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  #1  
Old 28th September 2015, 22:48
Z. Z. is offline
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Exclamation The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

If you are feeling suicidal, please read this: http://www.social-anxiety-community....ad.php?t=37514

I thought I would create a thread which is specifically designed to create a space for those who are susceptible to suicidal tendencies, who are able to talk openly about their experiences with suicide, whether they be attempts or thoughts of suicide, and create a support place for those suffering from any problems relating to suicide.

I know what it is like to be suicidal - I have seriously attempted suicide twice, once when I was 12, and the other time this year. I know how isolating and lonely it can be when one experiences these feelings at the very end of the spectrum of despair and depression, so I hope this thread can serve as a support system and safety net, to those who are susceptible to these feelings.

I'm not sure how popular this will be, but I hope it can serve some use to people, and create a supportive and welcoming environment to people who wish to talk about a serious topic - suicide - whatever their specific problem may be.

Whilst posting, please try and post according to the rules of the forum:

Quote:
4. Suicide

Suicidal threats, persistent or otherwise, and discussion of suicide methods and/or techniques are not permitted. Suicidal threats, persistent or otherwise, will be addressed by the moderators on an individual basis with the discussion board member(s) in question.
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  #2  
Old 28th September 2015, 22:50
Dean Dean is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread

Good idea, if this thread can be of even the slightest help to anyone going through this, then it's worth it in my opinion.
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  #3  
Old 29th September 2015, 00:26
Johnny88 Johnny88 is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread

Suicide is always on my mind. Like I said to my mate whilst watching a documentary tonight. I said, I just can't help but find life depressing. When I was younger I had so much life in me and as I got older it seemed like the flame was blown out. Maybe it is foolish of me to contrast my life as child/young teen to what it is like now but it is difficult to let go of an experience you found beautiful and exhilarating. I can't help but notice how little of that I feel now.
Then with anxiety you always have to consider the idea of it lasting until the day I die. Each day I spend ruminating over the same things over and over, trying to find a gap between the thoughts in order to bring a halt to it all. Then I ponder on life, meaning and consider how to approach life. Feeling like something is missing but not sure what. Doubting the point of life and reducing life to a meaningful accumulation of material. I remember David Foster Wallace talking about depression, he described it perfectly. He spoke about how depression affects your experience, how everything is just reduced to things and matter. I can relate to that. Then there seems to be no correlation in the relationship between feelings and thoughts. It seems they are on two different tracks.

So I often hear myself thinking, what is the point.

I don't think I could ever commit suicide though. I'm too scared of the eternal ending and I always rationalise it and consider how miniscule my time on this planet is in comparison to the universes time-frame. So I think if this is going to be shit then so be it, I think I'd rather live it out in case I'm wrong as this is all I get. I cut this life short and I'm non-existent for good and never to return.
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Old 29th September 2015, 01:57
Clayman Clayman is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread

I have fleeting moments where it crosses my mind. Normally as a means to escape suffering. On a scale of 1 being in an absolute black hole and 5 being fufilled, satisfied and happy I would be in the 2-3 realm. I would never do it and I think i'm intelligent enough to know when i'm spiraling downwards to speak up and ask for help.

places like this forum serve a good purpose as an outlet for people to come and connect with others who understand what they are going through and can mean a lot for those who feel like they have nothing or nowhere to go.
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  #5  
Old 29th September 2015, 10:08
PanMaster PanMaster is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

Suicide isn't easy.

You could end up being in a vegetative state or dying horribly.
The worst case is being "locked in", being 100% paralyzed and living 30 years of hell.

Life has to seriously suck to begin to consider risking the above like being stuck on Mars alone or similar.
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  #6  
Old 29th September 2015, 10:27
firemonkey firemonkey is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

My first suicide attempt at 18 was the worst. Between 1975-84 I had several other attempts. Whether I wanted to die or they were extreme cries for help is debatable.
I know I often wonder whether life is worth living but the fear of death and what may be beyond life holds me back.
I also do not have the drive and motivation to commit suicide.
Ironically I do not think that when you are most depressed is the most likely time you'll attempt/commit suicide.
I think that comes when you are depressed but still have the drive and motivation to act on your thoughts.
They say that suicides often happen when people's depression has lifted enough to be discharged from hospital but has not gone away. The combination of residual depression and increased drive and motivation can be deadly.
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  #7  
Old 29th September 2015, 16:58
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

Appreciate all the posts so far. Very interesting, and has given me things to think about. I shall reply in more detail when I have more time.
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  #8  
Old 29th September 2015, 19:12
girlinterrupted girlinterrupted is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

Interesting idea for a thread,hopefully it can help (if it helps even one person then it`s a roaring success).

I haven`t much to add except a (probably stupid) suggestion- would it be an idea to link the stickied thread entitled `Feeling Suicidal? read this first` in this one,maybe in the first post? I know it`s stickied at the top of the forum already but some people may miss it,especially if they view by the New Posts button,and it could be a helpful resource for anyone feeling that way when they search out this thread.

Just a thought
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  #9  
Old 29th September 2015, 22:26
Furious Dave Furious Dave is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

Interesing topic. Hope it stays healthy.

I've made an attempt on my life as well. And recently. Not going to go into details ofc, but I planned it about 2 weeks in advance. Even quit my job thinking it would remove some of the embarrassment of it, since so few would notice I'd be gone. I'd been very depressed before and said to myself I was suicidal many times. Probably more in self-depreciating bravado than anything else. But this time it felt different. Like there was something final to it, that it would never go away. It felt like I was right to do what I was doing. So I carried out my plan to it's end... but didn't do it 'right' and so here I am.

As for what it has done to me now? If anything it has served to me a unnecessarily drastic reassessment of myself. I've cut out the shite I had around me, and decided to get some proper help from a professional. My psych lady is varying in usefulness, but it's worth the effort to try.

I'm still a little freaked out by it. I did it so coldly, if someone saw me during that time they'd have not suspected a thing (I imagine). I have no idea if I'd ever think of doing it again.

The only thing which upsets me about it is my family. They don't know about it and never will. I couldn't give a shit about myself or anyone else any more. But they don't deserve me giving up like that. I think if there is anything you desire in life then there is something to work for and to keep going. I'd never encourage anyone to even consider it. It's never too late to try again and restart your life.
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  #10  
Old 1st October 2015, 11:18
Johnny88 Johnny88 is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

Quote:
Originally Posted by HermannHesse
If I were to write freely on this topic, your post would be pulled.

I have written at length before about how attitudes toward suicide are cultural and inherently related toward a society's view toward mortality, which in our age is mostly one of total denial. (The worst form of denialism is the blase acceptance of death: most people struggle to understand this and think that we are open toward death because we have studied indifference. In fact, it's the complete opposite - most people are completely unable to emotionally engage with the fact that they have been dying since they were born, and that this means that anything anyone could do - whether its set off a atom bomb or save a whale - is completely and totally meaningless. The universe doesn't "care" if you are Hitler or Gandha - there are no values, no purpose, no morals (but of course it's good for us all that we all conspire to pretend otherwise!*)

Other cultures have different attitudes towards death, and therefore suicide. I could go into this, but I won't.

I have had suicidal thoughts since 14. I have never had an attempt becuase I can only, in good conscience, have one.

I'd love to write more on this topic but I won't waste mine or your time.

* Ofcourse, this also means suicide is pointless. "One cannot be a part time nihilist" - suicide is as pointless as life.
"What is an excellent reason for dying, is also an excellent reason for living" - a vice versa.

Interesting post Herman. Yes, I was once studying small-scale societies. I remember one Island (wish I could remember which one it was) because the sustenance level was easily affected and so tightly regulated in order to provide for the whole community, it was not rare for people to commit suicide in order to allow the society to maintain stability.

Fascinating.
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  #11  
Old 1st October 2015, 15:02
ynwa247 ynwa247 is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

Quote:
Originally Posted by firemonkey
I think that comes when you are depressed but still have the drive and motivation to act on your thoughts.
They say that suicides often happen when people's depression has lifted enough to be discharged from hospital but has not gone away. The combination of residual depression and increased drive and motivation can be deadly.
I'm sure you are familiar with claims about Anti-Depressants leading to suicide, maybe that's what they mean. Giving you the motivation to do stuff you otherwise wouldn't do, in this case suicide.
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Old 2nd October 2015, 13:26
Carbon(cycle)Fodder Carbon(cycle)Fodder is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

interesting piece on BBC website on getting help and assistance when feeling suicidal
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  #13  
Old 2nd October 2015, 15:03
Ozzy Ozzy is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

Suicide, I don't know what this word means to me any more, I get word's chucked at me all the time do they really mean anything or are they all stemming from one kind of problem. I've had my fair share of tries over my life time, since the age of 16 I have been taking over doses regularly I am now 29 and must be well over 14 tries of various way's. I am not proud of it. I never will be.

Does it ever go from my mind? That's the question I ask myself a lot, I am not so sure now. I have got so used to hearing it, now it's part of me naturally but in an unnatural self taught way. I always think things will be better off without me, because I have taught myself this over the year's I have made myself believe that. Maybe it's because I try to make it easier on myself that if I did do it my last moments would be thinking about how everyone is better off. ("Everyone is better off without me, everyone is happier with me not here.") I would like to live normally without the constant threats I put towards people, about how I am going to do this and that.

But am I really going to do it? Another question I ask myself, Sometimes I use it as a way to tell people how bad I feel because I don't know any other way I can tell people, I am trying to fight the threats and the urges to fight against not saying it, deep down I just want to feel better and sometimes I see no option to say something like that just to get it out there that if I did do something then I have told people and it wasn't a you never told me thing. I am never trying to make another person feel bad I would never want another person to feel bad because of me saying it, but I can understand why people would get upset and find it triggering.

"Will this time be the time?" Everytime I start drinking heavily inside my own head.. Am I thinking that because I want to do it, or am I thinking I just want help and this is the only way I can seem to get help sometimes because the mental health services are that crap around here that this can be the only way it can be done.

In my head I don't know how to live with the "Normal" day to day thought's thinking that way makes me feel anxious and scared, but being suicidal also has me feeling that way, but, it also gives me a plan to get out of it if I wanted to. Thing's seem painful, I can't cope a lot of the time but I am still here and that must mean something.. I think.

I don't know the word suicidal anymore because it's just a part of my life, when I wish it wasn't.
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  #14  
Old 2nd October 2015, 16:19
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kyle*
second that.

I hope you can find peace of mind during those times of going through a troubled mind Z. I always liked the saying that "Through every dark night, comes a bright day after that". To anyone with suicidal feelings/thoughts - There are better days. Life is moody. Life, and sometimes people will drive you to insanity/despair/turmoil/upset or in this case suicide - but if we can try, we should get out the car and not let anyone or thing drive us there. Lets take it in stride and walk, and preferably get onto a different path with a more deserving destination. Don't give up fighting for what you deserve.
Thanks Kyle. I think attempting to understand that things can get better is important, although it isn't necessarily easy to do that, especially during severe depressive episodes, where one is under the impression that it will never get better. I think clinging onto hope, no matter how unlikely it may seem, can offer some relief, and can drive people to not give up.
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  #15  
Old 2nd October 2015, 16:22
Z. Z. is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

Quote:
Originally Posted by Auld Misery Guts
interesting piece on BBC website on getting help and assistance when feeling suicidal
Interesting piece. Thanks for sharing. I think it relates back to the previous response I quoted, on hope. If other people share their story of recovery and improvement, it can provide people with a sense of hope, and hopefully that will prevent them from acting on their impulses.
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  #16  
Old 2nd October 2015, 16:25
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

Quote:
Originally Posted by either/or
Thoughts of suicide are never far from my mind. They've become almost a comfort to me when I'm very low, an option that I know is always there if I need it. I tried to kill myself when I was 17 and had come to the conclusion that I was never going to be normal or happy and my life was pointless.

Writing this stuff is triggering so I might add to it later.
I'm the same. I've often found that knowing that I can commit suicide is reassuring and actually gives me some kind of drive to keep going. It's that idea of knowing that, no matter how bad things can get, I can just opt out at any moment. That's kind of liberating.

Quote:
Originally Posted by girlinterrupted
Interesting idea for a thread,hopefully it can help (if it helps even one person then it`s a roaring success).

I haven`t much to add except a (probably stupid) suggestion- would it be an idea to link the stickied thread entitled `Feeling Suicidal? read this first` in this one,maybe in the first post? I know it`s stickied at the top of the forum already but some people may miss it,especially if they view by the New Posts button,and it could be a helpful resource for anyone feeling that way when they search out this thread.

Just a thought
Thanks for the suggestion. I added it to the original post after reading your post a couple of days ago.
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  #17  
Old 2nd October 2015, 16:30
Z. Z. is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

Quote:
Originally Posted by firemonkey
My first suicide attempt at 18 was the worst. Between 1975-84 I had several other attempts. Whether I wanted to die or they were extreme cries for help is debatable.
I know I often wonder whether life is worth living but the fear of death and what may be beyond life holds me back.
I also do not have the drive and motivation to commit suicide.
Ironically I do not think that when you are most depressed is the most likely time you'll attempt/commit suicide.
I think that comes when you are depressed but still have the drive and motivation to act on your thoughts.
They say that suicides often happen when people's depression has lifted enough to be discharged from hospital but has not gone away. The combination of residual depression and increased drive and motivation can be deadly.
I think the same thing too. I am not a danger to myself when I have no motivation, but am when I do. That's why the "mixed states" in bipolar are considered the worst states, at which time the sufferer is most likely to commit suicide, because they have the energy to act on their thoughts.

Regarding your other point. I don't fear death, because I don't think there is anything beyond life. It's the fear of what I will leave behind which mainly prevents me from acting on my thoughts.
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Old 2nd October 2015, 16:32
Z. Z. is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

Quote:
Originally Posted by PanMaster
Suicide isn't easy.

You could end up being in a vegetative state or dying horribly.
The worst case is being "locked in", being 100% paralyzed and living 30 years of hell.

Life has to seriously suck to begin to consider risking the above like being stuck on Mars alone or similar.
I think that's why people often resort to more violent and severe forms of suicide, rather than ones that have a strong chance of resulting in the things you described. However, I think people who are actively suicidal don't really take things like that into consideration. I know I didn't anyway.
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Old 2nd October 2015, 16:35
girlinterrupted girlinterrupted is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

Quote:
Originally Posted by SuBo
My apologies.

I plan on replying to all the posts in this thread today, so it shall come back on topic.
No problem,I wasn`t meaning to come off as the fun police and in fact I think lightening the mood can be cathartic and necessary,I just worried it would go OT completely and people may feel uncomfortable `breaking the mood` or `interrupting` to share something so serious. Also I don`t want to see the thread pulled as I think having a place for discussion of this topic is so important

I`m glad I made a helpful suggestion for once re: the sticky link,this is a noteworthy occasion indeed!
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Old 2nd October 2015, 17:01
girlinterrupted girlinterrupted is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

Quote:
Originally Posted by Johnny88
Would you like me to delete the posts ?
I think seeing as the thread is more back OT anyway,and if the posts are ok with the mods/people currently more affected by the subject than myself then I would have no problem with them staying,not that it`s up to me anyway!

Was kind of you to ask though,ty
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Old 2nd October 2015, 17:07
Johnny88 Johnny88 is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

Quote:
Originally Posted by girlinterrupted
I think seeing as the thread is more back OT anyway,and if the posts are ok with the mods/people currently more affected by the subject than myself then I would have no problem with them staying,not that it`s up to me anyway!

Was kind of you to ask though,ty
No worries
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  #22  
Old 2nd October 2015, 17:16
LonelyBoy LonelyBoy is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

I also apologise.
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  #23  
Old 4th October 2015, 12:06
oliverw oliverw is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

I do have these feelings, but I don't think they are that strong. Well they pass with time. But other people cannot deal with my moods and you do lose friends when you are so down. On Friday, my chat room friend (ex-friend probably) got angry with me and she had been wonderful to me previously. So later in the evening I was sitting down watching television and I had this most awfully numb feeling. I did not know what was happening. I thought I might be having some kinds of breakdown.

I feel ill and down at the moment, but better than on Friday evening. Hopefully that was my lowest point. Well unless I take up limbo dancing!

Sorry for going on about myself, but it is the only topic that I am an expert in.
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Old 4th October 2015, 12:32
LonelyBoy LonelyBoy is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

Quote:
Originally Posted by oliverw
I do have these feelings, but I don't think they are that strong. Well they pass with time. But other people cannot deal with my moods and you do lose friends when you are so down. On Friday, my chat room friend (ex-friend probably) got angry with me and she had been wonderful to me previously. So later in the evening I was sitting down watching television and I had this most awfully numb feeling. I did not know what was happening. I thought I might be having some kinds of breakdown.

I feel ill and down at the moment, but better than on Friday evening. Hopefully that was my lowest point. Well unless I take up limbo dancing!

Sorry for going on about myself, but it is the only topic that I am an expert in.
I always avoid Saturday night television. It has the same effect on me. Merlin and Dr Who were the worst. I never knew what was happening. And Friday.
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Old 5th October 2015, 17:01
silent_inspiration silent_inspiration is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

I haven't attempted suicide yet but I know there is a high chance of that happening sooner or later. When you live in isolation and lose touch with any sense of hope for the future things can become very hard. I understand that as time goes on I will only get worse. tbh I am not too sure why I am writing this, but I feel like this a path I have to walk alone. I know what I have to do but I feel like I am biding my time waiting for a miracle The pain and fear is so overwhelming now but I am used to it now. sorry but super scared but also tired and frustrated. my options are running thin and my suicidal thoughts are becoming stronger and stronger. But at least even i had somewhere to vent.

I urge all those contemplating suicide to get the help you deserve. The best advice I can offer is if you feel even in the slightest way suicidal you need to address it when it starts. And if you have gotten to a stage where you are making a plan to commit scuicide that you seek help immediately

Gd luck and hope all those who suffer from mental health issues can find the solutions and be as happy and fulfilled as you can be.
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Old 5th October 2015, 19:42
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

^ Thanks for the post silent. I hope you get the help you need and I'm sorry to hear you're experiencing this too.

On another note to all here: in your experience, has someone ever said something to you which actually made you feel better?

I've often found that the things people say to me in order to make me feel better, either make me feel worse, or just the same.

I think mostly it's because I feel more alienated when people try and be nice, because often it demonstrates that they don't understand what it's like to be depressed in the first place.
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Old 18th October 2015, 23:01
ynwa247 ynwa247 is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

I think my motivation is too low for suicide, I phoned samaritans last week and hung up the phone since I had no clue what to say. I was out getting food and I felt like doing it, I'm not exactly the type to talk to random people about my issues over the phone.
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  #28  
Old 18th October 2015, 23:07
Z. Z. is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jjoe
I think my motivation is too low for suicide, I phoned samaritans last week and hung up the phone since I had no clue what to say. I was out getting food and I felt like doing it, I'm not exactly the type to talk to random people about my issues over the phone.
I've never phoned them. I wouldn't see the point for me personally. I wouldn't really know what to say and I don't see how they could possibly help me.
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Old 19th October 2015, 17:57
boofle boofle is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

.
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  #30  
Old 19th October 2015, 18:52
boofle boofle is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

Thank you craig, that's kind of you Hope you OK?
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