SAUK Discussion Board

Go Back   SAUK Discussion Board > Social Anxiety Discussions > The Social Anxiety Room
Join! Blogs FAQ Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Notices

Reply  Post New Thread
 
Thread Tools
  #1  
Old 20th October 2012, 15:23
iTz0kt0Bu iTz0kt0Bu is offline
Banned at own request
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: NW_LDN
Posts: 6,968
Blog Entries: 10
Default Is having a serious personality really that bad

Since my teens I have felt like I'm too serious and my SA makes me even more serious as I feel bad sometimes for feeling like I can't relate with anyone. And some people finding me boring.

But lately I've thought that my seriousness isn't actually a bad as I use to think. One advantage is that it probably makes me wanna be good at my interests and probably helps me achieve what I want if I put my mind to it. And maybe it's helped me be open minded since it seems like most people don't act serious and that leads to them questioning anyone thats different.

Some of the people I like though are playful and I think I would be a little more playful if I was more comfortable around others, I would probably still be serious but that isn't bad.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 20th October 2012, 16:31
Olly. Olly. is offline
Global Moderator
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Northants
Posts: 5,971
Default Re: Is having a serious personality really that bad

You're right, it isn't that bad, though the problem is (as I've found) that a lot of people will tell you differently. For the people I live with its all about acting like a child and being crazy (even though they're 20 years old) and as a result they're pretty nasty and mocking towards my seriousness, as if I have to act like a child and unsurprisingly I can't connect with them at all (plus their personalities drive me bloody crazy) and I'm avoiding them at the moment. Though, while they're in their fantasy world where everyone should be jumping around acting like twats all the time, I'm actually getting work done and as much as I don't want to be arrogant about it, because of this I'm bordering on a first, while my housemate who is on the same course as me is only just scrapping a 2.2, cause he mostly pisses about and doesn't take his work seriously.

So no having a serious personality is not that bad at all, if anything as you say you're more likely to achieve things, while those who are playful or fun spend all their time being idiots.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 20th October 2012, 17:09
Progress Progress is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: South East
Posts: 4,931
Blog Entries: 4
Default Re: Is having a serious personality really that bad

No, not at all. Be whatever you want to be and be proud.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 20th October 2012, 17:32
Cleo Cleo is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 819
Blog Entries: 1

Mood
Torn

Default Re: Is having a serious personality really that bad

Not in the least. It's stupid to try and be something you're not and trying to act the part of a court jester would be very wearing and in all probability wouldn't make you any more popular.

All the best with your degree. See who has the last laugh.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 20th October 2012, 18:44
Flowerbomb Flowerbomb is offline
Banned
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 7,098

Mood
Goofy

Default Re: Is having a serious personality really that bad

No, we are all different at the end of the day!
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 20th October 2012, 18:52
Olly. Olly. is offline
Global Moderator
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Northants
Posts: 5,971
Default Re: Is having a serious personality really that bad

Quote:
Originally Posted by Karen
No, we are all different at the end of the day!
Exactly! Why can't people realise this, one of the main reasons I've fallen out with one particular person is because she just cannot comprehend, no matter how many times I tell her, that everyone is different, its always 'he doesn't have to do that, so why can't you?' or 'he's not like that, so why aren't you?'.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 20th October 2012, 18:55
Flowerbomb Flowerbomb is offline
Banned
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 7,098

Mood
Goofy

Default Re: Is having a serious personality really that bad

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ollyh
Exactly! Why can't people realise this, one of the main reasons I've fallen out with one particular person is because she just cannot comprehend, no matter how many times I tell her, that everyone is different, its always 'he doesn't have to do that, so why can't you?' or 'he's not like that, so why aren't you?'.

Dont start me off on that one peeps that cant comprehend , I wont set up a thread on it for sure
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 20th October 2012, 19:00
Azi Azi is offline
Administrator
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: SAUK HQ
Posts: 15,699
Default Re: Is having a serious personality really that bad

No, we're all different and that's fine. But being overly serious all the time can be a mental health issue - I think I tend to the serious because being silly and jolly feels out of control and makes me panicky. I think people with anxiety issues are prone to trying to control things (eg their own behaviour, by over analysing absolutely everything in a social encounter to learn how to be 'perfect') and struggle to go with the flow. So by getting comfortable with letting go sometimes you might find you naturally become less serious, and be happier for it.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 20th October 2012, 19:10
Olly. Olly. is offline
Global Moderator
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Northants
Posts: 5,971
Default Re: Is having a serious personality really that bad

Quote:
Originally Posted by Azi
No, we're all different and that's fine. But being overly serious all the time can be a mental health issue - I think I tend to the serious because being silly and jolly feels out of control and makes me panicky. I think people with anxiety issues are prone to trying to control things (eg their own behaviour, by over analysing absolutely everything in a social encounter to learn how to be 'perfect') and struggle to go with the flow. So by getting comfortable with letting go sometimes you might find you naturally become less serious, and be happier for it.
Well yes, I admit that ideally there should be a balance between seriousness and playfulness and because of SA I'm on the serious end of the scale. I'd love to be able to let go a little but its just not possible at the moment, the problem is, I have to live with the people I'm moaning about, so as long as they're there pissing about, acting like idiots and sneering at me for not acting like they do, I'm constantly on edge and uncomfortable and thus very serious and miserably unfortunately
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 20th October 2012, 19:12
Azi Azi is offline
Administrator
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: SAUK HQ
Posts: 15,699
Default Re: Is having a serious personality really that bad

^ Urgh, I hate people like that. Have you tried CBT or anything? Might just help you deal with the idiots.
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old 20th October 2012, 19:13
Olly. Olly. is offline
Global Moderator
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Northants
Posts: 5,971
Default Re: Is having a serious personality really that bad

Quote:
Originally Posted by Azi
^ Urgh, I hate people like that. Have you tried CBT or anything? Might just help you deal with the idiots.
Right now I'm trying to convince myself to see a doctor, have got as far as registering with one in my uni town but really struggling to get any further, can just see me making an appointment and then chickening out at the last minute
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 20th October 2012, 19:36
iTz0kt0Bu iTz0kt0Bu is offline
Banned at own request
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: NW_LDN
Posts: 6,968
Blog Entries: 10
Default Re: Is having a serious personality really that bad

Quote:
Originally Posted by Azi
No, we're all different and that's fine. But being overly serious all the time can be a mental health issue - I think I tend to the serious because being silly and jolly feels out of control and makes me panicky. I think people with anxiety issues are prone to trying to control things (eg their own behaviour, by over analysing absolutely everything in a social encounter to learn how to be 'perfect') and struggle to go with the flow. So by getting comfortable with letting go sometimes you might find you naturally become less serious, and be happier for it.
I guess so, I know my SA makes me over analyse some things. I think I would be less serious if I was less SA in public but I feel I would still definitely have a serious side. Although most of my age mates aren't very serious, I've seen some that are playful but also kind of more serious than most peers.

Like another member said we are all different and no one is really better.
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 20th October 2012, 19:49
Rufus Rufus is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Leicester
Posts: 2,842
Default Re: Is having a serious personality really that bad

Its only a problem if it stops you doing what you want to do or makes you unhappy. Just as shyness is in everyone but only becomes a problem if its so extreme it stops you having a relationship,making friends or getting a job.
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 20th October 2012, 20:15
Azi Azi is offline
Administrator
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: SAUK HQ
Posts: 15,699
Default Re: Is having a serious personality really that bad

^^ I've always been more serious than my peers too, and fitted in better with older people.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ollyh
Right now I'm trying to convince myself to see a doctor, have got as far as registering with one in my uni town but really struggling to get any further, can just see me making an appointment and then chickening out at the last minute
I found it helpful to write down all my symptoms before went to show the doctor ; there's nothing worse than getting there and finding yourself minimise what you're going through due to anxiety and then beating yourself up because you subsequently didn't get taken as seriously as you should. Best of luck with going - if you're at uni you should also be entitled to Disabled Student's Allowance, which you could use to pay for a support worker or notetaker.

http://www.social-anxiety-community....ad.php?t=59462
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 20th October 2012, 21:00
Mina Mina is offline
Member
 
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 497

Mood
Spaced

Default Re: Is having a serious personality really that bad

hmmm that's an interesting thought I'm sort of a serious person myself and I also enjoy quite serious hobbies.

I'm a mature student at uni and I've also noticed that people will say I'm too serious and then ask if they can read my notes because they didn't take the lectures seriously and were too busy whispering sarcastic comments to each other My uni friends are in their 30's so this isn't a maturity thing.

It can also be a problem if people are not serious enough, because if you're emotional intelligence is low and you can't identify and deal with negative emotions (if you always try and laugh off the sad stuff or go drinking to forget your problems) then one day you will have to grow up very fast and deal with an issue that can't be laughed away, like losing your job or being unwell.

I do wish I had a better sense of humour though, I wish I could get away from myself once in a while and really have a good laugh.
Reply With Quote
  #16  
Old 21st October 2012, 10:37
GoldFish GoldFish is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 1,454
Default Re: Is having a serious personality really that bad

Depends! For instance i work in a big company where all the floor staff are crazy funny and very witty, and i mean really sharp with comebacks and the gossip is fairly intense. I have found it to be good exposure but at the same time its very painful exposure, because i know how far you have to go to be like them, it takes years of being confident daily if you want to be on that level and its hard if you are mostly serious, but the seriousness is only because of the anxiousness of being in a forced environment, such as work or a party where you are sort of enclosed in a building for many hours.

i find myself laughing alot at the jokey people but not really engaging them with comebacks enough, most of the people are light hearted and funny but that is normal for them. i'm guessing they have experienced alot, probably travelled, were confident growing up etc.

its tough being in that world.

but not all places are that intense, every place is different at work. i am looking at finding a new job because its too exhausting, but the exposure is probably good for me, its just too draining though. The sarcasm from people who have been there for years is really over the top and extreme, its sort of hard to respond to it when i engage in conversation, i am ok sometimes, but i can also be unintentionally awkward.
Reply With Quote
  #17  
Old 21st October 2012, 10:41
GoldFish GoldFish is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 1,454
Default Re: Is having a serious personality really that bad

Depends! For instance i work in a big company where all the floor staff are crazy funny and very witty, and i mean really sharp with comebacks and the gossip is fairly intense. I have found it to be good exposure but at the same time its very painful exposure, because i know how far you have to go to be like them, it takes years of being confident daily if you want to be on that level and its hard if you are mostly serious, but the seriousness is only because of the anxiousness of being in a forced environment, such as work or a party where you are sort of enclosed in a building for many hours.

i find myself laughing alot at the jokey people but not really engaging them with comebacks enough, most of the people are light hearted and funny but that is normal for them. i'm guessing they have experienced alot, probably travelled, were confident growing up etc.

its tough being in that world.

It might just be that your environment makes you serious because you dont feel free, content and happy enough to loosen up a bit and relax. That's usually the problem. If your personality clashes with your work and home envionment then you'll feel rigid and serious alot anyway, especially if you aren't doing fun stuff on weekends or on week nights.
but not all places are that intense, every place is different at work.
Reply With Quote
  #18  
Old 21st October 2012, 19:25
PositivePoemsbyme PositivePoemsbyme is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Acceptance lane
Posts: 1,398
Blog Entries: 82

Mood
Dreaming

Default Re: Is having a serious personality really that bad

just be who you are. dont try to be someone that you arent, If you feel you are being too serious and it gets you more anxious then you can try to relax with some laughs. my boyfriend is more serious and i am more the funny one it balances us out lol. sometimes though he can be funny and i can be serious. just be whatever comes naturally to you.
Reply With Quote
  #19  
Old 21st October 2012, 20:03
Olly. Olly. is offline
Global Moderator
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Northants
Posts: 5,971
Default Re: Is having a serious personality really that bad

Quote:
Originally Posted by PositivePoemsbyme
just be who you are. dont try to be someone that you arent, If you feel you are being too serious and it gets you more anxious then you can try to relax with some laughs. my boyfriend is more serious and i am more the funny one it balances us out lol. sometimes though he can be funny and i can be serious. just be whatever comes naturally to you.
But this highlights the problem for me, at uni I've never really found any like-minded people that I could properly connect to, so I've basically felt the need throughout uni to be someone that I'm not and pretend to enjoy going out or drinking or student stuff, I've never really come across anyone who didn't judge me or was miserable towards me if I showed any reluctance to socialise. I long to meet someone who is acceptant of who I am but I wonder whether I ever will as they seem so rare. I know people will say 'well go and find like-minded people then' but its too late for that, as a result of bad experiences I'm now just too scared to go out and try and meet new people
Reply With Quote
  #20  
Old 21st October 2012, 20:30
Scott85 Scott85 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Leicester
Posts: 643

Mood
Lurking

Default Re: Is having a serious personality really that bad

I don’t have much in the way of advice to offer, but I can definitely relate. In my case I definitely do have a “fun” side to my personality, but very few people have ever seen it properly. The only time that people get to see it is when I am completely relaxed, and that is an extremely rare occurrence indeed. Pretty much all of the time I come across as really serious because of my shyness/SA and depression. I just find it very difficult to act any differently.
Reply With Quote
  #21  
Old 25th October 2012, 18:04
blue442 blue442 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 10

Mood
Worried

Default Re: Is having a serious personality really that bad

I think I come across as serious most of the time, if I'm in a social situation and feel awkward (the other option is to over-compensate and try to joke around, which I am usually embarrassed about afterwards!!) but I don't know whether that's the real me or not. I think it can be mis-interpreted a lot which is worrying to me, for example someone said I'm intimidating! That shocked me as I'm very self-deprecating and timid. But I think they misunderstand quietness. With time I open up and I am much less serious.

But outside of a 'friendship' situation I actually think appearing serious can be a good thing. For example, I get asked directions a lot by strangers so I must appear knowledgeable and reliable. Also, in a work environment I think it can make you seem more intelligent and reliable.

So no, seriousness is not all bad in my opinion! Also with friends, I've found that with another serious person a friendship can flourish. We can worry and over-analyse things together!!
Reply With Quote
  #22  
Old 25th October 2012, 18:29
Superfred Superfred is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 960
Blog Entries: 2

Mood
Spaced

Default Re: Is having a serious personality really that bad

People are difficult.

There is nothing wrong with being serious but people will judge you for it anyway. Some people are always judging others and telling people that being this way is bad and that way is good. Other people don't care.

I think as I've aged I've started to realise that I feel better and more myself around some people more than others. So if you feel uncomfortable or not yourself around certain people it could be that you are two people that just don't 'click' or whatever.

Some people will love you being serious and find that fun it it's own way...at least I like to believe that

Try to learn to be happy with who you are I guess and try to pay less attention to others. Not as easy as it sounds though :P
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools

Forum Jump


All times are GMT +1. The time now is 07:08.


SAUK Award
Logo designed by abc
Powered by vBulletin
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.