Does anyone here struggle with eye contact?

[Happy & SAD]

For me, one of the most debilitating and frustrating things that happens is my inability at times to make proper meaningful eye contact with people. I don't mean the type where you want to keep your head down, but the sort when you can't hold eye contact and you are so nervous when you are doing it that you hold your breath and can't hear what the other person is saying. It has taken over my life, but I have learnt to deal with it most of the time. The problem is that other people don't understand it. I've never met or come across anyone else that has it. I would love to as it would be so nice to talk about it with someone. I have tried to talk about it with friends and family (as it even happens to me when I am with them), but it is such a difficult concept for them to grasp that the conversation never normally goes very far. The result of this issue in my life is that I struggle to make deep friendship with people. I become friends with them but this problem acts as a barrier that stops me from really connecting with them.

I have just realised how nerve wracking it is putting a thread like this on here, because you worry that if no one replies then you must be the only person who suffers from it! Anyway, here goes...

[wowdude]

i thought i looked in the eyes of people but i realized i look behind them like an inch away from their head or something.

[david mckenna]

Originally Posted by Happy & SAD

For me, one of the most debilitating and frustrating things that happens is my inability at times to make proper meaningful eye contact with people. I don't mean the type where you want to keep your head down, but the sort when you can't hold eye contact and you are so nervous when you are doing it that you hold your breath and can't hear what the other person is saying. It has taken over my life, but I have learnt to deal with it most of the time. The problem is that other people don't understand it. I've never met or come across anyone else that has it. I would love to as it would be so nice to talk about it with someone. I have tried to talk about it with friends and family (as it even happens to me when I am with them), but it is such a difficult concept for them to grasp that the conversation never normally goes very far. The result of this issue in my life is that I struggle to make deep friendship with people. I become friends with them but this problem acts as a barrier that stops me from really connecting with them.

I have just realised how nerve wracking it is putting a thread like this on here, because you worry that if no one replies then you must be the only person who suffers from it! Anyway, here goes...

i think ull find most of us have this problem

[AW]

I think SA affects people pretty differently. My doctor actually noted on my referral the other day that I 'had good eye contact' throughout my appointment. However I myself feel that it sometimes lets me down and I find it hard, especially around people I find attractive or awkward.

this is one of my problems, definitely.

same as you, i cant hold eye contact, and i blush when people look at me, and i hold my breath and panic.

since i've been on my meds i've found it slightly easier, though i think that the only thing that will 'cure' it in the longterm is therapy such as CBT to get the originating thoughts out of my head.

[Biggie14]

Only with people I don't know well, and girls. I just don't want them thinking things like 'what the hell is he staring at?'

[Don't_Bring_Me_Down]

Not so much nowadays but it used to be a big problem for me when I was younger. I think because teachers made such a big deal about me not making eye contact that I forced myself to make more eye contact with people I know and it became easier. I still find it hard to make eye contact with strangers in everyday situations(like being served at a shop or a cafe)though.

[Lost Soul]

I dislike making eye contact too. I'll look into a person's eyes enough to ensure they know I'm paying attention to them while talking, but most of the time I have an uncontrollable urge to look away.

I'm not exactly sure why this is. I think perhaps I'm afraid that I'll see something in their facial expression through the eyes that indicates a negative reaction towards me, or perhaps I just don't like the idea of being looked at. I'm not sure.

[hardy]

This topic comes up regulary . there ought to be a permanent info section on this site!
Theres been quite a bit of psychlogical research on this subject . I think you can cause yourself too much anxiety by thinking about it. If you look now and again it usually looks ok. Just as long as you dont avoid contact totally or stare. As with most Sa things if yoiu try to do it by rule . It doesn't work. It usually happens automatically when you have sufficient self confidence so just look occasionally and that will be perfectly acceptable.

[stew2yk]

Eye contact is a great character of SA. The funny thing is, you say that you have never met anyone who is the same. But do you advertise the fact that you feel this way? It's very personal, not something you would share with just anyone for fear of feeling crazy or stupid! I bet you have met many people that feel just the same as you do, but cannot or will not let you know!