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  #151  
Old 2nd October 2017, 23:44
wd40mk17.4 wd40mk17.4 is offline
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Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

All I can say, is that I experience the same. I hope it gets better for you.
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  #152  
Old 4th November 2017, 03:21
Ryjo Ryjo is offline
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Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

I have a working diagnosis of F61X (mixed and other personality disorders), which has been described as dissociative and emotionally unstable (borderline).

1.) How does your BPD affect you?

It could be depression, or it could be the chronic loneliness associated with my social anxiety, but I do feel severely empty and lost a lot of the time, like I don’t know who I am or what I want. Strangely, the closest I’ve ever got to feeling real is when I was drinking all day, every day, sacrificing everything for the sake of booze. Being a pissed-up waste of space felt better than being absolutely nothing. I felt like a confirmed nobody and that made me feel like a somebody and, strangely, I appreciated it. I'm prone to angry outbursts, self-harm, binge drinking, and self-destructive impulsivity in general. A few examples: I took an overdose of co-codamol while arguing with a girlfriend over the phone, I had to be physically disarmed by the police after causing several hundred pounds worth of damage to my uncle's bungalow, and I once handed a shard from a broken mirror to an angry girlfriend and told her to stab me in the throat. It's safe to say that I'm very easily upset by other people, especially when I feel that they've rejected or criticised me. I have an unhealthy habit of thinking in extremes, something which I try to challenge but often to no avail. I'm an escapist, I struggle to maintain healthy relationships, become infatuated quickly, I'm holding grudges that are older than my adult teeth, and I ended the most serious relationship I've ever had because I was scared I was going to be betrayed and hurt.

2.) How was the process of getting diagnosed?

After a bit of counselling, numerous crises and a couple of hospitalisations, it was suggested that I was suffering from a personality disorder. At one point, they considered ASPD, but now they tend to lean toward EUPD (or BPD). In fact, personality disorder was hinted at when I was as young as 15 or 16 - they're just not keen on slapping such a title on someone so young. Now that I'm a bit older and as, evidentially, I don't seem to have grown out of these incredibly dysfunctional thought patterns and behaviours, they seem more certain that I have a PD.

3.) Have you told people IRL about it? How did they react?

To be honest, the only non-professional I've extensively spoken to about it is my mum. I'm not particularly open about my mental health IRL, and even if I was, I don't have many people to talk to about it.

4.) Have you found any useful ways of coping and managing symptoms?

I'm currently receiving DBT, and I've tried a bit of mindfulness. Recently, I feel like I'm coping slightly better. Keyword: slightly
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