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  #1  
Old 22nd May 2012, 18:20
Pseudolonewolf Pseudolonewolf is offline
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Question I'm a bit shy at first, but once you get to know me, I'm really bubbly!

Whenever I see things like dating or friends sites, where you create profiles to be seen by other people and things like that, this kind of line seems to be the closest that people get to saying "I am introverted"...

I myself AM 'introverted', and even without social anxiety I feel I still would be. I'd still want to spend much of my time inside rather than going out clubbing or things like that, since I have no *interest* in things like that.

But it bothers me that it seems like people have to *pretend* to be at least partly extroverted or else nobody will accept them, nobody will want to talk to them... Introversion seems to be seen as a flaw to be ashamed of, to hide, and I don't like that at all since I'd like to find other introverts, but it's hard when everyone's trying to pretend to be an extrovert.

I've never wished to portray myself as outgoing, friendly, bubbly, or any of those kinds of things, but I bring this up because I'm curious about whether any of you might have felt this need to paint an extroverted picture of yourself, even if you're not, because you'd fear rejection otherwise... So, uh, has anyone ever done that? I'd be curious about hearing the thinking and feelings behind it...
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  #2  
Old 22nd May 2012, 18:53
Progress Progress is offline
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Default Re: I'm a bit shy at first, but once you get to know me, I'm really bubbly!

It's a tough one. I've tried various ways. I think you've got to be honest, you're wasting your time by saying something that is not 'you', you'll attract the wrong type of person. I had a few blind dates with outgoing types and it was never going to work. I would try and avoid 'negative' type words. I now say things like - 'prefer quiet nights in', 'don't like noisy clubs', 'like a fairly quiet life', 'not highly sociable'.
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  #3  
Old 22nd May 2012, 22:39
kingandduck kingandduck is offline
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Default Re: I'm a bit shy at first, but once you get to know me, I'm really bubbly!

I do find it amazing that there are literally zero shy people on dating websites. Almost every profile claims that they are an outgoing people person who makes the most of life.

You'd think a dating website would be somewhere you could be honest.
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  #4  
Old 22nd May 2012, 22:44
Pseudolonewolf Pseudolonewolf is offline
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Default Re: I'm a bit shy at first, but once you get to know me, I'm really bubbly!

It makes me wonder what people are hoping to find when they start a relationship based on deceit...

I also wonder if introverted people might be happier in general if there wasn't this kind of stigma, so people could be honest about themselves, meet similar minds, and get along great, rather than trying to live as something they're not and hating themselves for not finding it as easy as those who are like that naturally...
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  #5  
Old 23rd May 2012, 02:09
Cynic Cynic is offline
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Default Re: I'm a bit shy at first, but once you get to know me, I'm really bubbly!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pseudolonewolf
I also wonder if introverted people might be happier in general if there wasn't this kind of stigma
Life without stigma would be a helluva lot more pleasant. Then again, it would be less pleasant for the stigmatizers, eh.
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  #6  
Old 23rd May 2012, 02:22
▀azza ▀azza is offline
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Default Re: I'm a bit shy at first, but once you get to know me, I'm really bubbly!

I kinda just see it that such things are more on the other side of the spectrum to what I am.

I prefer staying in over going out to noisy places. I prefer to avoid facebook than to post on facebook. Same thing. Occasionally I go on that website.. For like 5 seconds.. Get bored.. Then leave. Not that intro people dont necessary use that more than I do but whatever. I do like going out occasionally though. I just dont see myself ever posting images of myself up being all happy and drunk or whatever as a regular norm thing. I have such photoes and such photoes have existed on this site. However its not my style and doubt it ever would be a thing I do often. If it was or became that then I would but currently it aint. Ignoring fact I got bdd lol. So pictures big deal..

If people got a problem with that then they kinda learn quickly that I dont give a shit anyway and everyone is happy.

As for dating sites.. Wouldnt work for me. Nothing wrong with them. Just couldnt work for me period. Its not my personality to do that - My natural flow I would rather just wait and see what happens naturally. I know im a bit easy minded in that way though as I tend to eventually end up with someone sooner or later /if/ I just try to be more active socially/outdoors. Rather than sitting indoors playing games all day. Once I got a gf I can then play games all day. Til I do I have to be more social if I ever expect to meet someone by chance. Though im still quite intro ofcourse I just have to push myself a bit more than usual. Going out places with gf tends to flow more naturally for me - I dont enjoy noisy stuff though and if she needed that she would have to accept some compromise. I would go but aslongs as I am allowed to leave earlier than most people, or something like that.

I have trouble with social skills but my introvertism has never been an issue. I still can hold myself pretty easy and make it clear than I am very happy with this 'introvertism' lol.. All people are different but most dont care that much. Some people can be annoying but I dont care to explain that I dont want to stay out very long sometimes. Not everyone 'understands' but they dont need to. They cant exactly stop me leaving and I try to explain that I enjoyed the time I spent out. ...Its just I had enough and want to fvck off eventually lol. Ofcourse that can effect things.. Its just not something I am personally concerned with. Many many people it doesnt effect and they just realise its not that big an issue what im doing or not.

I would say social skills to understand how to make new friends etc is more troublesome than telling people I dont always want to do what they think is normal for me. Its very easy for me to tell people what I consider is normal for me or not. Very easy for me to not care either way on that particular topic.

I think the whole dating this is tough for intro people but confidence is key as its attractive. Be you intro or extro confidence is quite possible. Putting that into a profile can be tough though. I personally avoid it because a) I dont care/remain single and b) I probably just become more socially active if it became an issue. I would also fail by default as I would hate to put a proper picture up lol. Without that.. No point bothering. All those girls need to first judge me and match me or something. No thanks.. I rather be single.
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  #7  
Old 23rd May 2012, 11:34
clarence clarence is offline
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Default Re: I'm a bit shy at first, but once you get to know me, I'm really bubbly!

Talking of introversion, I have a friend who is an introvert and comfortable with himself this way. I notice people get wound up around him because he doesn't say much.
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  #8  
Old 23rd May 2012, 13:24
HardRockGlamour HardRockGlamour is offline
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Default Re: I'm a bit shy at first, but once you get to know me, I'm really bubbly!

Quote:
Originally Posted by kingandduck
You'd think a dating website would be somewhere you could be honest.
I always thought the dating game was full of lies.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Narwhal
there should be an introvert pride march
I'd go to it.
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  #9  
Old 23rd May 2012, 14:41
Pseudolonewolf Pseudolonewolf is offline
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Default Re: I'm a bit shy at first, but once you get to know me, I'm really bubbly!

I've noticed that the word 'introvert' has a lot of unpleasant or peculiar connotations!

I mean, recently I started a site specifically for introverts, where members can be unabashedly introverted without needing to 'perform', to pretend to be more bubbly and confident than they actually are; some people really need a place like that where they can really be themselves, I suppose.
But when I was looking for members, a few extroverted people said things like 'what's the point of making an introverted community site? It's like having a music concert for the deaf', or things like that.
Since apparently they assumed that being introverted meant that you never said a word and that you never wanted to interact with anyone ever.

I'm extremely introverted, yet rather chatty... once I have someone I feel I can talk to. I mean, my posts here are probably obnoxiously long! I do like sharing thoughts and ideas; I just don't like going out and getting drunk and being around loads of strangers, flailing around, or whatever it is that people do in that mysterious Outside World. I'd rather engage things on a... calmer, 'deeper' level?

I don't see introversion as 'miserable' in this way, and nor do I see things like 'bubbliness' or 'confidence' as positive traits that everyone needs to aspire to... I find 'bubbly' and 'confident' people overbearing and wearying, and I'd *have great interest in* a person's profile if they described themselves not using really self-deprecating language or anything, but honestly said that they have no interest going out and would rather just sit in and talk about thoughts and feelings.

The fact that people all have to pretend to be something I don't like *anyway* makes those dating/friends websites frustrating for me, anyway, since there are many people who would be *glad* to find people who sound introverted like they are, I think!
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  #10  
Old 23rd May 2012, 15:49
HardRockGlamour HardRockGlamour is offline
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Default Re: I'm a bit shy at first, but once you get to know me, I'm really bubbly!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pseudolonewolf
I've noticed that the word 'introvert' has a lot of unpleasant or peculiar connotations!

I mean, recently I started a site specifically for introverts, where members can be unabashedly introverted without needing to 'perform', to pretend to be more bubbly and confident than they actually are; some people really need a place like that where they can really be themselves, I suppose.
But when I was looking for members, a few extroverted people said things like 'what's the point of making an introverted community site? It's like having a music concert for the deaf', or things like that.
Since apparently they assumed that being introverted meant that you never said a word and that you never wanted to interact with anyone ever.

I'm extremely introverted, yet rather chatty... once I have someone I feel I can talk to. I mean, my posts here are probably obnoxiously long! I do like sharing thoughts and ideas; I just don't like going out and getting drunk and being around loads of strangers, flailing around, or whatever it is that people do in that mysterious Outside World. I'd rather engage things on a... calmer, 'deeper' level?

I don't see introversion as 'miserable' in this way, and nor do I see things like 'bubbliness' or 'confidence' as positive traits that everyone needs to aspire to... I find 'bubbly' and 'confident' people overbearing and wearying, and I'd *have great interest in* a person's profile if they described themselves not using really self-deprecating language or anything, but honestly said that they have no interest going out and would rather just sit in and talk about thoughts and feelings.

The fact that people all have to pretend to be something I don't like *anyway* makes those dating/friends websites frustrating for me, anyway, since there are many people who would be *glad* to find people who sound introverted like they are, I think!

Yes, people seem to think introverts are completely anti-social, and silent all the time. I think they possibly see us as grumpy and 'I don't like people'. Which is not true at all. I consider myself an introvert because I simply enjoy time alone. I get overwhelmed with too much social contact and I like to do things on my own or I can't really concentrate. I love talking to people, though, and I have been called bubbly because I can be quite talkative, random, silly and I laugh a lot. They are probably considered extrovert traits usually but intoverts are capable of them. We are not entirely anti-people like society seems to think, nor are we without personality like a few people seem to assume. I read on here that introverts are people who need to re-charge by being alone, after socialising. Whereas extroverts need to re-charge by being social, after being alone. I think that may be right as it describes me (I need to re-charge being by myself).
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