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  #31  
Old 18th October 2015, 17:06
Cognitive Cognitive is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

I believe, at least in some cases, there is a biological aspect to this condition akin to OCD. Its an inability to cope with uncertainty. Each look in the mirror may produce a different result, so the sufferer copes by engaging in the ritual of repeated looking in an attempt to reassure themselves. You never really get there and, even if you do, its only ever temporary. In my experience, I firstly accepted the thing(s) I didn't like myself (counter-intuitive) and then began preventing this cycle. It did feel like a weight off my shoulders and giving the mind a bit of space helps it gain perspective.
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  #32  
Old 18th October 2015, 23:57
goku goku is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Quote:
Originally Posted by abc
That sounds more like insecurity than BDD. I can only speak for myself, but there is no uncertainty where I am concerned. I am confident that I look a certain way. I feel that my features look different at times, but they always look distorted.

I'm not sure what I can accept about myself, as my perception is supposedly distorted and I don't know what I really look like. I've already accepted myself as an ugly bastard, but that is supposedly unhealthy.
beauty is in the eye of the beholder mate,
who made the rulebook on what's beautiful/ugly anyway?
women who i find beautiful, most people i know find unattractive and most women they find beautiful, i find unattractive.
probably psychological too.
but i don't think it's unhealthy at all to have accepted your flaws (if they're flaws at all) but even better is to be unrestricted by them and not place emphasis on them or on peoples' meaningless opinions of them.

one thing i've learnt recently (wish i did a lot sooner!) is that peoples' opinions mean absolutely SOD.ALL.
most people are sheep.
this mindset has helped my anxiety quite a bit.
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  #33  
Old 19th October 2015, 00:13
Oddity Oddity is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Quote:
Originally Posted by abc
I don't want to derail the thread too much, but nothing specific, just generally comments about me being ugly/a minger (god I hate that word.) To be fair most of the comments were during my teenage years. I was a figure of ridicule amongst the girls at school. I never really got any grief off lads though.
I had this, and I'm certain it's why I struggle with women, although comments about me were specific to certain facial features. I was bullied by one boy, but that was because I made him look like a bitch in front of his mates.

(I don't think I have BDD, though, just insecurity)
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  #34  
Old 19th October 2015, 11:36
Cognitive Cognitive is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Quote:
Originally Posted by goku
beauty is in the eye of the beholder mate,
who made the rulebook on what's beautiful/ugly anyway?
women who i find beautiful, most people i know find unattractive and most women they find beautiful, i find unattractive.
probably psychological too.
but i don't think it's unhealthy at all to have accepted your flaws (if they're flaws at all) but even better is to be unrestricted by them and not place emphasis on them or on peoples' meaningless opinions of them.

one thing i've learnt recently (wish i did a lot sooner!) is that peoples' opinions mean absolutely SOD.ALL.
most people are sheep.
this mindset has helped my anxiety quite a bit.
Yes, I agree with this. What people say and what is reality are often two different things. Though, of course, if someone slandered my appearance I would feel pretty sad about it.
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  #35  
Old 19th October 2015, 11:38
Cognitive Cognitive is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Quote:
Originally Posted by either/or
I was ridiculed all through school and told almost daily that I was ugly and weird. It can do a massive amount of damage to someone already overly sensitive. Those are the words that are imprinted on my brain to this day. Compliments don't register because I grew up to believe that I'm a freak and a freak is all I can see when I look at myself. I spent years believing that if I could look normal I would be happy and people would like me. No amount of makeup or hair dye made any difference though. Much of my late teens and early twenties was spent crying in front of mirrors. I made a couple of half-arsed suicide attempts because the shame of being me was unbearable.
When I accepted that I couldn't do anything about it I became reclusive instead, so that nobody would have to see me.
I'm real sorry to hear this. You're not alone.
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  #36  
Old 19th October 2015, 17:26
Cairn Cairn is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Quote:
Originally Posted by either/or
I was ridiculed all through school and told almost daily that I was ugly and weird. It can do a massive amount of damage to someone already overly sensitive. Those are the words that are imprinted on my brain to this day. Compliments don't register because I grew up to believe that I'm a freak and a freak is all I can see when I look at myself. I spent years believing that if I could look normal I would be happy and people would like me. No amount of makeup or hair dye made any difference though. Much of my late teens and early twenties was spent crying in front of mirrors. I made a couple of half-arsed suicide attempts because the shame of being me was unbearable.
When I accepted that I couldn't do anything about it I became reclusive instead, so that nobody would have to see me.

The key words in your post are "overly sensitive".

I wonder how many people bullied you?

I guess it was like a handful of jealous girl bullies tops, like a gang, and you focused on there lies when they told you you were ugly.

Maybe they thought you were weird more than ugly because of your natural quietness, but you focused on the ugly word more than the weird word.

You must have had lots of guy's tell you you were good looking at the same time you were being bullied. You did end up having kids as a young woman and have had relationships since, and get told all the time here how good looking you are and how young you look for your age.

I felt the same as you and hid away, feeling like a freak, because people always took the piss out of specific features, which are real, and not in my head.

So I ended up obsessing about these features, and that brings me back to maybe two forms of BDD, where you see a distorted image of yourself, or obsess over features that do stand out, or obsess over features that don't stand out no where near as much as you think.

I just know that if I was better looking I wouldn't be on here now and would have experienced life and love together, instead of bloody hiding away and and being alone for my entire adult life.

It's hard when you come on a site like this, and reach our age (I'm a year younger than you) and you've just had no social life at all really for nearly two decades.

You just feel like you're at the bottom of the barrel amongst your own people and like you've gone ****ing mad.
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  #37  
Old 19th October 2015, 19:18
biscuits biscuits is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

I know you can't see this yourself, either/or, but they must have been really jealous of your beauty. Probably threatened and intimidated by it. You truly are stunning. I know that telling someone with BDD that they are good looking isn't the best thing and I'm sorry if it is unhelpful. I can only think that they must have been very jealous of you.

You're a really kind and thoughtful person, from what I can see of your posts to people on here. Wish I could have been there to scare them off you. Even if you don't see yourself as beautiful, you are a beautiful person (personality) and that comes across clearly.

Sorry if this is creepy. I'm not good at compliments!
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  #38  
Old 19th October 2015, 20:07
Cairn Cairn is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Quote:
Originally Posted by either/or
It was girls and boys. One incident I remember the most painfully involved boys I'd never seen before from another school when I was walking home alone, one shouted "Jesus, you're ugly!" Then they all gathered around me laughing and making horrible comments about how I looked and wouldn't let me pass. I remember getting home and just wishing so hard that I could die.
I know they were just ***** who would've forgotten all about it within a week. I know that plenty of people would've brushed it off. I never could forget those feelings though.
Yeah I've had relationships, my first was mentally very abusive which really didn't help my self esteem. Since then I've been in love with good people who have told me I'm beautiful, it's like it's too late to make a difference though, I don't know how to believe anything good about myself and it's usually my insecurities that destroy things.
I think with you, you really need to do something challenging and character building to make you feel proud of yourself, because I suppose at the end of the day it doesn't mean shit what other people say to you, if you aren't happy with yourself.

I've started going hiking and camping and it's bloody hard work and character building, and you end up interacting with loads of strangers.

I find people coming up to me for general chit chat, advice, and even myself going up to others and asking them things or helping them out, or just being interested and curious in what they've been up

Public transport of all kinds is a breeze to me now, eating out, going into strange pubs at night etc

When your doing hard exercise and freezing your tits off on mountains it sort of makes you stronger and anxiety goes out of the window, and then you feel relaxed when you get back to civilization and have to do all the modern world stuff again. In fact it's nice to go around the city and indulge in modern comforts without being paranoid and nervous.

So that's what's helping me now, and i'm a world away from the person who spent years hiding away, afraid of the window cleaner etc seeing me. lol

Still got a huge fear of trying to actually really get to know someone in person though, and trying to maintain it.
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  #39  
Old 19th October 2015, 23:30
newbs16 newbs16 is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

^ I agree with everything biscuits has said xx
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  #40  
Old 20th October 2015, 12:07
Cognitive Cognitive is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Quote:
Originally Posted by abc
I genuinely think if I was better looking I wouldn't have any social problems. I wouldn't have been bullied due to the way I look, which meant I would never have developed an irrational fear of women that lasted till my mid-20s, and I would have been able to have had healthy friendships and relationships.

I'm trying to use a picture of myself as an avatar as an exposure exercise. I doubt it will last very long.
You look like a cool dude to me mate, and I'm a bloke! I also had the same with ladies but its pretty irrational, they're human beings.
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  #41  
Old 24th October 2015, 00:55
Cairn Cairn is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Quote:
Originally Posted by abc
I genuinely think if I was better looking I wouldn't have any social problems. I wouldn't have been bullied due to the way I look, which meant I would never have developed an irrational fear of women that lasted till my mid-20s, and I would have been able to have had healthy friendships and relationships.

I'm trying to use a picture of myself as an avatar as an exposure exercise. I doubt it will last very long.

I feel the same way, that if I was better looking I wouldn't be where I am now.

Thing is, you're a good looking bloke and I'd rather look like you than me. lol

So if I looked like you I wouldn't be here, but you look like you but you're here.

We're mad, mate. lol
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  #42  
Old 26th October 2015, 00:17
purplerose purplerose is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Quote:
Originally Posted by abc
Yes. It probably sounds strange but I genuinely have no idea what I actually look like.
Me too!!!

If someone took a picture of me right now and shown me it I feel when I look in the mirror it doesn't look like that picture if that makes sense ?!
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  #43  
Old 26th October 2015, 19:11
Cognitive Cognitive is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Quote:
Originally Posted by purplerose
Me too!!!

If someone took a picture of me right now and shown me it I feel when I look in the mirror it doesn't look like that picture if that makes sense ?!
Yes, its strange, a picture is a single moment. If you looked up images of an attractive celebrity, you'd probably find that there are some photos that you'd consider confirm this and others that do not. However, when we look at a single picture of ourselves or a mirror we believe that this is a true assessment of our appearance, that holds in all circumstances. This is when it becomes problematic. You get tunnel vision.
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  #44  
Old 9th January 2016, 08:06
cordyceps cordyceps is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

I'm at that point now where I'm wondering whether to start to scrounge up some money (I'm only part-time) and mental effort to 'fix' some of the actually fixable aspects of my appearance or just give up. At the moment I don't bother, at all. Managing to wash, put on clean clothes and physically go outside is demanding enough.

The idea is that 'you feel better if you try', but sadly that only seems to work for SA/depression.
When I looked into procedures before that could help (I don't mean surgery or anything invasive here btw) and found they couldn't do what I wanted or I couldn't afford them, it really was emotionally devastating.

The joke is that if my appearance was (at least) societally acceptable I'd be quite happy to take a second part-time job to cover the expenses of these things -it's not like I have anything else I could be doing - but looking as I do right now, I just can't.

It's more thinking about (oh, God) the future that sets my worry off. Being a reclusive burden's all very well when you're dependent on others but a certain person won't live forever and it'll be very hard to practically function if things don't change.
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  #45  
Old 9th January 2016, 12:04
newbs16 newbs16 is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

What are you considering having done?
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  #46  
Old 9th January 2016, 18:58
cordyceps cordyceps is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

^Nothing invasive or that you could class as surgery. I'd feel uncomfortable saying in detail.
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  #47  
Old 9th January 2016, 20:47
atlantic atlantic is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Quote:
Originally Posted by Legion
The most frustrating thing about BDD for me is people trying to convince you that xyz is all in your head (#bars), or even pretending that xyz is hot. Rofl.

Example scenario:
-I explain that I think I'm unlikely to ever be in a relationship because I'm a manlet and women like big men.
-Female friend tells me that's bs or w/e (I never talk to male friends about mental illness, I'm not that stupid).

Yet everyone knows women do prefer bigger men. Obviously I mean taller and not some sort of danny devito look..

I honestly don't understand how someone can just talk BS to your face, yet think it's the truth? Baffles me. I also think, 'why are they lying to me?' Mostly I just assume they are trying to make me feel better, but sometimes I wonder if they're just saying these things because they feel bad about the truth.
I find it quite hurtful and annoying when people try to convince me that what I see is wrong. They say my flaws are not there or not as bad as I imagine them to be. But sometimes they go beyong that and exaggarate and say im attractive. This is mostly family members and close friends but I get annoyed as its like they are lying to me to reassure me. All I want is the truth confirmed, I dont want to be lied to.
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  #48  
Old 9th January 2016, 22:50
biscuits biscuits is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

It comes from a place of caring. Their intent is good. BDD is fairly difficult for other people to understand and they will not know that what they are saying sparks off negative thoughts. They'll be thinking that if you hear the compliments enough times then you may start to believe them.

When people give these insistent compliments they have no idea that it's making us feel worse, unless we tell them.

I don't like to hear the compliments because just like you guys, it makes me feel worse! So I usually faux accept them and change the subject.

They may just think that we're being modest and batting off the compliments because that's generally what people do!

Try not to feel negatively towards the other people. They probably just don't understand.

If they were like, "WHY DO YOU THINK THAT? YOU'RE SO WEIRD!" and start saying unkind things... then they're being insensitive.
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  #49  
Old 9th January 2016, 23:43
Legion Legion is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

It's not exactly uncommon for the response on here to be some variation of: 'the problem is that you are a misogynist that generalises women'.

I'm a really strange misogynist, who feels worthless because I can't give women what I know they want. As in, I bloody witness it and see it all the time.

What's more, I feel guilty that I don't like being alone and want a girlfriend, even knowing I can't provide that for her.

That's why I don't have any time for Feminists. They can take their misery and pour it over someone else. I've got plenty already.
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  #50  
Old 10th January 2016, 01:10
Legion Legion is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Quote:
Originally Posted by abc
I don't see any link between BDD and misogyny, and I find it quite strange that anyone would suggest there is.
I don't think anyone has suggested a link, to clarify.

It's just I will be having a bad day and post something related to my BDD.

Someone will start to read it, get to the 'women like xyz' part, and suddenly.. *TRIGGERED!* *Sirens*. 'This demon must be destroyed!'

Something like that.
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  #51  
Old 10th January 2016, 01:27
Progress Progress is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Quote:
Originally Posted by Legion
I don't think anyone has suggested a link, to clarify.

It's just I will be having a bad day and post something related to my BDD.

Someone will start to read it, get to the 'women like xyz' part, and suddenly.. *TRIGGERED!* *Sirens*. 'This demon must be destroyed!'
I agree, to call you a misogynist for that (if it has happened) doesn't help you. But thinking like that in too black and white a fashion also doesn't help yourself either. To think more along the lines that all women are different would help yourself more (in more than one way)
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  #52  
Old 10th January 2016, 14:32
atlantic atlantic is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Quote:
Originally Posted by Legion
I don't think anyone has suggested a link, to clarify.

It's just I will be having a bad day and post something related to my BDD.

Someone will start to read it, get to the 'women like xyz' part, and suddenly.. *TRIGGERED!* *Sirens*. 'This demon must be destroyed!'

Something like that.
I can understand why you might be accused of that. I have been accused of being shallow as I place too much emphasis on looks and accuse others or being looks focused when finding others attractive. But that is due to my inexperience and my BDD making me so focused on peoples appearance and ignoring other aspects of a person. Ive been told im a good, interesting person yet when it comes to relationships im severely lacking therefore I can only deduce that women are not interested in me as they see me and dont want to know and ignore other aspects of my personality. Like biscuits said people dont really get BDD so just ignore comments that accuse you of being misogynistic as thats not really what you are thinking.
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  #53  
Old 10th January 2016, 20:56
Finlay Finlay is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

When I get ready in the morning I have one trusty mirror I look in before I go out. For some reason I look my best in it, facially and body-shape wise, and it helps set me up feeling at least slightly more body-confident before I go about my day. After that I try to avoid seeing myself in any other reflective surfaces because 90% of the time something usually shocks/disappoints/disturbs me in what I see. Whenever I see myself in other reflective surfaces or photos, I look like some weird lanky, bulbous-headed freak (or at least that's what my inner critic thinks). Sometimes I feel I look like a completely different person. I don't think I've had a good photograph of me since 2002.

I've had this since my teens, though. I used to punch my nose in an effort to stop it growing. I'd burn my face with overuse of multiple spot creams and lotions. I'd steam up with bathroom mirrors with the shower, just so I couldn't see myself before I went out. Then, magically, for a couple of years in my late teens I got confidence from somewhere and suddenly actually started liking what I saw in the mirror. Then hair loss kicked in around age 24 and thus started a new era of image obsession*.

Strange thing is, I can look back at photos of myself from my good years and still think to this day "Yup, I look pretty darned okay and healthy there". There's a glow about me back then. Yet photos from a year later I'm like a different person, all grey and sagging. I look like I've aged 20 years in a year. Surely I couldn't change physically that much in a year? It's weird.

I'm a bit more accepting of current self these days. I still wince when I see photos of myself, though, which is why I try to just look at myself in my trusty mirror to keep my spirits up through the day.

*God, I could write a book (okay, maybe not a book - perhaps a small pamphlet) about hair loss and how rubbish it is. Sure, it's not the worst thing in the world, but it does really suck to have a look foisted upon you that doesn't really suit you and that you really don't want.
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  #54  
Old 12th January 2016, 14:43
jinny jinny is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Quote:
Originally Posted by atlantic
I find it quite hurtful and annoying when people try to convince me that what I see is wrong. They say my flaws are not there or not as bad as I imagine them to be. But sometimes they go beyong that and exaggarate and say im attractive. This is mostly family members and close friends but I get annoyed as its like they are lying to me to reassure me. All I want is the truth confirmed, I dont want to be lied to.
I think I understand how you feel? But if I don't then ignore me..

Is it that in yourself you feel sure you are not attractive and that people trying to reassure you that you ARE attractive just undermines you?

What you really want is for people to accept you as you are?

It reminds me of arguments I've had in the past when people have called me attractive...it felt as if they were trying to make me something I'm not, what I really wanted was for people to say...it's ok to be ugly you know, I still love you with your weird old wonky face.

Maybe it comes from youth & beauty being held in such high esteem by the media.

It makes us feel as though we should be a certain way.
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  #55  
Old 12th January 2016, 22:16
atlantic atlantic is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Quote:
Originally Posted by jinny
I think I understand how you feel? But if I don't then ignore me..

Is it that in yourself you feel sure you are not attractive and that people trying to reassure you that you ARE attractive just undermines you?

What you really want is for people to accept you as you are?
Yes basically. I know im unattractive, evidence suggest it, never been called it but just because no one has said im 'ugly' doesnt mean I am not as people have ridiculed me for my flaws.

For me its basically I wanna know where I stand, how unattractive am I and I cant know as I dont know what I look like, I cant trust my eyes as I have BDD but just because you have BDD doesnt mean you are not ugly imo. So when people say im attractive it plays with my mind and confuses me. Hope that all makes sense lol.

Do you have BDD Jinny?
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  #56  
Old 24th January 2016, 06:23
cordyceps cordyceps is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

I've never seen anyone actually ugly on a BDD doc. Watching one now and no one has any obvious flaws. Things which are performatively 'wrong'. Everyone looks Normie 100.

The plight of being an exception within an exception!
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  #57  
Old 24th January 2016, 10:35
biscuits biscuits is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

^ Yes. I think a lot of people start to fixate on one aspect of their physical appearance that is 'wrong'. It becomes obsessive. Then more things get added to the list and they can end up with having a sort of mangled mental representation of their appearance, but other people don't see them in that way at all.

Mine started with my eyebrows then it moved on to my wonky eyes etc.

At the moment, I'm getting a bad case of the BDDs. I can barely look at myself without feeling totally disgusted.

It seems to be linked to how I'm feeling. I feel so odd at the moment. My self-esteem is low and I feel like a complete social failure. It quickly made my thoughts turn to my appearance...

Yet when I'm happy and things are going okay, or if I'm too busy to notice the gaps in my life, I barely even thinking about my appearance at all. It's strange.

It's something I'd never talk to other people about because I worry that they might think I'm fishing for compliments. Also it's hard to explain.

[Please don't quote]
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  #58  
Old 24th January 2016, 17:01
biscuits biscuits is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Sucks, dunnit? :hugs2:

(Good to see you back, Wulfgar.)
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  #59  
Old 24th January 2016, 22:51
Appear Appear is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

^^^^ I'm similar in wanting to talk to others about my BDD-esque concerns, but I'm always put off for that very reason. That and the other, almost opposing fear of having my concerns confirmed.
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  #60  
Old 24th January 2016, 23:15
cordyceps cordyceps is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

@ biscuits:

Yeah, you're right, I think it is that way for many. They actually look normal and fixate on one thing which is usually a matter of opinion anyway - 'my nose is wonky', etc.

I have things actually going physically wrong with my appearance (medical-related), which adds to the general feeling of ugliness...it is hard sometimes to identify with a lot of the people on the documentaries. There are certain things I'm dealing with which are in no way 'perception'...so maybe I'm reacting totally rationally to it all, who knows?

Yes, it does seem to link to mood, I noticed that too. My BDD seems to be intensifying by the year.
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