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  #421  
Old 12th November 2017, 21:17
Utopia Utopia is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

^ That sounds terrible, I remember feeling like that. I had to add another antidepressant (Mirtzepine) and that stopped me getting quite that low so often. My life is really shit for my own awkward reasons, so it's hard to feel great, but I basically don't think I should give up. There was a time when I thought that however so you need to realise that sometimes this changes with mood.
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  #422  
Old 12th November 2017, 21:39
Muggins Muggins is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

Quote:
Originally Posted by Skitz
Tired. Tried to commit Suicide on Thursday. Didnít work, still here... now being checked on by crisis team, i hate having strangers in my house... canít cope .. want to run away from all of it
Oh Skitz, Iím so very sorry that you felt that the only escape from your feelings was to resort to suicide
Iím truly glad that you are still here

Iíve been in a similar situation in the distant past where I could see only hopelessness ahead and felt like I couldnít tolerate yet another day of misery, but Iím so glad that I lived fo tell the tale as things did eventually improve for me hugely and I experienced many moments of happiness again. And you will too Skitz

I can understand how hard it must be for you talking to the Crisis Team about such personal issues, but they are there to support you during this difficult time. Please let them help you and reach out to others for support too because you are definitely worth it even though you may not believe this at the moment.

Thereís always folk here who will be able to relate and who you are welcome to PM, myself included x

Take good care of yourself Skitz, you are worth it!
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  #423  
Old 12th November 2017, 22:13
jinny jinny is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

Quote:
Originally Posted by Skitz
Itís just the constant anxiety, fear, depression, suicidal thoughts, paranoid , panic attacks, self destruction, I never have a good day. Itís exhausting. Iím a failure and a bad person. Iín Scared about facing tomorrow, as I am seeing my care co ordinator, support worker plus 2 people from crisis team. I canít cope with all the questions , why are you doing this etc is is. Cry for help , no I just want it to end.
what ever has happened to you to make you feel this way, it is not your fault you are not a failure or a bad person, but I'll bet you've been let down by people who should have made you feel loved, secure and safe.

I really hope tomorrow is a little bit more bearable for you
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  #424  
Old 14th November 2017, 10:03
Skitz Skitz is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

Thanks for all your comments, nice to know there are people here that care even though you don’t know me ! Still feeling same , saw crisis team yesterday weren’t much help just make me take my medication and eat. Saw my support worker and psychiatrist nurse and they just stared at me for a long time waiting for me to talk . They eventually asked me what’s on my mind , just said I want it to end. Then they asked how they can help. I said I don’t know. What’s the point in seeing professionals...
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  #425  
Old 14th November 2017, 12:05
OnlyLivinBoy OnlyLivinBoy is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

Hi Skittles, Hope you are feeling better and get some mental energy thinking of you ashleyxxx
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  #426  
Old 14th November 2017, 12:06
Skitz Skitz is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

Quote:
Originally Posted by OnlyLivinBoy
Hi Skittles, Hope you are feeling better and get some mental energy thinking of you ashleyxxx
Thanks onlylivingboy
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  #427  
Old 14th November 2017, 18:33
Blackflies Blackflies is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

Lately I wake up feeling consumed by an internal sickness beckoning me to stay in bed. I feel worried even when there isn't anything to be worried about. I am a burden. I am a burden on society, on my parents, on any partner that chooses me and on anyone that tries in vein to get me to attach to them. I'm sick of getting "how are you" texts and having to lie through my teeth to fake any sense of normality when I am as ****ed up as always. I'm exhausted of silently wanting to die. I'm tired of feeling so alone in this world but every time I try to make friends, I can't cope with their need to like me as if I am likeable, even ****ing lovable. I fell in love and within months, I was plotting ways to coach him into killing me. This is me. The coward who wants closure but can't grant it to herself. I can never allow myself to be too happy. I can never allow myself to actually believe someone can love me, can want me, can need me and that it's okay to need them back. It has to be some kind of exploitation plot. It has to be some trickery to allow me to get happy only to pull the rug from underneath me. I am angry. I'm angry that I'm writing this. That I'm an ungrateful, spoilt ,little brat that thinks the world owes her happiness when she is blessed to have everything she physically needs. I'm angry at myself for hurting people- over and over- as if I can change- when the only thing I need to change is to grow some balls and pull the plug myself. And most of all I am angry for questioning my faith in God. For questioning his purpose. For questioning if he actually wants me to kill myself too- if in fact that's the big test- that actually he doesn't want me to find the courage to be brave but that he wants me to find the path to my end- that he wants me to swallow my tears and realise that is my truth, not the tiny flame of hope that occasionally re-ignites itself as if to only prolong the inevitable. I want to ask for help but I'm sick of being the little girl that cries wolf when she needs someone to hold her up while the real world- people with real problems- fall down beside her because no one gives them a hand. And here's me the one who least deserves it, receiving "how are you texts".
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  #428  
Old 14th November 2017, 21:08
Danica Danica is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

^
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  #429  
Old 16th November 2017, 16:12
Blackflies Blackflies is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

Quote:
Originally Posted by Danica
^
Thankyou for taking the time out to send me a hug Danica. You are a kind soul.
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  #430  
Old 18th November 2017, 09:45
Skitz Skitz is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

It’s exhausting being in mental hospital, trapped, no way to get out on a section 2. No one here understands , just look at me asking how they can help. I asked my consultant to go home, no you seem very low need to be here a bit longer. It’s just making me worse talking to people , I feel stupid cos i can hardly speak properly and no one can hear me and I’m a anxious mess. I wish I wasn’t stopped when I tried to jump off the bridge. I can hear people talking and people laughing it’s constantly noisy, 2 stafff members outside my room as they are on Suicide watch for the person next to me. So many staff standing everywher and cameras watching your every move
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  #431  
Old 18th November 2017, 09:46
newbs16 newbs16 is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

^ I'm sorry to hear this, how come you've been admitted?
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  #432  
Old 18th November 2017, 11:13
Muggins Muggins is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

^^ Iím so sorry to hear that youíve been admitted to a psychiatric hospital Skitz, I know from experience that they aren't particularly nice places to be stuck in
However, it sounds like your Consultant really has got your best interests at heart. If you are still feeling that suicide is the only option then itís definitely safer for you to be where you are until you receive the treatment that you need. Iím sure that you have family and friends who love you very much and while you may currently feel that your life doesnít have much worth your loved ones certainly wonít agree with you and will want you to be kept safe.

Hang on in there Skitz, you will get through this very difficult time in your life and feel better again

Look after yourself
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  #433  
Old 18th November 2017, 12:52
Skitz Skitz is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

Thanks mugging, newbs cos I tried to jump off bridge but someone stopped me
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  #434  
Old 18th November 2017, 13:08
Rianne Rianne is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

^ Its my hope that in time you will be very thankful that they did stop you. I have no idea of what to say to you but there are loads of us who, despite not knowing you, are saddened that you felt that low and if there was any way that any one of us could make those feelings go away we would. Some of us know how bad you feel and some of us can only imagine. But every one of us cares, and sincerely hopes that you can find the inner strength that you need to get through this.
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  #435  
Old 18th November 2017, 23:16
Damian Damian is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

hi skitz will pm you.
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  #436  
Old 23rd November 2017, 18:13
Womble Womble is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

I'm so indescribably tired of living. I get back from college and every night without fail, I feel this terrible sinking feeling. This unfathomable loneliness. I have friends. Good friends infact and I excel at everything I put my mind to, but it makes no difference. Friends, work, projects...It's all just a distraction from this profound sense of emptiness I've always felt and likely will continue to feel. I'm so tired of it all.
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  #437  
Old 23rd November 2017, 23:19
Clementine Clementine is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

^ I know what you mean I’m sorry you’re feeling that way. Are you getting any professional help?
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  #438  
Old 23rd November 2017, 23:21
Clementine Clementine is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

@Blackflies and Skitz Really hope you guys are doing okay
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  #439  
Old 23rd November 2017, 23:54
Womble Womble is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

Quote:
Originally Posted by Clementine
^ I know what you mean Iím sorry youíre feeling that way. Are you getting any professional help?
Not as of yet, I've been on anti-depressants for some time, but it doesn't really address the problem. I'll goto the GPs for my families sake, but I know they'll either try and up my dose or refer me to some idiotic councilors. Either way, I'm not interested, I know what the problem is and drugs or well meaning idiots won't help me. Sorry to sound so callous, but I'm so ****ing done with all the bollocks.
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  #440  
Old 24th November 2017, 00:44
Womble Womble is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

Quote:
Originally Posted by john smith
What do you think the problem is that you feel lonely despite having friends?
Just being alone for so long honestly. I'm not an idiot I know it'd never solve my problems and I wouldn't expect it to, but at the same time 14 years alone is tough for anyone to cope with and it's literally only work, gigs, session projects and musical aspirations that keep me going. I keep myself busy to avoid having to face the reality that essentially I'm valued for the skills I possess and nothing more.

I'll probably realize what I've posted in the morning and feel even worse honestly, but I just feel so utterly worthless at the moment. I don't know how long I can keep on finding reasons to exist.
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  #441  
Old 24th November 2017, 03:19
Muggins Muggins is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

^ Iím sorry you are feeling so lonely and hopeless womble

You mentioned that you have good friends. Are you able to tell your friends about how you are really feeling? I know friends aren't the same as having a special someone to return home to, but Iím hoping that they would want to offer you some comfort and support while you are feeling so hopeless

If itís the overwhelming sense of loneliness that is bringing you down and you donít feel that a change of medication or seeing a counsellor would help would you consider going along to one of the meet up groups? This would give you the opportunity to connect with other lonely single people who may be feeling very similar to you.

Iím sorry I donít have anything helpful to say - I just wanted to respond with something. Keep posting Womble
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  #442  
Old 24th November 2017, 03:36
Muggins Muggins is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

@ Blackflies - I have no helpful words to say, but just wanted to say that I found your honest and heartfelt post very moving and wanted to ask after you, particularly as you very kindly offered me some words of support recently
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  #443  
Old 25th November 2017, 11:34
Womble Womble is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

@Muggins Thanks, I'll consider it. Doubt I'd be much fun at the moment though honestly.

@john smith I met them on the course I'm studying. We're in a band aswell so we see each other all the time. They're all about half my age, but they're like family to me.
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  #444  
Old 10th December 2017, 21:49
Pink*Lady Pink*Lady is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

Things are too much at the moment. I'm sorry.
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  #445  
Old 10th December 2017, 21:59
biscuits biscuits is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

big hugs for you, pink lady. I hope those feelings pass.
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  #446  
Old 10th December 2017, 22:19
Clementine Clementine is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

Stay strong, Pink Lady. You can get through this
Weíre all here for you if you need to talk about it, you donít have to deal with those feelings alone xxx
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  #447  
Old 10th December 2017, 22:38
Purplesnarf Purplesnarf is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning


Pink Lady I second what biscuits and Clem have said xxx
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  #448  
Old 11th December 2017, 01:49
Muggins Muggins is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pink*Lady
Things are too much at the moment. I'm sorry.

Please stay strong Pink*Lady, we are all here for you! x

I think this time of year sucks big time, but it will pass!
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  #449  
Old 5th January 2018, 17:59
Pink*Lady Pink*Lady is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

A belated thank you to you all for the support before Christmas.

Feeling very down this week with some dark thoughts running through my head. The smallest thing brings me to tears and I feel helpless and have no energy. When I wake up in the morning to go to work I feel drained. My left ear has been blocked since Christmas eve and I saw the nurse last Friday who gave me prescription for eye drops and water pump (they don't clean ears out at gp any more). Still blocked so went back today and she will have to refer me and that she can't clean them out today because she hasn't got time.

I'm finding it difficult to talk to people in work and although they're all nice my attempts are futile and pathetic. I'm on the outside looking in.

I crave a cuddle and a shoulder to cry on.

Quote:
Originally Posted by biscuits
big hugs for you, pink lady. I hope those feelings pass.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Clementine
Stay strong, Pink Lady. You can get through this
Weíre all here for you if you need to talk about it, you donít have to deal with those feelings alone xxx
Quote:
Originally Posted by Purplesnarf

Pink Lady I second what biscuits and Clem have said xxx
Quote:
Originally Posted by Muggins
Please stay strong Pink*Lady, we are all here for you! x

I think this time of year sucks big time, but it will pass!
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  #450  
Old 5th January 2018, 19:02
Rianne Rianne is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

^ hoping things improve for you soon. As Clementine has already said, there’s plenty of us here who are willing to listen. Talking is THE most important thing when you feel desperately low. It doesn’t matter that none of us can improve anything for you- what we can all do is listen because that’s what you need. You need to know that whatever you are feeling, there are people who will listen without judgement so that you have a release for all your emotions. When we feel bad, if we think there is nowhere to release those feelings, We end up feeling even worse, so at least you do know that you can come on here at any time and get virtual hugs if there’s no real ones currently on offer!
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