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  #1  
Old 7th September 2015, 01:35
Norris Norris is offline
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Default Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?

Most of the time it doesn't. And rationally I think there are so many children already in the world and we're all kinda related anyway and I don't want to pass on my messed up genes and blah blah blah...But sometimes when I think about life and death and family I get so distressed that I don't have any and probably won't. Like there's times when the innate urge to be a parent is so overwhelming, and I feel like I'm missing out on the whole point of life.

I worry that it might hit me even harder when I'm older. Like death in general is so terrifying but maybe if I was on my deathbed and I had a couple of kids who were doing well then I could deal with it better.
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  #2  
Old 7th September 2015, 23:41
R.H.I.N.O. R.H.I.N.O. is offline
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Default Re: Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?

It did in my 30's and still does later in life. Probably my biggest regret and the older i get, the more it hurts.
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  #3  
Old 8th September 2015, 11:03
cutepuffins cutepuffins is offline
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Default Re: Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?

Not at all, doesn't bother me in my 50s either!
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  #4  
Old 8th September 2015, 11:37
redcard redcard is offline
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Default Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?

It doesn't bother me, but I do sometimes think of all the experiences I'm missing out on by not having kids. I've got a nephew I take out once a month or so, and I'm happy with that.

Weighing it all up, I'd rather not give up my lie-ins at the weekend.
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  #5  
Old 8th September 2015, 11:51
SeekingSolace SeekingSolace is offline
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Default Re: Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?

I'm in no fit state to have a kid. I imagine I'd have loved to have one, and it'd probably have helped me to get a grip and be more devoted to sorting myself out, but nah, I'm a mess, it wouldn't have been fair.
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  #6  
Old 8th September 2015, 17:26
Dougella Dougella is offline
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Default Re: Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?

I don't want children so no it doesn't.

I understand for people who would like to have kids that it must be something that bothers them though. It is still possible to have children in your forties (especially for men) so I don't think you should give up hope if you don't have any in your thirties.

Also it is possible to have a child alone through artificial insemination etc. I know someone who has decided to do this, as she just hasn't met the right person and wants to be a Mum.
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  #7  
Old 8th September 2015, 18:22
tryinghard tryinghard is offline
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Default Re: Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?

I'm nearly 30 (29)....does that count? Most of my friends don't have kids yet, but they're getting there, and I'm not yet at the point I'm really afraid it won't happen for me, but I am starting to have my doubts. I think I might have been born a mother. I loved looking after dolls when I was a kid (despite being otherwise a tomboy), then looking after my dog as a teenager...and I'm sure many of my exes would resentfully tell you I wanted to look after them too (*slaps self on wrist*). I take a lot of joy in the idea of raising children who are happy and confident and helping them to have the best life I could give them - there's always been something in me that really gets a lot from nurturing others and I would want to create a kind of imaginative wonderland for my kids (without spoiling them, I also dream of thinking of good ways to instill discipline and a strong work ethic...) I just like the idea of being someone's Mam, really - probably even more so than being someone's wife!

Don't know if that stems from a problem with in me - I worried it was at first - but I think as I've grown older that I would want children for the right reasons (to give them a good life, not to fill some void in me, if you see what I mean). So it does sadden me to think it might not happen, but I think I would be jumping the gun to mourn yet! I've still got a good few years in me before my womb goes sour!
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  #8  
Old 8th September 2015, 18:34
Amplexor Amplexor is offline
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Default Re: Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?

Yeah it does bother me a bit. I want children but it's hard to find a girlfriend who is accepting of SA! Anyone interested?
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  #9  
Old 8th September 2015, 21:28
Silent Ninja Silent Ninja is offline
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Default Re: Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?

It does sometimes but I'd never be able to cope with the responsibility or be mature enough to raise a child.

I'm more concerned with the fact I've never practiced making any yet.
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  #10  
Old 9th September 2015, 17:26
Spectrelight Spectrelight is offline
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Default Re: Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?

Not at all. I've never wanted them anyway.
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  #11  
Old 14th September 2015, 18:01
Mo34 Mo34 is offline
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Default Re: Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?

Yes, of late. I'd probably be crap, but I guess I imagine I'll look back on my life in older age and regret it immensely.
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  #12  
Old 14th September 2015, 20:34
Toxic Toxic is offline
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Default Re: Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?

Nearly 30!

I'd say its good that I've never wanted kids because I don't think I have any chance of being in a position where I "could" have kids even if I wanted to, chronically single with no sign of change.

I can imagine if I was desperate to be a father I'd be bricking it at the moment as..yeah the odds really aint in my favour.
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  #13  
Old 17th September 2015, 21:31
chocolatechip chocolatechip is offline
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Default Re: Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?

yes I'd regret it/be worried about it
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  #14  
Old 17th September 2015, 22:45
Fungus Fungus is offline
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Default Re: Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?

Not really. I sometimes get envious of the normal people with families but I was so used to the idea that I would always be alone from my teens that a normal life was never a serious option.
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  #15  
Old 18th September 2015, 12:44
pheys pheys is offline
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Default Re: Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?

social anxiety, tuberculosis, inherited spasticated parapalegia run in the family. me having a child wouldn't be fair in my opinion
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  #16  
Old 18th September 2015, 16:20
Ben1981 Ben1981 is offline
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Default Re: Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?

Doesn't bother me at all right now. I'm still undecided about wanting kids and theres also plenty of other things I want to do in life which having children would interfere with. These days it seems quite a few people don't have kids until their late 30s to early 40s so no need to start worrying about that yet.
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  #17  
Old 19th September 2015, 20:55
HaveANiceDay HaveANiceDay is offline
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Default Re: Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?

A bit, yes. What I did about it was to get involved with a small children's charity that works in Africa.
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  #18  
Old 3rd October 2015, 00:27
eMe eMe is offline
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Default Re: Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?

Wouldn't say it bothers me as of now, but in 10 years time it would I think. Not just the children but missing the family life would bother me, much more so than job or success or popularity.
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  #19  
Old 3rd October 2015, 02:48
Between The Bars Between The Bars is offline
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Default Re: Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?

Nut!
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  #20  
Old 12th October 2015, 21:16
Carbon(cycle)Fodder Carbon(cycle)Fodder is offline
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Default Re: Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?

children can give your life a new meaning that you'd never have imagined,
the bond, love and warmth you share with your children goes deeper than most other relationships,

I'm sure lots of people with children basically say,. their life started after they had children,.. before that, they were basically just messing about.
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  #21  
Old 13th October 2015, 18:53
Sun Wukong Sun Wukong is offline
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Default Re: Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?

Iím north of 35 and it has stung a bit at times thinking/catastrophizing that Iím not going to get a chance to start a family, but then again, who knows what the futures holds .

Also, at times itís actually feels like it wouldnít be a bad thing either, in that a life without kids would be more flexible and opportunities would be open to me that are not to those with families.
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  #22  
Old 21st October 2015, 16:24
scratch scratch is offline
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Default Re: Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?

I'm 34 and it is starting to bother me a bit. I would love to be a father and I know my parents would love to be grandparents because of the hints they keeping dropping which puts added pressure on me. I need to find a girlfriend first though
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  #23  
Old 15th November 2015, 19:51
Libbyjay Libbyjay is offline
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Default Re: Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?

Yes! I'm 38 in Jan and although I feel like I'm only 20 I'm being to get really worried it's never going to happen. But I've only got myself to blame. Had I sorted myself out 10 years ago things may be different. 1st challenge is finding someone that wants to be with me and stay with me as I couldn't hack being a single mum
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  #24  
Old 15th November 2015, 20:55
newbs16 newbs16 is offline
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Default Re: Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?

.
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  #25  
Old 20th November 2015, 15:20
purpleyay purpleyay is offline
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Default Re: Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?

Yes. It does hurt me that I won't have children. It hurts me a lot.
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  #26  
Old 20th November 2015, 16:41
Pathetic_Earthling Pathetic_Earthling is offline
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Default Re: Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?

I don't want children to pass on my anxieties to. I do regret not not wanting to have them and I wish I felt capable but I don't.
My life has no purpose.
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  #27  
Old 21st November 2015, 02:25
tryinghard tryinghard is offline
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Default Re: Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?

Eurgh....this thread keeps coming up, huh? Yeah I keep on trying to remind myself the clock is ticking and bully myself into dating but for reasons I do not fully understand the whole idea of being in a relationship is vaguely sickening to me. I'm so going to regret this when my womb goes sour...
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  #28  
Old 21st November 2015, 02:40
Norris Norris is offline
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Default Re: Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?

Quote:
Originally Posted by tryinghard
Eurgh....this thread keeps coming up, huh? Yeah I keep on trying to remind myself the clock is ticking and bully myself into dating but for reasons I do not fully understand the whole idea of being in a relationship is vaguely sickening to me. I'm so going to regret this when my womb goes sour...
I know right, I flinch a bit every time I see there's been a reply. Sorry forum!
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  #29  
Old 21st November 2015, 02:46
tryinghard tryinghard is offline
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Default Re: Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?

^Haha, no, no don't worry, I can deal with my flinches...
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  #30  
Old 24th November 2015, 21:03
Dandelion10 Dandelion10 is offline
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Default Re: Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?

I've had two pregnancy scares recently (with my partner, no-one else). They were borderline hysterical bc, I don't know if anyone else gets this, those weird cramps you get after sex?

Well I thought that was implantation cramps and the test was positive but I later learned that you can't get an accurate test result until 4 days before your period, unless you use Clear Blue.

Getting pregnant is something I am really, really looking forward to in life and there's only one guy I would like to be the father (my S.O!) but I don't expect him to stay with me, not bc of anything he's said/done, I just don't really expect loyalty.
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