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  #1  
Old 1st June 2012, 15:20
thatright thatright is offline
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Default Why Do Socially Anxious/Depressed People Isolate Themselves?

It's very common that most social anxious people develop depression when suffering with isolation. Why do you isolate yourselves whilst feeling depressed. I'd really like to know please:

1. Why would depressed people isolate themselves?

2. Why avoid contact from friends and family?

3. Even though, they feel isolated, why would they stay isolated instead of seeking help?

Isolated people isolate themselves, makes their depression worse.

I'd really like your opinions or experiences please?
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  #2  
Old 1st June 2012, 15:33
Paladin Paladin is offline
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Default Re: Why Do Socially Anxious/Depressed People Isolate Themselves?

Personally I feel like other people don't want me around particularly and socialising is a huge struggle. At least isolation provides some relief even though it can be damaging in the long-term. I do go out though but usually alone.

Also for me it's just become the norm, I don't get invited out etc., don't really know anyone to ask.
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  #3  
Old 1st June 2012, 15:44
Ubyse Ubyse is offline
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Default Re: Why Do Socially Anxious/Depressed People Isolate Themselves?

Because they're anxious and depressed?
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  #4  
Old 1st June 2012, 15:52
Only_human Only_human is offline
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Default Re: Why Do Socially Anxious/Depressed People Isolate Themselves?

When I was younger I couldn't discuss certain issues I was having to deal with, and got used to dealing with them on my own and developing my own coping mechanisms (i.e. OCD) in an effort to deal with them. I feel that this is still why, when the going gets tough, I still automatically withdraw and try to deal with it on my own as it's kind of become second nature without much thought to it.

Also as I've not really ever had a close attachment, it's hard to suddenly just adjust to turning to new people in my life. I think, I also worry sometimes, that if I state all my worries too much or go on about the negatives in my life i'll become a burden on them, seem too self-pitying or i'll adjust to needing them and then they'll walk away and i'll crumble. It's kind of a self comforting/protective thing for me. I feel if I open up and truely entrust another at my most critical/vunerable periods and potentially have them turn their back on me or make a joke of it, I will be in danger of harming myself so instead I absorb it, push them away and try to work through it alone until I can face them again. It's just what i'm used to doing rather then a personal thing against them.

Moreover, when i'm in depressed mode, that means i'm also in self hatred mode and I really cannot deal with people being nice to me or worse complimenting me during this period as I feel undeserving of it and it can drive me further over the edge but rather then say this to people, I isolate myself until it's over so I just seem quite content to the majority of people. Sometimes, I also worry if people see that actually I don't have such a hard exterior as I make out, they might exploit it. I think that paranoia, is again just linked to my past and not being used to having people to talk to about certain issues.

Trouble is the more I push people away, the more I end up back to square one with no real attachments and therefore only hurting myself even more. It's a viscious cycle i'm all to aware of.
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  #5  
Old 1st June 2012, 15:56
bluemaus bluemaus is offline
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Default Re: Why Do Socially Anxious/Depressed People Isolate Themselves?

Quote:
Originally Posted by thatright
1. Why would depressed people isolate themselves?
Quote:
Originally Posted by thatright
2. Why avoid contact from friends and family?
I think these can be answered together. In my experience it was because I had very little energy (mental or physical) to deal with people, or life in general. There's also the matter of not wanting to appear as if you've 'failed' people.

Quote:
Originally Posted by thatright
3. Even though, they feel isolated, why would they stay isolated instead of seeking help?
It's incredibly difficult at times to seek help when you think you're broken/beyond help.
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  #6  
Old 1st June 2012, 18:54
AutumnLeaves AutumnLeaves is offline
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Default Re: Why Do Socially Anxious/Depressed People Isolate Themselves?

The fear of rejection, humiliation and the horrible symptoms of anxiety get in the way of putting yourself amongst people and alleviating the loneliness, misperception and lack of enthusiasm.
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  #7  
Old 1st June 2012, 19:01
Rufus Rufus is offline
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Default Re: Why Do Socially Anxious/Depressed People Isolate Themselves?

Shame guilt, paranoia. Also people often tend to say stupid things like cheer up or stop being so miserable as if they a great help. People dont know how to treat you if depressed and make you feel even more awkward or guilty because they feel awkward around you.
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  #8  
Old 1st June 2012, 19:47
AlienBuddha AlienBuddha is offline
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Default Re: Why Do Socially Anxious/Depressed People Isolate Themselves?

For me it's shame, embarrassment, not wanting to be ridiculed, intimidated and hurt.
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  #9  
Old 2nd June 2012, 00:07
Cynic Cynic is offline
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Default Re: Why Do Socially Anxious/Depressed People Isolate Themselves?

Quote:
Originally Posted by thatright
1. Why would depressed people isolate themselves?
In no particular order:
  • Can't relate to others
  • Don't wish to impose myself on others
  • Just create a bad vibe around others
  • Feel more lonely around others
  • Feel inferior to others

Most of all, can't do anything about it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by thatright
2. Why avoid contact from friends
Friends desert you when the chips go down.

Quote:
Originally Posted by thatright
and family?
Creates a toxic atmosphere.

Quote:
Originally Posted by thatright
3. Even though, they feel isolated, why would they stay isolated instead of seeking help?
Just check out this recent thread and you might find out why.

Quote:
Originally Posted by thatright
Isolated people isolate themselves, makes their depression worse.
That's just like the rich get richer, the poor get poorer, the isolated and depressed become more isolated and depressed.
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  #10  
Old 2nd June 2012, 00:57
peterjohn peterjohn is offline
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Default Re: Why Do Socially Anxious/Depressed People Isolate Themselves?

It's been my way of surviving. I'd add it's not entirely about me : people can be very unkind and hurtful. Put simply if I don't socialise I cant be hurt by anyone but isolating carries with it a very heavy burden of acute loneliness.
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  #11  
Old 2nd June 2012, 16:02
Blade Blade is offline
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Default Re: Why Do Socially Anxious/Depressed People Isolate Themselves?

i isolate myself because im socially anxious and depressed . job done , next question
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  #12  
Old 2nd June 2012, 18:05
Brokenx Brokenx is offline
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Default Re: Why Do Socially Anxious/Depressed People Isolate Themselves?

Probably becaus it makes life easier, although at the same time mor depressing.
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  #13  
Old 2nd June 2012, 18:09
iTz0kt0Bu iTz0kt0Bu is offline
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Default Re: Why Do Socially Anxious/Depressed People Isolate Themselves?

Why would depressed people isolate themselves?

I think they isolate their selves cause from my experience depressed people don't usually receive positive attention from others. Idk, but I think some might receive or think they receive a bit negative attention from lots of other people. People don't like negative attention. They also dont feel optimistic which makes it harder to do some stuff.

I know I think people view me in a negative way.

Why avoid contact from friends and family?

I'm still a teen, but I don't feel like always following my mums advice. Sometimes the advice just looks like an extra thing to complain about. Like another user said, maybe avoiding family/friend contact makes one feel like they're moving on in life.

Even though, they feel isolated, why would they stay isolated instead of seeking help?

As I said, lack of optimism and maybe lack of motivation. A few days ago I felt a lack of motivation it was hard for me to do much. I dragged myself out though cause I had to buy some stuff and with the lack of motivation, I felt extra SA, which makes it harder to communicate with anyone.

Isolated people isolate themselves, makes their depression worse.

I agree as I felt extra SA and a lack of motivation a few days ago. But when I went to the shop to get the few things I needed and wanted, I felt a bit more optimistic to do things I want to do. My wants also felt a tiny bit more possible.
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  #14  
Old 2nd June 2012, 22:26
Cynic Cynic is offline
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Default Re: Why Do Socially Anxious/Depressed People Isolate Themselves?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Baboo
Autistic dad
Do you seriouslly have an autistic dad??? I'm a diagnosed Aspie myself.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Baboo
I avoided friends when I felt there was little common ground ("They don't understand what I'm going through") even though this feeling was most likely unrealistic.
Not unrealistic at all. Not only would they probably not understand, but they most probably don't care either.
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  #15  
Old 2nd June 2012, 23:23
Olly. Olly. is offline
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Default Re: Why Do Socially Anxious/Depressed People Isolate Themselves?

Quote:
Originally Posted by thatright
It's very common that most social anxious people develop depression when suffering with isolation. Why do you isolate yourselves whilst feeling depressed. I'd really like to know please:

1. Why would depressed people isolate themselves?

2. Why avoid contact from friends and family?

3. Even though, they feel isolated, why would they stay isolated instead of seeking help?

Isolated people isolate themselves, makes their depression worse.

I'd really like your opinions or experiences please?
1/2. I'm not entirely sure why for me, but one reason is the fear to show negative emotion, when pretty much everyone around me are happy and joking and seemingly normal, sometimes I can just cover my emotions and just put a brave face on but other times I just can't be bothered and when at uni living with happy and constantly joking friends, I just don't feel like I can be around moping and being miserable and one person in particular seems to just ignore me completely if I show any form of negativity, which of course makes things worse, so if I'm down, its just easier to isolate myself. In avoiding contact with family, it happened once for a couple of weeks I seem to remember and I'm not entirely sure why but once again just scared to show negative emotion and it got to the point where not only did I not want to show that negative emotion, but I also just didn't feel like pretending everything was fine either when it wasn't, so I just avoided contact.
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  #16  
Old 2nd June 2012, 23:35
desi99 desi99 is offline
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Default Re: Why Do Socially Anxious/Depressed People Isolate Themselves?

I would like to make friends and talk to people but there is always this shame at the back of my mind that one day they will know about my anxieties and feel sorry for me for being 'billy no mates' .Thats why i keep my distance from people and dont get close to anyone.
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  #17  
Old 3rd June 2012, 16:13
nineofswords nineofswords is offline
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Default Re: Why Do Socially Anxious/Depressed People Isolate Themselves?

I isolate myself as I have difficulty being in the company of others. but I also like isolation or being alone. I may get depressed when i'm alone,mainly if I think about depressing things or depressing thoughts enter my head. being isolated itself isn't a trigger though for depression.after I have been around others and sometimes when around them I get hugely depressed.
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  #18  
Old 4th June 2012, 11:36
runaway runaway is offline
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Default Re: Why Do Socially Anxious/Depressed People Isolate Themselves?

Quote:
Originally Posted by thatright
1. Why would depressed people isolate themselves?
whether society accepts it or not, there seems to be a prevalant stigma against those who aren't happy, joyful, optimistic,..
to be depressed is often accompanied by the knowledge that you will be shunned or ignored or not tolerated in society.
unofrtunately what help there is, is often inadquate or not readily available.
there isn't always a quick-fix solution to depression.
having SA can compound this I feel, as one has already lost trust or confidence in others due to past experiences or perhaps due to negative thinking patterns, so to actually go and get help can involve facing many scenarios and issues that may not be a problem for most people but which can seem insurmountable for people with SA,.. so getting help isn't always as straightforward a business as it would look 'on paper'
Quote:
Originally Posted by thatright
2. Why avoid contact from friends and family?
not to put too fine a point on it,.. depending on the severity of their SA .
people with SA often haven't been able to make many friends,
and (hopefully not being too negative here) the family has sometimes been the breeding ground for some of our main SA-related issues.
mental health issues are very much still a bit of a taboo subject amongst some, often viewed with suspicion by others and with embarressment by the sufferer,. so it's not always easy to approach friends and family for help, to do so, is to put yourself in the firing line for being treated differently by people you're close to,.I'm sure that because of this many choose to stay silent on the issue in their family relationships.
Quote:
Originally Posted by thatright
3. Even though, they feel isolated, why would they stay isolated instead of seeking help?
not sure about too many others on here, but from my SA point of view, other people were often seen as the source of my discomfort and uneasiness,..
when I was alone I was able to relax, when I was with people I was incredibly tense and mentally exhausted,..so avoiding people ( in my warped SA point of view ) was seen as the answer to alleviating my tension and anxiety.

plus,.. I would say that depression is often seen as a period of withdrawal from life, to gather strength and 'lick your wounds' as it were, the common problem is often being able to return back to 'life' in a controlled, healthy manner, many want to stay in the safety zone,.. out of harms way as they see it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by thatright
Isolated people isolate themselves, makes their depression worse.
true,.. but when you perceive isolation as being release from tension and anxiety and neurosis, then isolation becomes a temporary, wapred kind of solution to your problems
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  #19  
Old 4th June 2012, 17:19
Olly. Olly. is offline
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Default Re: Why Do Socially Anxious/Depressed People Isolate Themselves?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jerry302199
whether society accepts it or not, there seems to be a prevalant stigma against those who aren't happy, joyful, optimistic,..
to be depressed is often accompanied by the knowledge that you will be shunned or ignored or not tolerated in society.


not sure about too many others on here, but from my SA point of view, other people were often seen as the source of my discomfort and uneasiness,..
when I was alone I was able to relax, when I was with people I was incredibly tense and mentally exhausted,..so avoiding people ( in my warped SA point of view ) was seen as the answer to alleviating my tension and anxiety.
Just picked out these two quotes in particular and couldn't agree more with both. Its society's stigma against depression and mental health that is such a big obstacle for me to overcome and to sort out my problems. And because of society's ignorant and almost derogatory view of mental illness (I've often heard people joke about depression and mental illness) I feel utterly ashamed of something that ultimately isn't my fault and while I'm desperate to seek professional help this summer, I just don't know whether I can face it with the stigma attached to mental illness and how society and the media views it. So because of this, I just don't feel comfortable at the prospect of going to counselling, no offence to anyone who is going to counselling but I'd feel ashamed and pathetic just going tbh because of how people view mental illness and I'd have to have hide the fact I was going from virtually everyone I know. Yet, if I don't get help now, I'm only going to get worse and keep on having these periods of isolating myself and avoiding people and I can see myself leaving uni with no friends and no job prospects either, basically nothing and I'm pretty scared of where I might be in a few years time if I don't sort this thing out

And on the second quote, its the same for me although neither situation is perfect at all. When I'm isolated and on my own, I am relaxed, but of course the isolation can make me extremely miserable and I fall into negative thinking. But on the other hand, while I'm tense and nervous round friends often, I'm certainly not as miserable as I would be on my own, so I can't win really, though I realise the latter is much better for me of course.
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Old 4th June 2012, 17:40
iTz0kt0Bu iTz0kt0Bu is offline
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Default Re: Why Do Socially Anxious/Depressed People Isolate Themselves?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ollyh
Just picked out these two quotes in particular and couldn't agree more with both. Its society's stigma against depression and mental health that is such a big obstacle for me to overcome and to sort out my problems. And because of society's ignorant and almost derogatory view of mental illness (I've often heard people joke about depression and mental illness) I feel utterly ashamed of something that ultimately isn't my fault and while I'm desperate to seek professional help this summer, I just don't know whether I can face it with the stigma attached to mental illness and how society and the media views it. So because of this, I just don't feel comfortable at the prospect of going to counselling, no offence to anyone who is going to counselling but I'd feel ashamed and pathetic just going tbh because of how people view mental illness and I'd have to have hide the fact I was going from virtually everyone I know. Yet, if I don't get help now, I'm only going to get worse and keep on having these periods of isolating myself and avoiding people and I can see myself leaving uni with no friends and no job prospects either, basically nothing and I'm pretty scared of where I might be in a few years time if I don't sort this thing out

And on the second quote, its the same for me although neither situation is perfect at all. When I'm isolated and on my own, I am relaxed, but of course the isolation can make me extremely miserable and I fall into negative thinking. But on the other hand, while I'm tense and nervous round friends often, I'm certainly not as miserable as I would be on my own, so I can't win really, though I realise the latter is much better for me of course.
I think some of us with SA need to desensitise ourselves from some of societies views. We have to depend more on our views. Although, I am not thinking of counselling now, you could think about the benefits of counselling. And also don't accept negative views of yourself from other people as you know yourself better than they do.
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  #21  
Old 4th June 2012, 18:06
Cynic Cynic is offline
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Default Re: Why Do Socially Anxious/Depressed People Isolate Themselves?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jerry302199
whether society accepts it or not, there seems to be a prevalant stigma against those who aren't happy, joyful, optimistic,..
to be depressed is often accompanied by the knowledge that you will be shunned or ignored or not tolerated in society.
Exactly.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jerry302199
unofrtunately what help there is, is often inadquate or not readily available.
Ain't that the truth. Once you get a mental health problem, you're on your own.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jerry302199
having SA can compound this I feel, as one has already lost trust or confidence in others due to past experiences or perhaps due to negative thinking patterns, so to actually go and get help can involve facing many scenraios and issues that may not be a problem for most people but which can seem insurmountable for people with SA,.. so getting help isn't always as straightforward a business as it would look 'on paper'
And what exactly can anyone do to help anyway? Stalin had a point when he said, the ultimate solution to life's problems is death.
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  #22  
Old 4th June 2012, 18:31
Vanessa Vanessa is offline
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Default Re: Why Do Socially Anxious/Depressed People Isolate Themselves?

Interesting thread, had potential to become a flame war so I avoided it but it was interesting reading everyone's response


Quote:
Originally Posted by thatright

1. Why would depressed people isolate themselves?
isolation is "easy" (for lack of a better term) because it doesn't require the effort necessary for day to day interaction. it also comes down to the point where you don't know what to do with yourself anyway. you have no friends or family, no job, no money, and everything is difficult. well this is how i feel when i isolate self anyway.

Quote:
2. Why avoid contact from friends and family?
being around people or even sending email/text requires a lot of effort for SA/depressed/introvert etc. it just uses up way too much energy and someone with these issues just gives up soemtimes because it doesn't feel worth all the mental and physical effort and pain required for even the simplest interaction. Also, some people's friend &family aren't the types who would understand this kind of thing. We get laughed when we're being quiet or when we say something ('woooo she talked lololoolo') or people get angry and on't understand when we try to avoid. also we don't often have much to say about our lives, which is not 'normal' to other people. easier to avoid then to have to listen to people saying things like 'you have to get out more'

Quote:
3. Even though, they feel isolated, why would they stay isolated instead of seeking help?
could come down to just a fear of talking about the issue, and everythin that comes along with it. being judged, not being taken seirously, and also, the action of talking itself is difficult. also not being able to find someone you trust to speak about the issue (medical people aren't always competent)
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