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  #61  
Old 9th December 2016, 13:26
Metal Goat Metal Goat is offline
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Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

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  #62  
Old 16th December 2016, 10:21
Metal Goat Metal Goat is offline
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Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

My head is gonna explode.
BPD sucks. I mean, obviously it sucks. But it REALLY sucks.
How are you possibly supposed to know your true feelings when they change so often? How can you know which is the "right" one? How do you know what you actually feel and what is the stupid BPD black/white thinking or splitting or whatever. Is there even such a thing as true feelings when you're like us?
How can I ever be happy if the way I feel about everything changes daily?
How are you ever supposed to make life decisions? Wait for a set amount of time and see which feeling you've felt most often? I'd lose track in a day. Am I supposed to get a diary that says "felt that I wanted X for 37 minutes. Changed mind and felt that I should go for Y for 43 minutes" Because "most often" often doesn't even necessarily mean "right" either.
How do you stop doing stupid things when all the things that give you the euphoric high are things you are not supposed to be doing? Even if you did all those things, that give you the high, whenever you wanted to, you still wouldn't really be happy.
I'm never content and happy with anything. I feel empty all the time. Even when I'm happy, I'm not happy.
I know this doesn't make any sense. I'm angry and sad. None of it seems fair. I'm going to ruin everything.
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  #63  
Old 9th February 2017, 16:50
Azalea Azalea is offline
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Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

Thanks Clementine
A lot of good points in that.
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  #64  
Old 11th February 2017, 12:50
Merritt Merritt is offline
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Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

That's an interesting article, Muggins I've always struggled with the idea of having BPD because I thought it was something that only manifested outwardly, and I'm not an aggressive person and wouldn't dream of even raising my voice to someone. Despite this, I still feel like I'm somehow a harmful person, that I'm 'bad' in some way, and it's for the best if I keep everyone at a distance. It's like I expect there to be some evil in me that would come out if I gave it a chance, because why else do I constantly feel guilty?

Something I've wanted to post about, and I don't know if it ties in with this at all, is the feeling of being 'dirty'. Not necessarily in a hygienic sense, but feeling as if I'd taint someone if they got too close to me. Like my thought patterns would infect them somehow, or if someone touched me I'd leave some kind of mental residue on them.
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  #65  
Old 12th February 2017, 22:03
affluenza affluenza is offline
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Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

A piece just on Amy Winehouse just now analysing her death. And it was found a year before she died she was diagnosed with BPD, which of course wasn't the reason she died. But apparently as she'd abstained for alcohol for a long time then went on a 48 hour binge session that was the principle cause. They were trying to explain why she relapsed -and pointed out her BPD which was she was prescribed dialetical treatment. She basically refused the treatment. Another thing behind her death was her position, had she been in any other position- she may well have survived..
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  #66  
Old 17th February 2017, 16:37
Mu. Mu. is offline
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Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

Quote:
Originally Posted by essay
The “quiet” borderline. It’s not something most people are familiar with, the perception of borderline personality disorder (BPD) is one who acts out.
I think I've posted about diagnosis being rubbish before, but why not do it again.

There is no prototypical presentation for borderline personality disorder. A diagnosis made according to the DSM guidelines, employing the standard interview, only requires "at least five" features to be present from a list of nine. That gives you a total of 256 different possible combinations, as a starting point. Then there is the fact that the diagnostic categories themselves are, well, crap (and enormously contested), and that comorbidity is the norm both between the personality disorder categories (if you meet the diagnostic criteria for one personality disorder, you are likely to meet the criteria for 2.7 personality disorders on average), and with other forms of mental illness. To suggest that there is a typical presentation for BPD, or any other personality disorder, is ludicrous. It's also extremely prejudicial to then go on and claim that we need to invent a new, separate category of "quiet" versions of this diagnosis to describe people who aren't, what, outwardly violent? I'm not even clear what is supposed to be captured by a "quiet borderline" diagnosis, given that nothing in this essay would be out of place for any person with a borderline diagnosis. Self-harm and self-isolation are absolutely examples of acting out. I'm so confused.

But I think what annoys me more than anything else in this essay is this stuff,

Quote:
If you are a quiet borderline, you aren’t alone
If somebody tried to refer to me as a ****ing diagnostic label I'd be furious. Nobody is "a borderline," that's an awful thing to say. You're making a diagnostic label someone's personal identity. Good grief.

I don't want to detract from something that others found comfort in reading, but, uh, well. Actually I'm not sure how to finish this sentence.
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  #67  
Old 17th February 2017, 16:48
Childish Jambino Childish Jambino is offline
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Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

Quote:
Originally Posted by Clementine
This is an amazing link, glad I came across it. I showed my gf this to give her a better understanding. Her reaction, "I already know all this".
B*tch knows.
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  #68  
Old 23rd February 2017, 13:59
Purplesnarf Purplesnarf is offline
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Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

Sometimes I totally hate it and other times I think its part of what make me myself.
I'm in a latter kind of mood today.
We're only human also so why should we feel bad for who we are, we probably hurt ourselves more than anyone else.
I must be in a ranty mood today flip sake.
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  #69  
Old 25th February 2017, 13:27
Merritt Merritt is offline
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Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

There's been a big shift in my therapy group, more than half of it have finished their 6 months the last couple of weeks, and new people are filtering in. I'm not sure why, but since Thursday's session I've been feeling toxic. It was probably meeting new people. I feel like I haven't taken a bath in a year, only mentally... if that makes any sense.
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  #70  
Old 25th February 2017, 13:59
Merritt Merritt is offline
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Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

I'm sorry you've been struggling so much No one's going to judge you for posting about how you feel here.

I've started doing it too for the first time in months. I don't think I'm suicidal right now, it just feels like the only thing to make me feel any peace with myself. I hope you're at least staying safe, Clementine.
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  #71  
Old 25th February 2017, 14:06
biscuits biscuits is offline
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Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

Oh Clementine. No one thinks that about you. You're really lovely and supportive and deserve the same level of kindest and support that you put into this place. I promise no one would be rolling their eyes at you.
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  #72  
Old 25th February 2017, 14:23
affluenza affluenza is offline
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Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

if someone posts in the suicide thread- they're in a bad place. I always like the metaphor of a phoenix. You have a low, then you resurge like a phoenix. It's kind of holding on through a big storm.
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  #73  
Old 25th February 2017, 15:18
newbs16 newbs16 is offline
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Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

^ I agree, you're lovely. I hope you're okay xx
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  #74  
Old 25th February 2017, 18:59
newbs16 newbs16 is offline
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Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

I hope @ Clementine is ok x
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  #75  
Old 27th February 2017, 12:57
Merritt Merritt is offline
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Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

Please don't be afraid to post about what you're feeling, Clementine. I'm not 100% on the site's rules, but if you're in a crisis and you're reaching out for help, then I'm sure no one will hold it against you, regardless of what it is you're thinking about doing. We all care and want the best for you.

I'll leave the advice for those who know what they're talking about, but is there anyone you can contact to tell what's going on, a support worker, crisis number you've been given, anything? I was in a similar place a few months ago, I genuinely felt like I was at the end of my tether and losing my mind, and calling local places I'd been given the number for by my GP helped relieve some of the pressure, even if only for a while.

You're important and what you're going through is important. Any way you choose to reach out for help is reasonable and no one will criticise you for it. Feel free to PM me, or anyone else here you feel comfortable with, if it'll help, even if only a little.
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  #76  
Old 27th February 2017, 15:59
Merritt Merritt is offline
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Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

You certainly deserve professional help, if it's something you could accept receiving. Do you take any medication? Sorry if that's nosy

I know what you mean, I expect people to think the worst of me any time I post in a way that isn't jokey or lighthearted. Even if I get reassurance and nobody says anything unkind, my mind fills in all the blanks anyway, and it feels just as real all the same.

I think your own need to express yourself and be supported supersedes the risk of triggering someone. I'm more easily triggered than I like to admit, but I'd never want anyone to suffer in silence just to protect my sensitivities.
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  #77  
Old 27th February 2017, 22:06
Merritt Merritt is offline
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Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

That sounds exactly the same as my experience. Been on antidepressants pretty much my entire adult life, still felt stuck in a rut, so I was weaned off them. The first few months felt amazing, like I was finally myself again, like I'd freed up all this potential for my life. Then the low periods would come, but it was OK because I could weather them out, and it made me feel strong. But eventually I got to the point where I was feeling so depressed, and so OCD I could barely stand to wear any of my clothes or glasses, having daily panic attacks that would go on for hours, and had to throw away anything sharp because I felt like I was trapped alone with someone who was trying to kill me.

It made me rethink what it was like to be on medication. I think I'd completely lost sight of how it was helping me, the things it was keeping at bay, and just because it didn't turn my life into something good I assumed it was only holding me back, when really it was the only thing keeping me half-way sane. I really don't like having to take them again, but I have to remind myself it's better than risking ever feeling that unstable again.
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  #78  
Old 28th February 2017, 11:00
Merritt Merritt is offline
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Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

It's funny (well, not funny), I had a similar thing about having a bath at the time. I was obsessed with the idea of passing out in there and drowning, like my brain could choose to make that happen at any moment. Made me feel raw and vulnerable, and my arms and legs are pretty much a trigger I carry around with me, so I couldn't avoid that.

That isn't dumb, I felt the same. I honestly felt like it was the start of a new life, and while the high was there the idea of ever going back on them felt unthinkable. I try not to think of it as a defeat now, more that I just gained a broader perspective on things, which taught me that life's really, really shitty without something in my system propping me up.
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  #79  
Old 1st March 2017, 00:17
Merritt Merritt is offline
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Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

Post as much as you want, or need, to This place can be quiet enough without people holding back.
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  #80  
Old 13th March 2017, 10:38
Purplesnarf Purplesnarf is offline
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Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

Was struggling a bit yesterday feeling sorry for myself.
Suns out now and my head feels clearer.
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  #81  
Old 14th March 2017, 00:31
affluenza affluenza is offline
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Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

That's good purplesnarf.
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  #82  
Old 17th March 2017, 13:48
Purplesnarf Purplesnarf is offline
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Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

^ Thanks Ramon
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  #83  
Old 28th March 2017, 00:40
Dimplesxo Dimplesxo is offline
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Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

Could anyone suffering with BPD PM me? I'd like some advice.
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  #84  
Old 28th March 2017, 12:03
Metal Goat Metal Goat is offline
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Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

Jesus, it's painful. I feel abandoned and betrayed over the most ridiculous thing ever.

I'm scared that one day the part of my brain that knows how crazy I am and so hides my craziness may cease to work and I will actually openly show this side of me to everyone.
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  #85  
Old 14th May 2017, 13:46
Childish Jambino Childish Jambino is offline
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Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

Was doing ok in the last two weeks, but yesterday my mood/emotions changed, and now, just like that, I'm feeling unstabled and ****ed up.
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  #86  
Old 14th May 2017, 15:35
hellotiger hellotiger is offline
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Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

My moods are level at the moment. I feel more like myself, whatever that is. When I think about my erratic moods it doesn't feel like me, it feels like my evil twin. I can't rationalise with that irrational side of myself, I don't understand why she feels like someone has so completely let her down because she didn't like the way they said hello. Wtf is that?
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  #87  
Old 20th May 2017, 18:59
Purplesnarf Purplesnarf is offline
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I was on a downer for a couple of days, I think I'm going into one of them anxious high type moods today.
I just want to try and stay more level and stick to healthier eating and losing some weight and not be a douche bag so much.
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  #88  
Old 8th June 2017, 11:09
Metal Goat Metal Goat is offline
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Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

I have a nice little set up at the moment. Things are quite good. All of my current issues are borderliney ones (inappropriate attachment, fear of abandonment etc)

I really like the people in my life at the moment. It's the second time ever in my life I've felt like I've had a proper group of friends where I'm valued and they know me well and are there for me and like me. Most of my life, I've felt like the people I hang around with wouldn't care if I was there or not, or have felt a distance from them where I haven't clicked with them. Most of my life I've only felt a deep connection with online friends so when it happens in real life (and with a whole group of people) it's great.

I'm happy with most areas of my life now and that's terrifying. I'm scared about it being taken away from me. I get scared when they talk about settling down and having kids about how everything's going to change. I get scared about the fact that because I live in expat-ville, people come and go all the time, often at very short notice and so they might leave. I get scared when my friend tells me she's only staying for one more year. I wish I could just freeze time at this point and enjoy it for the next 20 years. After that, I'll grow up. Maybe.
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  #89  
Old 12th June 2017, 09:11
Purplesnarf Purplesnarf is offline
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Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

Blame is a problem I constantly battle with.
I have to keep reminding myself what part I have to play in things.
As its too easy to think what others have done to me and I then feel guilty and remember my wrong doings and that brings me down to earth again to remember I'm not a 100% victim who everybody in the world is bad to or something.
Then I slip back to the blaming again, then back to the feeling guilty and so on.
Its a battle with my thoughts.
The best thing I can do is try to think in the middle, not always easy.
But to try and stay happy and not let myself be feeling sorry for myself which I could easily slip into like a comfy pair of slippers.
I'm just ranting my thoughts here
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  #90  
Old 16th June 2017, 08:36
Clementine Clementine is offline
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