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  #1  
Old 7th October 2011, 20:57
thequietman thequietman is offline
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Default How do you stop the bitterness/anger eating away at you?

This is something i've struggled with for a long time, ever since my SA kicked in I guess.

It is hard to accept this shit, its hard when everyone else around you leads normal lives and you can't do any of it, the simple things like making friends, partners, jobs, anything really SA has fooked it up to 1 degree or another, you see people around you leading normal lives so easily and there is you struggling and in my case getting no where fast, I am a looser basically.

I've been through all the self help rubbish, I've had to just to get myself to function but at the end of it all your doing is trying to convince yourself that anything is possible and its not that bad but the reality is it is, it is very f**king bad and there seems to be damn all you can do to fix it, Tony Robbins and his pals will build you up to think you can claw your way out of anything but the reality is you can't and he's just out to make a few $$$ out of misfortune, I have to constantly try and stop myself thinking into it or it will destroy me.
  #2  
Old 7th October 2011, 22:14
Ding Ding is offline
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Default Re: How do you stop the bitterness/anger eating away at you?

i cut ties with everyone i used to know. if i feel resentment/jealousy towards someone, i just cut them out of my life
  #3  
Old 7th October 2011, 23:11
jessicamary jessicamary is offline
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Default Re: How do you stop the bitterness/anger eating away at you?

It's awful, it's evil - why do we have to be this way?? But all I know it's who we are, that is who we know we are. Example, today at work. For years I was unemployed, I lived in this little world of my own, but then I became employed. I was/am happy but silly things affect me, ie today someone was racist, it hurt me so much. In my unemployed world -hatred did not occur. I cried.
But although I got very upset, I said to myself this is what happens in the outside world. I don't know the answers but all I do know is that life is not always kind. And I also know that with or without help books what 'I' believe in is true, the outside world may not see it, but I have heel no prejudiced nor hatred inside me, and that is me. Believe in yourself as that is all that matters.
  #4  
Old 7th October 2011, 23:37
Bryter Noo Bryter Noo is offline
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Default Re: How do you stop the bitterness/anger eating away at you?

thats a really good question. i think a lot of anger can be taken out by exercising and cursing and swearing a lot during it.

ive also cut ties with most people, not through jealousy, more cause i cant stand them and they make my anxiety worse when around them.
  #5  
Old 8th October 2011, 00:01
ghost.of.an.englishman ghost.of.an.englishman is offline
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Default Re: How do you stop the bitterness/anger eating away at you?

wish I knew bitterness is a really ugly emotion and is very hard to shake.

One tactic:

1) Don't indulge in the bitterness. If something unfair, disrespectful, hurtful, or whatever, has happened, it's very important to resist indulging. There's always this impulse to wallow in the hurt and loathing, but if you can resist this, then it will pass and, in time, you won't think about it that much.

If you do the opposite, and nurture your beef into a grudge, you'll remember it for a long time
  #6  
Old 8th October 2011, 00:29
Benfica Benfica is offline
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Default Re: How do you stop the bitterness/anger eating away at you?

I think one way of addressing it is to ask yourself just what it actually achieves? I used to be quite angry and bitter, and in many cases I had good reason to be so, but in the long run it didn't really get me to where I wanted to be. All it does is eat you up and pull you further down. If it's not helping, and it's not achieving anything productive, it's pointless continuing to practice it.

It's also so easy to believe the myth that everyone else is breezing through life and it's only us who struggle. Few people advertise their difficulties, so we can never really know what it's like for others. The more life experience I've gained, the more I have realised that everyone has their issues, problems, insecurities etc. Most people have their own particular struggles. It's not just us.

It can also help if instead of being bitter and jealous of those we see as being successful, we actually look at what they do and how they do it. If we want to make a success of our own lives, who better to look towards for hints, tips and inspiration than those who are already achieving the things we want to achieve? I mean we have to find our own way, but we can take our inspiration and ideas from wherever and whoever we want to.

Anger is a parasitic emotion. It needs other, deeper issues on which to attach itself. Identifying those issues and addressing them can eventually see anger fade out. So if our insecurity, anxiety, lack of confidence, self-esteem and self-respect are the underlying issues, addressing them can indirectly starve the anger of the fuel it needs to thrive. So, if we sort our own issues out, we spend far less time looking at others and feeling bitter towards them.

I can't say I'm angry or bitter at all now. It's self-destructive and achieves nothing, so there is little point in it. Those who are doing well are doing something right, so to me, they are a great source to draw from. I like to see what they are doing, then adopting the bits that suit me in my quest to improve my own life.

The self-help stuff? Well that's a vast pool of resources too. It's not all good or all bad. There will always be lots we find irrelevant, but there will be bits we can adopt and use too.
  #7  
Old 8th October 2011, 10:43
Sea Sea is offline
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Default Re: How do you stop the bitterness/anger eating away at you?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sophie
i cut ties with everyone i used to know. if i feel resentment/jealousy towards someone, i just cut them out of my life
That's essentially my tactic too. Loneliness is slightly better than constant bitterness.
  #8  
Old 8th October 2011, 11:05
thequietman thequietman is offline
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Default Re: How do you stop the bitterness/anger eating away at you?

I suppose I cut ties aswell but at work its hard not to notice how everyone else is getting places and your not, Its almost like I live inside my own little bubble. I listen to the radio at work and the other day some woman was on talking about her children, 1 was a Marine, 1 was a solicitor, the other a teacher and even this made me angry cause there is me struggling in a crappy dead end job getting no where because of my social anxiety, zero self esteem and zero motivation.

The simplest of thing in life that most people take for granted I can't do, drive, get married, go on holidays etc I can't do.
  #9  
Old 8th October 2011, 23:32
Olly. Olly. is offline
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Default Re: How do you stop the bitterness/anger eating away at you?

Wish I knew how, I just find myself bitter and angry at pretty much everyone these days, its the usual SA thing, seeing how everyone seems to have such a normal, carefree life, parting, in relationships, having sex etc and there's me only dreaming of these sorts of things, its really awkward whenever people start talking about these things, I just try and hide and hope they won't ask me anything, the vast majority of people my age (20) have at least had sex by now, yet I find myself still having to dream and fantasise as if I'm still a child, I can't help but feel pathetic and inferior to them.

When it comes to people I know who are in a relationship, instead of feeling happy for them, I just can't help but bitterly want it to end for them, I know its terrible but that's the stage its got to, and the bad thing is that chances are, unless a miracle happens and I find someone (1 in a million chance probably, I'm far to shy to even speak to girls, let alone flirt or ask them out), its only going to get worse, I'm dreading getting to the point where friends are getting married and then there's me, the sadact who's never even been on a date
  #10  
Old 9th October 2011, 01:26
Surelynot Surelynot is offline
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Default Re: How do you stop the bitterness/anger eating away at you?

I just don't know. : You just might say it's my Question Of The Century.
  #11  
Old 9th October 2011, 01:37
Wheelie Bin Bird Wheelie Bin Bird is offline
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Default Re: How do you stop the bitterness/anger eating away at you?

I can't...Never been able to since the age of around 6ish.

Occasionally I do have 'up' times where I'm able to hold my head up and say. "I'm better than you and your not worth me getting stressed over" ect. And these times can last for long periods. But then slowly but surely they creap back in again.

It's a pain in the tit's and something I doubt I'll ever be able to do.
  #12  
Old 9th October 2011, 12:43
kastra kastra is offline
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Default Re: How do you stop the bitterness/anger eating away at you?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Benfica
I think one way of addressing it is to ask yourself just what it actually achieves? I used to be quite angry and bitter, and in many cases I had good reason to be so, but in the long run it didn't really get me to where I wanted to be. All it does is eat you up and pull you further down. If it's not helping, and it's not achieving anything productive, it's pointless continuing to practice it.

It's also so easy to believe the myth that everyone else is breezing through life and it's only us who struggle. Few people advertise their difficulties, so we can never really know what it's like for others. The more life experience I've gained, the more I have realised that everyone has their issues, problems, insecurities etc. Most people have their own particular struggles. It's not just us.

It can also help if instead of being bitter and jealous of those we see as being successful, we actually look at what they do and how they do it. If we want to make a success of our own lives, who better to look towards for hints, tips and inspiration than those who are already achieving the things we want to achieve? I mean we have to find our own way, but we can take our inspiration and ideas from wherever and whoever we want to.

Anger is a parasitic emotion. It needs other, deeper issues on which to attach itself. Identifying those issues and addressing them can eventually see anger fade out. So if our insecurity, anxiety, lack of confidence, self-esteem and self-respect are the underlying issues, addressing them can indirectly starve the anger of the fuel it needs to thrive. So, if we sort our own issues out, we spend far less time looking at others and feeling bitter towards them.

I can't say I'm angry or bitter at all now. It's self-destructive and achieves nothing, so there is little point in it. Those who are doing well are doing something right, so to me, they are a great source to draw from. I like to see what they are doing, then adopting the bits that suit me in my quest to improve my own life.

The self-help stuff? Well that's a vast pool of resources too. It's not all good or all bad. There will always be lots we find irrelevant, but there will be bits we can adopt and use too.
very wise words

I used to be very angry too, not so much comparing myself but more thinking about how much I threw away and how unfair the way people have treated me in the past was. I used to believe it was all my fault and I was furious with myself and spent years punishing myself and just making things worse and getting angrier and it's such a horrible cycle to be stuck in. Getting out of it is the most amazing thing it feels like I can breathe again but it wasn't easy, I had to change my worldview completely.
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