireabell Claireabell is offline
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Default Re: Useful Books

Hello Blusher

I have read Overcoming Social Anxiety And Shyness by Gillian Butler and have tried using the Cognitive Behavioral Techniques. I found the thought records useful i.e.

Specific Situation
Prediction
Experiment
What Actually Happened
Conclusions

I did use similar records when trying to overcome anxiety/panic attacks after a couple of car accidents and it did work then.

I would recommend this book

Claire
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  #26  
Old 16th September 2005, 20:41
marcus marcus is offline
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Default Re: Useful Books

"Overcoming Social Anxiety & Shyness by Gillian Butler. ISBN: 1854877038."


Iíve read this book once and am now working through it properly, I'd also recommend it.

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  #27  
Old 16th September 2005, 21:15
pob pob is offline
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Default Re: Useful Books

Quote:
Originally Posted by marcus
"Overcoming Social Anxiety & Shyness by Gillian Butler. ISBN: 1854877038."


I’ve read this book once and am now working through it properly, I'd also recommend it.

I would also recommend this book. although, if you already have a self help book, i would think twice about buying another, unless the one you have already is really bad. you will find they are all pretty much the same in content.

I also have a book called 'dying of embarassment' cant remember who its by. Although it has the same type of content, i found a lot of the descriptions and case studies were a little off the mark, or didnt quite apply to me. whereas the gillian butler one really hit home.

Ive heard 'the feeling good handbook' is a good one too. but it is more general and not specific to social anxiety. havent read it though.
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  #28  
Old 18th September 2005, 11:34
Gadgety Gadgety is offline
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Default Re: Useful Books

Mind over mood is good for self help CBT

http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/...782490-1758840
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  #29  
Old 18th September 2005, 11:42
veracocha veracocha is offline
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Default Re: Useful Books

Overcoming anxiety: A 5 areas approach - Chris Williams

ISBN:034081005X
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  #30  
Old 19th September 2005, 13:20
kp85
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Default Re: Useful Books

Quote:
Originally Posted by Gadgety
Mind over mood is good for self help CBT
Of the 11 reviews of this book on Amazon, everyone liked it. So I think I'll give this one a chance in the near future.
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