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  #1  
Old 23rd April 2015, 01:00
GlasgowFilmTheatreFan GlasgowFilmTheatreFan is offline
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Default Meeting the challenge of finding new IRL friends as you get older (e.g. 55/60/65)

My life situation is changing in the near future, in some ways for the better but in others worse. I will have the opportunity to pursue training and voluntary work again although I would be beating the odds to find paid employment after so long out of the workforce. However I could see myself possibly getting a low-paid office job, living frugally, and managing OK. I can see myself getting around on little day trips more and enjoying those. I can also picture myself getting better at online communication and taking up my studies of Spanish again and maybe exchanging Skype chats with people who were retired or early retired and just wanted to pursue English for leisure and to enjoy conversation. However I do wonder about simultaneously getting better online while at the same time finding it harder to make new real-life friends and getting rustier at real-life conversations in future as I go from middle-aged to old, and it does worry me a bit. So my question is, how do we meet the challenge of finding new real-life friends as we get a bit older, or do we accept that we are likely to be a bit more isolated and find therapeutic activities such as journaling we can do by ourselves and not rely on others who may or may not come along?

There's obviously many possibilities for what might happen to me in future, but I know there's many with my condition (bipolar) who don't do well in the long term. I guess I have to keep myself in the present and try to build now for the future, while not letting anxieties about possible negative outcomes overwhelm me. What do you think your life will be like at 55, 60, 65?
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  #2  
Old 23rd April 2015, 04:03
R.H.I.N.O. R.H.I.N.O. is offline
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Default Re: Do you worry about getting more lonely and isolated the older you get?

Well i am 55, so no need to speculate in my case. Life never gets easier, just more tolerable as i care less and less about changing it. I've accepted this is my lot and i'll just gradually fade away over the next however long i have left.
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  #3  
Old 23rd April 2015, 11:53
mossieman mossieman is offline
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Default Re: Do you worry about getting more lonely and isolated the older you get?

I can't really get much more lonely or isolated than I am now so given in worrying about it really
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  #4  
Old 23rd April 2015, 17:36
Moksha Moksha is offline
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Default Re: Do you worry about getting more lonely and isolated the older you get?

Yes, it does worry me. SA is like a suffocating prison cell. I have screamed and banged by head and shoulders against the walls, but nothing works. I just cannot escape. And the older I get the more I feel the walls closing in. It is so, so hard to live with regret and to accept the passing of time. I am 38 now and can see my hideous, nightmarish 40th looming ever closer. I am dreading it like I am dreading the day my GP says "it's cancer".

But what worries me is that I'm running out of energy and beginning to accept that this is it, that it ain't getting no better. Time zips by so quickly once you reach your 30s. I can see myself aged 70 in a little bungalow somewhere, isolated, ill and terrified wondering how the hell it came to this. It really staggers me how awful life is and why anyone thinks it's a good idea to bring children into this hell. I know it is a pathetic thing to whine, but this disorder is so ****ing unfair
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  #5  
Old 23rd April 2015, 19:00
GlasgowFilmTheatreFan GlasgowFilmTheatreFan is offline
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Default Re: Do you worry about getting more lonely and isolated the older you get?

Thank you all for such honest replies. I guess it's an issue with no easy solution. I probably could cope if things stayed the way they are, with me socialising mostly online and with some SA meets too, but if there were things I could do to improve my situation and feel more connected I would do so. Too bad I have no hand-eye co-ordination or I could join the lawn bowls club
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  #6  
Old 24th April 2015, 00:13
-Simon- -Simon- is offline
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Default Re: Do you worry about getting more lonely and isolated the older you get?

I guess I'm lucky in that I've children who are always a part of my life and I hope will continue to be when I'm much older. I became a dad in my early 20s and am now a granddad at 50 so, although I will undoubtedly live alone, there will always be my role and responsibilities as father and grandfather to consider. On the other hand though it has held me back in some ways, I've been a single parent for most of the time and that has limited the opportunities for socialising although I suspect I would still not be very sociable even if I could have gone out more. I'm quite looking forward to being alone, as long as I've got my health and enough money to make life comfortable. It would be nice to have friends, not even close friends but just people I could arrange to do things with, cinema, theatre, restaurants, travel etc. I wonder if Sauk will still be around in another 10 - 20 years, we could arrange geriatric meets.
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  #7  
Old 24th April 2015, 00:49
GlasgowFilmTheatreFan GlasgowFilmTheatreFan is offline
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Default Re: Do you worry about getting more lonely and isolated the older you get?

If they still have discounted railcards for oldies in 20 years time Simon we'll be quid's in for the geriatric meet, I'm up for for it! We could race mobility scooters along the promenade somewhere like an older version of mods and rockers

I am sure there were challenging times being a single parent on occasions, but hopefully your children and grandchildren will see you as a valuable part of their lives and here I think our attitude is vital. I can't see any possibility of me having children but I do have two lovely nieces, and I am determined that if they want to visit me occasionally or have me visit them when I am older I will be cheerful and make them feel better for having visited, and any grumbles I might have about aches and pains will be saved for my fellow "silver surfers" in an appropriate forum.

I do see a value in having someone willing to go to theatre, restaurants, short travel etc. (luckily I have one arthouse cinema here where I feel totally at home on my own) and if I have the finances to be doing those things I would seek out opportunities for that either in groups or one to one. I could picture me being a valued person as a platonic companion to someone of a similar age when I got a fair bit older, as I think people are open to a wider range of people as friends while having much higher expectations of partners, so I could make a good friend while being unsuitable as a partner. And while some older people still think of themselves as being young at heart and avoid some groups as "it's all old people there!" (forgetting they are old themselves) I would be very grateful to participate in University of the Third Age and other organised activities for older people. I have met a few retired folks through attending Spanish meets and they are quite mellow and enjoy conversation for it's own sake (without looking at their smartphones every two minutes lol!) and now they don't have to participate in the striving of the rat race any more have a much more mellow outlook on life. So really if I can get through the next 22 years unscathed and in good health maybe I'll be all right after all (though I wouldn't be surprised if they sneakily raised the retirement age between now and then).

p.s. thanks very much for the PM, I'll reply in the next day or two
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  #8  
Old 24th April 2015, 17:17
-Simon- -Simon- is offline
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Default Re: Do you worry about getting more lonely and isolated the older you get?

I think the internet will be useful to me in my twilight years, which hasn't been the case for previous generations. Total isolation wouldn't be very good for mental health but being able to find groups and activities to keep actively involved at my own pace would be good. A lot of other stuff I'll be happy to do alone- I'm quite looking forward to it really.
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  #9  
Old 24th April 2015, 18:54
Carbon(cycle)Fodder Carbon(cycle)Fodder is offline
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Default Re: Do you worry about getting more lonely and isolated the older you get?

one of my Aunts opened my eyes a bit a while ago,.
she's in her 70's and seemed more socially active than many people I know,.
she takes part in walking groups, baking groups, local welfare club groups, charity groups, she has lots of stuff going on, - this made me feel a bit embarrassed about how little I do and how little I interact with people in my local community.

but, in general,. it's possible there are more clubs etc. for older people, as I suppose they have more time on their hands after retirement ?

there's lots of personal interest social clubs / groups to be had too, meet.com(or is it meet-up? ) gives lots of opportunities too for meeting similar people and expanding your social circle,.

I think the opportunities are there, but being SA,. perhaps it's not ultimately what we might actually want or feel able to commit to ?
- but nonetheless, I think there's probably stuff we can do that might surprise us,.
- my neighbours keep asking me to join their local lawn bowls club,. eek!!
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  #10  
Old 24th April 2015, 21:08
Moksha Moksha is offline
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Default Re: Do you worry about getting more lonely and isolated the older you get?

Quote:
Originally Posted by runaway
one of my Aunts opened my eyes a bit a while ago,.
she's in her 70's and seemed more socially active than many people I know,
she takes part in walking groups, baking groups, local welfare club groups, charity groups, she has lots of stuff going on, - this made me feel a bit embarrassed about how little I do and how little I interact with people in my local community.
My problem is, apart from my SA, I'm also quite misanthropic and very sensitive to other people's comments, moods and behaviour. I don't miss anything and when I dislike someone I really dislike them. I know that if I joined those sorts of groups in old age there would be at least one person I couldn't stand. I should really have had kids. By nature I'm a homebody and a family man, but SA, and my reluctance to bring children into this horrible world, prevented me.

I wish I wasn't so frightened of death. It would be nice to have the option of ending it all quick and clean before life became nothing but torture, stuck in an old people's home waiting for cancer or alzheimers to finish me off.
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  #11  
Old 26th April 2015, 04:21
Unnecessarily Long Username_1 Unnecessarily Long Username_1 is offline
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Default Re: Do you worry about getting more lonely and isolated the older you get?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Moksha
I wish I wasn't so frightened of death. It would be nice to have the option of ending it all quick and clean before life became nothing but torture, stuck in an old people's home waiting for cancer or alzheimers to finish me off.
I don't intend to wait for cancer or Alzheimer's. Nor do I intend to end it all (not directly, at least). I plan to start taking Class A drugs when I reach old age. In a strange way, I look forward to reaching an age where time is so short that the entire concept of long-term consequences no longer exists. I might even take up extreme sports too. I'm hoping to die while whitewater kayaking, jumping out of a plane or from a heroin overdose at the age of 80, rather than from natural causes in a care home.
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  #12  
Old 26th April 2015, 08:17
-Simon- -Simon- is offline
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Default Re: Do you worry about getting more lonely and isolated the older you get?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Unnecessarily Long Username_1
I don't intend to wait for cancer or Alzheimer's. Nor do I intend to end it all (not directly, at least). I plan to start taking Class A drugs when I reach old age. In a strange way, I look forward to reaching an age where time is so short that the entire concept of long-term consequences no longer exists.
I've thought of that too but more like getting hold of now something that would finish me off in relatively pleasant way and keeping it as an escape plan in the hope that, if a long drawn out demise is on the cards, I'll have enough advance warning and enough of my wits still about me to put the plan into action. I doubt i'll be able to get hold of the right stuff when I'm very hold, it seems like it would be difficult now, and I'm such a procrastinator that I will probably miss the optimum time for taking the stuff, if I ever get around to buying it at all.
I would also like to start smoking again if I get to 80 and tobacco is still available.
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  #13  
Old 26th April 2015, 08:42
flumpsy flumpsy is offline
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Default Re: Do you worry about getting more lonely and isolated the older you get?

Mind you, don't start too early and end up knackered and addicted with years left to go. Will you be able to get out there and arrange jumping out of a plane when you get older? I think many feel we may be less likely to arrange it then than now. Especially scoring hard drugs

Personally I wouldn't choose heroin as a "out with a bang" option, it is normally preceded by years on a downhill slope. Anything but heroin.

To the op, I do worry but unusually for me am finding it hard to express. I have been heading towards a lonely old age but think I am still able to make changes. I never prepared or expected middle age or old age so haven't really figured out what to do with it.

From 25-40 seemed to fly by so quickly now I have stopped and am looking around I wonder how I got here. I guess I always expected to keep flying by and then die, as I type I realise I am describing a midlife crisis
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  #14  
Old 26th April 2015, 20:51
Moksha Moksha is offline
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Default Re: Do you worry about getting more lonely and isolated the older you get?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Unnecessarily Long Username_1
I don't intend to wait for cancer or Alzheimer's. Nor do I intend to end it all (not directly, at least). I plan to start taking Class A drugs when I reach old age. In a strange way, I look forward to reaching an age where time is so short that the entire concept of long-term consequences no longer exists. I might even take up extreme sports too. I'm hoping to die while whitewater kayaking, jumping out of a plane or from a heroin overdose at the age of 80, rather than from natural causes in a care home.
Have you seen the film 'Little Miss Sunshine'? There is a character in the movie who lives as you suggest and does die of a heroin overdose. It makes a lot of sense, I must admit. One of the few advantages of reaching extreme old age is that death is (I presume) relatively easy. The body is so wrecked, so frail and old that an extreme shock like a heroin overdose or heart attack would end things pretty quick. The most horrific cancers seem to be those suffered by the young and middle aged. The body of an 85 year old is not going to put up much resistance. Come to think of it, Brian Sewell the art critic wrote an article along these lines. He said he planned to take a load of pills, then go and sit on a park bench someone quiet. He also mentioned an elderly lady he knew who'd been in hospital and had secretly stored up the morphine they gave her- then took the lot and went out smiling. Maybe I could start a fight with a bunch of vicious, drunken thugs? Having been a physical coward all my life, and having avoided violence at all costs, it would be funny to leave the world an 85 year old hero!!
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  #15  
Old 29th April 2015, 10:45
Carbon(cycle)Fodder Carbon(cycle)Fodder is offline
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Default Re: Do you worry about getting more lonely and isolated the older you get?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Moksha
My problem is, apart from my SA, I'm also quite misanthropic and very sensitive to other people's comments, moods and behaviour. I don't miss anything and when I dislike someone I really dislike them. I know that if I joined those sorts of groups in old age there would be at least one person I couldn't stand.
do you see that your own mind-set is just putting you off stuff ?
- no offence Moksha,. but how can you KNOW you will hate someone in the future ? - someone you haven't even met yet ?

you're also missing the element of being surprised at how much you will like someone too,. by admission ?

hating and demonising other people is possibly a way for you to always be the one who is always right, other people are wrong and need to change ?
- demonise and hate someone else with a passion in order to strengthen your own idea of being right ?
- I do sympathise,. but hating other people and concentrating on (imagined?) slights is just going to carve yourself up inside,

try looking at your thoughts and feelings objectively and maybe their warped negative skew will become apparent ?
it's not easy seeing ourselves as skewed, out of sync, and off-kilter,. but in doing so, maybe other people will become less burdensome too ?
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  #16  
Old 1st May 2015, 23:17
chrisv chrisv is offline
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Default Re: Meeting the challenge of finding new IRL friends as you get older (e.g. 55/60/65)

Sadly the older I get the more lonely and isolated I like to be!
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  #17  
Old 2nd May 2015, 21:33
les les is offline
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Default Re: Do you worry about getting more lonely and isolated the older you get?

I don't see how my isolation could get much worse as I get older apart from no longer working, the positive side of things could be I go into sheltered housing with a panic button, visiting warden, and communal facilities and there are old folks day centres that I could use however at the end of the day I am planing to shuffle off this mortal coil when I am ready and not end up at the mercy of an old folks home.
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Old 2nd May 2015, 21:54
firemonkey firemonkey is offline
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Default Re: Do you worry about getting more lonely and isolated the older you get?

I don't think I could get more isolated. The sh*t will hit the fanbelt when I go into deep decline mentally or physically.
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  #19  
Old 15th May 2015, 22:34
Mole58 Mole58 is offline
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Cool Re: Do you worry about getting more lonely and isolated the older you get?

'Travis Bickle: Loneliness has followed me my whole life. Everywhere. In bars, in cars, sidewalks, stores, everywhere. There's no escape. I'm God's lonely man... June 8th. My life has taken another turn again. The days can go on with regularity over and over, one day indistinguishable from the next. A long continuous chain. Then suddenly, there is a change.'
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  #20  
Old 17th May 2015, 04:37
Silhouette Silhouette is offline
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Default Re: Do you worry about getting more lonely and isolated the older you get?

I'm resigned to the fact that I'm going to die alone.
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  #21  
Old 17th May 2015, 05:13
newbs16 newbs16 is offline
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Default Re: Meeting the challenge of finding new IRL friends as you get older (e.g. 55/60/65)

Out of interest how is your life going to change?
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  #22  
Old 17th May 2015, 05:16
newbs16 newbs16 is offline
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Default Re: Meeting the challenge of finding new IRL friends as you get older (e.g. 55/60/65)

I dread the thought of being:

Old
Lonely
Miserable
Sad
With no friends or husband and only animals for company

Need to try and sort my life out before its too late!
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  #23  
Old 17th May 2015, 05:32
You Have 0 New Messages You Have 0 New Messages is offline
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Default Re: Do you worry about getting more lonely and isolated the older you get?

Nearly all my friends (from my past life) have their own families now, most are successful people with money and influence. Although the only time that worries me is when I'm extremely drunk. Not sure if that's because of some unusual clarity of thought brought about by alcohol, or just reversion to default programming tbh. My life is what it is because of the choices I've made, I don't blame/proffer credit to anyone else for that.
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  #24  
Old 17th May 2015, 10:00
Mole58 Mole58 is offline
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Default Re: Meeting the challenge of finding new IRL friends as you get older (e.g. 55/60/65)

Quote:
Originally Posted by newbie2013
Out of interest how is your life going to change?
'A brand new friend'!!
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  #25  
Old 30th May 2015, 02:40
Bob Garside Bob Garside is offline
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Default Re: Do you worry about getting more lonely and isolated the older you get?

I like this thread. I have long entertained the idea of heavy, fatalistic drug use in my 70s/80s, should I reach that stage, pffft. That's when I'm doing that acid I always postponed, scared to take, a biblesworth of A4 sheets of the sh!t. A million lives revisited in a dying afternoon as I loll in my own wet filth. It wouldn't even kill me. I'd do it every day until I expired, toss in opioids, amphetamine derivatives, other hallucinogens, rare narcotic flowers imported at vast expense from distant parts of Asia, Africa and South America, maybe even the Antarctic.

And if all else fails beforehand, there are ALWAYS pubs n drugs. And we're interesting people. Interestingness will always get you a partner in the end. And that deathbed drugsfest is merely the big Xmas prezzie at the end of it all.

Stock up.
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Old 30th May 2015, 03:54
Silhouette Silhouette is offline
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Default Re: Do you worry about getting more lonely and isolated the older you get?

When I think of old age I imagine my rotten corpse being discovered when the neighbours complain about the smell.
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  #27  
Old 2nd June 2015, 15:56
Phool Phool is offline
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Default Re: Meeting the challenge of finding new IRL friends as you get older (e.g. 55/60/65)

Simple answer yes. I have no children, no siblings and an elderly mother. Anyone's guess as to which of us pops off first!

My real life friend circle has diminished to virtually none. Well none that I really see or hang out with.

I have a large group of cousins but all much younger than me so I won't be hanging out with them in my old age.
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Old 2nd June 2015, 15:58
Phool Phool is offline
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Default Re: Meeting the challenge of finding new IRL friends as you get older (e.g. 55/60/65)

Oops didn't finish post. So to sum up unless I dramatically become more sociable its gonna be pretty isolated. I worry mostly about losing my independence if my physical health fails.
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  #29  
Old 2nd June 2015, 16:41
Ben1988 Ben1988 is offline
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Default Re: Do you worry about getting more lonely and isolated the older you get?

Since I started with social anxiety stuff 10 years ago I've gone from loads of friends to 1 who I'm sure thinks I'm a bit desperate haha. That's why I'm on here, to make new friends! So if anyone wants my Facebook or to meet up just lemme know ��
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  #30  
Old 2nd June 2015, 18:23
Azalea Azalea is offline
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Default Re: Meeting the challenge of finding new IRL friends as you get older (e.g. 55/60/65)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Phool
Simple answer yes. I have no children, no siblings and an elderly mother. Anyone's guess as to which of us pops off first!

My real life friend circle has diminished to virtually none. Well none that I really see or hang out with.

I have a large group of cousins but all much younger than me so I won't be hanging out with them in my old age.
Similar story here. I do have kids but apart from eldest son they get on with their own lives, always visiting their dad who left us in so much debt there is no way to recover from it and never appreciating what I've done and given up for them.

Most of my cousins have already passed away.

I don't think I could actually get any lonelier than I am though.
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