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  #1  
Old 22nd October 2017, 11:12
firemonkey firemonkey is offline
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Default Eye contact-such a tricky one

I don't like to make eye contact but make myself do so because it's expected when you are interacting with people. I am never sure how long is too long though, and whether I'm over compensating or not. After all there's not making eye contact vs outright staring at someone.


Thoughts welcomed.
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  #2  
Old 22nd October 2017, 11:24
biscuits biscuits is offline
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Default Re: Eye contact-such a tricky one

If you watch other people then it can be useful research. They look into the other person's eyes on and off. They don't maintain eye gaze. Sometimes I do if I'm annoyed with someone. A silent, squinty eye stare says more than words.

When I'm talking to someone new then I become really self-aware of everything- eye contact, my hands, body...suddenly I forget how to be natural. Once I've spoken to someone a few times then it becomes natural and I don't think about it.

Being socially awkward is rubbish, but giving things a go allows you to get a bit better at things. Maybe starting with things that you know will be quick conversations (e.g. asking for a stamp) can help you to build up to trying out eye contact in a short conversation.
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Old 22nd October 2017, 17:08
Seagull Seagull is offline
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Default Re: Eye contact-such a tricky one

I find that when talking to someone I often tend to focus one just one of their eyes rather than both.
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Old 22nd October 2017, 21:54
Jason90 Jason90 is offline
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Default Re: Eye contact-such a tricky one

Used to find it near impossible to make anymore than a fleeting glance before looking back at the ground, i just practised and while improving in general on my confidence i found it progressed without me really working on it consciously. I occasionally will have similar thoughts on holding someones gaze too long, as Biscuits said nobody holds eye contact continually its more just enough to show your listening and interested, watching other people do it can teach you how long is "normal".
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Old 23rd October 2017, 00:06
Danica Danica is offline
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Default Re: Eye contact-such a tricky one

Quote:
Originally Posted by biscuits
When I'm talking to someone new then I become really self-aware of everything- eye contact, my hands, body...suddenly I forget how to be natural.
I'm just like this and feel like the other person will pick up on it and reject me for being a weirdo!

Has anyone ever noticed that the more reluctant they are to make eye contact, the more aggressively people will try to catch your eye? I've noticed this more with men, sales people and authority figures - it's as though they feel entitled to your attention and think that they have a right to demand it. This kind of behaviour makes me feel less inclined to engage with them.

Whenever I go out shopping with my mother, she always makes an effort to smile and make eye contact with others so I don't have to. I appreciate this because I feel as though I need a facilitator when interacting with others.
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  #6  
Old 23rd October 2017, 00:41
wd40mk17.4 wd40mk17.4 is offline
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Default Re: Eye contact-such a tricky one

I just cannot do eye contact.
Been given feedback after job interviews about my lack of eye contact and so on.
I try, but it's very very uncomfortable.
I've been told that it's easier if you focus on the bridge of their nose, I've tried that, it helps a bit, but still uncomfortable.
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  #7  
Old 23rd October 2017, 01:08
Oddity Oddity is offline
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Default Re: Eye contact-such a tricky one

I do struggle with this when it's a full on conversation, it is annoying when people think I'm intimidated when really I'm thinking "Where are my eyes supposed to be!! "

My last therapist said that when I find myself over thinking it and looking away, I should try to do the opposite of what I'm doing, or something like that. I don't know how helpful that is because I haven't really tried it
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