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  #331  
Old 18th November 2017, 14:35
Muggins Muggins is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

^^ I agree with Merrit. I have no idea what you look like but I do know that there is no one on this planet that is SO repulsive that they don’t deserve to enjoy the intimacy of another persons touch.

Although you obviously dislike what you see in the mirror, Vaxjo, you can guarantee that most people, if not everyone, will not share your view at all and a percentage will find you attractive. But then, from the little I know, BDD isn’t about what other people see it’s about the distorted image that you have of yourself. And I realise that is something that is hard to change especially if the way you see yourself stems from negative childhood experiences.

I do understand where you are coming from though vaxjo as, although I don’t really like to talk about it, I’ve grappled with very similar feelings since puberty and have always loathed the way I look.

People used to respond by saying ‘you look fine’ like I was just fishing for compliments which I so wasn’t, and really didn’t understand how bad I felt about myself inside and out, so I eventually stopped telling them.
Also, I have never been able to quite relate to BDD sufferers because when I’ve seen their photos in every case they’ve always looked extremely attractive - something which I am most definitely not! Maybe there’s a BDD club I could join for people who really are aesthetically challenged because I certainly don’t fit in the one where the people in reality look great but think that they look loathsome!

However....

In my more rational moments, I do think that if I believe that other unattractive, ugly, disfigured or disformed people are certainly not the whole sum of their physical appearance then that must apply to me too. Whatever any one of us looks like on a superficial level, we all deserve to be loved and respected, and to experience fulfilment and happiness. It’s an over used cliche but it really is what’s inside that counts, and this includes you too vaxjo


This probably offers zero consolation, but I think my hatred of my looks slightly lessened once I turned 40. Maybe once the wrinkles become more deeply etched and bits of the face start drooping I’ve finally accepted that this is it, and being born ugly wasnt such a curse after all because ultimately the face starts to crumble anyway. And if you never had it, there’s nothing much to lose!! Now when I look in the mirror instead of seeing a repulsive sight I see an aging face staring back and become preoccupied with how many years I may or may not have left

Sorry, I don’t think I’ve helped one bit with this post.

Just wanted to add my two pence worth.

Take care, there is help out there
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  #332  
Old 18th November 2017, 17:24
Rianne Rianne is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Muggins speaks a lot of sense.
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  #333  
Old 18th November 2017, 19:54
jinny jinny is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Always
I agree with Muggings too, I absolutely hate the way I look, but eventually we all just look old & it becomes far more important how you feel than how you look, as a lot of the time you feel less than brilliant as you age.
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  #334  
Old 19th November 2017, 00:31
vaxjo vaxjo is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

I agree views change with age. I really have no idea if I’m ugly or not ( although I’m certainly no looker). On the one hand random women in the street comment on how ugly I am but I also get women I barely know comment why havent I got a girlfriend. If I was truely repulsive would they ask this? So confusing.

I guess when you get to my age and the chances of a gf are zero, looks dont really matter anymore

I think talking about bdd issues are hard cause as mentioned it can come across as fishing for compliments especially as most people who complain about their looks tend to be rather good looking.

I never really thought of myself as having Bdd because even if I was offered the chance of plastic surgery I wouldnt take it because I accept this was the way I was made. Yet at the same time there is literally not one person I dont look at and wish I looked like them(no matter how ugly or disfigured).

The more I think about it, the more I realise when I was younger I probably had they big bdd issues. I mean I dont think it normal not to leave the house because you think you look hideous or wanting to carve your skin off cause youre so ugly
At the time I didnt really think of this as strange now I can look back and laugh at myself! I was really odd!
Even to this day literally the only photo I have of myself is the one in my passport and one on my company security badge. At the gym today I caught myself psitioning myself so I couldn't see myself in the mirrors.
God Im in conplete denial about me having bdd.

If I look in the mirror I dont see a monster I just see someone no one could find attractive.

And of course I work in an industry where a lot of people lack basic social skills so when they don’t look at when talking to me , I’m like am I that hideous they cant bear to look at when they talk to me
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  #335  
Old 28th November 2017, 16:36
Merritt Merritt is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

I look like a League of Gentlemen character.
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  #336  
Old 29th November 2017, 17:50
biscuits biscuits is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

I can't actually look at myself at the moment. Every time I catch a glimpse I wish I hadn't looked.
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  #337  
Old 1st December 2017, 23:29
vaxjo vaxjo is offline
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The biggest problem for me is that if I’m with someone I always feel sorry for them that they must be really embarrassed to be seen with me. It really makes it hard to socialise.

I know this is totally irrational, but thats the way I am
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  #338  
Old 6th December 2017, 22:06
biscuits biscuits is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

^ I feel like people wouldn't want to be seen with me because of what other people would think of them e.g. their friends would make fun of them or something. Then they wouldn't want to be near me. I always, always think... how long will it be before they don't want to know me anymore?

My thoughts are always hypothetical silly ones but they always hold me back.

Typing about it always feels ridiculous but it's horrible really, isn't it?! It helps sometimes to get it out because it makes me see how strange it is to think like this and that I probably need a slap.
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  #339  
Old 15th December 2017, 19:54
biscuits biscuits is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

My face-hate is really bad at them moment. Today I was seen by someone and when I got home I looked in the mirror and thought how disgusting I look. Avoidance and blushing are bad for me at the moment too. I'm just shy and don't want people to see me blushing and I'm coming across as a rude, horrible person as a result.

Trying so hard not to cry about this because I feel stupid for crying because of my face.
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  #340  
Old 16th December 2017, 09:16
Muggins Muggins is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

^ It makes me so sad to read that Biscuits as I think you have such a pretty face but it’s not what I think or anyone else thinks that matters it’s how you see yourself isn’t it

I’m sure nobody thinks you’re rude or horrible but if they did it’s because they’re ignorant and don’t know about or understand SA. I know saying this doesn’t help at all, but if I see someone blush it really endears them to me and I don’t think they’re remotely horrible, just a little shy which is a refreshing change to all the cocky over confident folk about
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  #341  
Old 16th December 2017, 09:58
Rianne Rianne is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

^ Exactly. If I see someone blush I warm to them instantly.
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  #342  
Old 16th December 2017, 20:27
biscuits biscuits is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

I literally ran away from someone the other day I'd make such a good ninja. The blushing ninja.

Thanks, Muggins, you're very sweet. I tend to duck out of the way before I blush though. Hopefully people just think that I must need a wee. It does worry me that I come across as snobby or rude.

It's really getting me down at the moment. I suppose I need to find distractions to stop fixating on it.
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  #343  
Old 16th December 2017, 23:39
Miggs The Terrible Miggs The Terrible is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

^ hope you feel better soon biscuit gal. I like a blusher too...why does that sound wrong to me? :0
You have a nice friendly face I seem to remember
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  #344  
Old 17th December 2017, 00:47
Danica Danica is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

There are so many posts on here that I can relate to, so I don't usually comment in this thread because I don't think I have much to add, but does anyone else cover up all of the mirrors in their homes?

Covering mirrors only helps to a certain degree though, and I was in my kitchen a few minutes ago and caught a glimpse of myself on the side of my toaster and wasn't enamoured with my appearance. I know that most people would struggle to look attractive on that kind of surface, but still. It's one of those black "diamond" toasters, and one of the reasons I got it was because you can't see yourself on the front panels - it just has a bit of shiny stainless steel on the sides.

It seems silly talking about this because most people wouldn't give it another thought, but sometimes I've got to look at myself even though I hate what I see.
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  #345  
Old 23rd December 2017, 02:01
vaxjo vaxjo is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

I have done this. Far easier to just not have any in the home.
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  #346  
Old 27th December 2017, 10:08
Clementine Clementine is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

My son was making videos over Christmas and seeing myself on film has really made me feel awful, I looked so revolting. It’s depressing when you actually believe you’re looking relatively okay after making an effort, just to see evidence that you’re a hideous blob.
I’m trying not to dwell on it but it’s difficult.
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  #347  
Old 27th December 2017, 11:11
MLP James MLP James is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

I was recorded in a video a while back, a few months ago, I couldn't bring myself to even look at it. I had to try and pretend it never existed and no-one saw it.
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  #348  
Old 24th January 2018, 04:40
Dimplesxo Dimplesxo is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Does anyone else obsess over taking pictures of themselves? I haven't had someone else take a picture of me for years but when I take them myself I obsess over picking every flaw apart. I literally take them just to bully myself and feel bad/suicidal, it's like a punishment for being so disgusting.
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  #349  
Old 24th January 2018, 14:20
gregarious_introvert gregarious_introvert is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

I don't usually visit this thread because I don't have BDD and I think it's really difficult for someone without it to understand how someone with it feels - there's also a tendency to tell sufferers that they look good, which is (I have learned) never helpful, even though it's usually true. However, even though I don't suffer with BDD, there are posts here which resonate with me: I don't, for instance, have a mirror in my house (I was chatting to someone on meetup recently and discovered that most people use a mirror when cleaning their teeth, which is something I've never even considered - I was told I was "weird", but that's hardly new!) and I won't allow anyone to take my photograph (when I'm visiting a new city and I do the free walking tour, I'm always the one who takes the group photograph at the end, so that the tour guide can be in it but I don't have to be). I've never managed to take a "selfie" (how on earth does anyone do that?) but I did attempt to take one of myself and my ex-fiancťe the day after we got engaged - I looked terrible (not least because I was too busy concentrating on how to take the picture, which made me look depressed); that was the last photograph of me ever taken, some nine-and-a-half months ago.

Although I don't have BDD (unless I'm in denial), I've never been happy with the way I look and I can understand those of you who avoid mirrors and cameras; over the years, I've learned to live with myself because other people don't seem to find me totally repulsive, but I still don't understand how anyone could find me (physically) attractive (obviously, my outstanding personality and extreme modesty compensate for what I lack in looks) but I've learned to accept that a (very small) minority do (or at least did - it doesn't happen at my age any more). When I do see myself, I don't see someone hideous or alien, but I do see someone whom I consider deeply unattractive.

Sorry for intruding, I shall now leave this thread to those who really need it...
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  #350  
Old 24th January 2018, 23:41
Kipper Kipper is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

I can relate to so many of the comments here! MLP James , I know exactly what it feels like to see yourself on a video recording! My eldest nephew got married recently and I had to do a speech at the reception as I was one of his two best men.
Mercifully it appears that my speech wasn't filmed, although some of the others were! My wife and I were at my newly married nephew's recently and I was my usual bag of nerves.My horror increased when he announced that we could see the wedding video. My wife was very keen and I had to pretend to be keen too!
I had to pretend to look at the screen when I came into shot but I was really fixing my attention on the wall.
I sneaked a quick look at one point and almost died of embarrassment. To think that person was me.
It was a blessed relief when it was finally over and when we left the house to return home I was still sweaty and stressed!
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  #351  
Old 13th February 2018, 22:39
biscuits biscuits is offline
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Does anyone also sometimes try to make sure that they aren’t being attractive by not doing conventionally attractive things e.g. not trying to dress too nicely or not wearing too much make up? I can’t really do a good job of explaining it. It’s a bit like not wanting to draw too much attention to myself because I don’t want people to get to know me and then realise that I’m weird and stuff. (Just to add an extra level of crazy to the crazy haha.)

I need to stop doing this to myself. I keep thinking of things that make me weird.
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  #352  
Old 13th February 2018, 23:05
Miggs The Terrible Miggs The Terrible is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

^ think most of us can relate beewiz. I'm sure many Will like your ' weirdness' and those that don't aren't worth worrying about. We can't please the world

Unleash the weirdness gal.
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  #353  
Old 13th February 2018, 23:11
newbs16 newbs16 is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

^^ One day you'll meet someone who loves your weirdness. I think you're lovely and not weird at all.
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  #354  
Old 14th February 2018, 20:06
Jason90 Jason90 is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Biscuits, I agree with Miggs and Claire, your unique and awesome, I don't alway's post but some of your replies have made me laugh a lot and put a smile on my face when I have been feeling crappy, your hilarious and anyone would be lucky to have you.

Said it before and i'll say it again, having seen pics of people on here, there are a lot of attractive people who obviously don't know they are. Obviously that's because bdd literally changes what you see in the mirror and warps reality. Wouldn't say I feel thrilled about being on film and I actually told my dad off for filming me at xmas but I wouldn't say I have bdd, when I was younger I probably did but now I have mostly good days and accept that i'm average looking like the majority of people.
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  #355  
Old 18th February 2018, 21:27
AireleeBray AireleeBray is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

.
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  #356  
Old 23rd February 2018, 01:06
vaxjo vaxjo is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by biscuits
Does anyone also sometimes try to make sure that they arenít being attractive by not doing conventionally attractive things e.g. not trying to dress too nicely or not wearing too much make up? I canít really do a good job of explaining it. Itís a bit like not wanting to draw too much attention to myself because I donít want people to get to know me and then realise that Iím weird and stuff. (Just to add an extra level of crazy to the crazy haha.)

I need to stop doing this to myself. I keep thinking of things that make me weird.
Yes, but I always try not to go the over way and dress too bad in an effort to be edgy.

black small logo hoodie, grey tshirt, jeans and boots is all ever wear. Smart means theyve been ironed/washed. No makeup, no jewelry, no tatoos
I try to be as nondescript as possible.
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  #357  
Old 23rd February 2018, 09:01
limey123 limey123 is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

A hoodie might get you noticed...
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  #358  
Old 24th February 2018, 17:58
vaxjo vaxjo is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by limey123
A hoodie might get you noticed...
i never wear it up, people only notice when the hood is up
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  #359  
Old 15th March 2018, 21:41
Merritt Merritt is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

You know that feeling when you're just about used to how you look in the mirror - you don't like it, but you're used to it - and then you see yourself in a video, and whole new dimensions of hideousness are brought back? The other day my mum showed me a video on her phone of our family a couple of Christmases ago, and, urgh, my face, my body language, my weird inane smile...

It's really difficult to accept that I'm me sometimes.
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  #360  
Old 16th March 2018, 10:41
limey123 limey123 is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Quote:
Originally Posted by Merritt
It's really difficult to accept that I'm me sometimes.
Can relate...
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