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  #1  
Old 14th October 2017, 02:52
notanotherone02 notanotherone02 is offline
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Red face Judgement

So i find it so hard to open up about things and just in my general day-to-day life because I just have this constant fear that people are judging me, like, it's even hard for me to write this post because I'm worrying already (and I've only just joined) about judgement. Judgement based on a lot of things - my age being one.

But that's one thing - real life is another. I hate crowds because I'm constantly worried that people are staring/judging/laughing at me - my rational brain says 'no, they're not laughing at you' but my normal brain screams over that they that they must be.

And I know it's stupid - also stupid that I'm still awake at almost 3am thinking about the way I deliberately walked slowly into school earlier to avoid people all together (oh and an embarrassing moment from 2012)!

I just feel that at my age I should be out enjoying my life (and people have said this to me). I used to be able to get buses out into the town myself but now? I just can't bring myself to do that at the moment because of this constant fear of what those around me are thinking of me!!

And I know this is a rant.

I'm scared to post this because I don't know what people will think.
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  #2  
Old 14th October 2017, 04:50
MJC MJC is offline
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Default Re: Judgement

Quote:
Originally Posted by notanotherone02
So i find it so hard to open up about things and just in my general day-to-day life because I just have this constant fear that people are judging me, like, it's even hard for me to write this post because I'm worrying already (and I've only just joined) about judgement. Judgement based on a lot of things - my age being one.

But that's one thing - real life is another. I hate crowds because I'm constantly worried that people are staring/judging/laughing at me - my rational brain says 'no, they're not laughing at you' but my normal brain screams over that they that they must be.

And I know it's stupid - also stupid that I'm still awake at almost 3am thinking about the way I deliberately walked slowly into school earlier to avoid people all together (oh and an embarrassing moment from 2012)!

I just feel that at my age I should be out enjoying my life (and people have said this to me). I used to be able to get buses out into the town myself but now? I just can't bring myself to do that at the moment because of this constant fear of what those around me are thinking of me!!

And I know this is a rant.

I'm scared to post this because I don't know what people will think.
No judgement here. I actually think you're very brave.

I can't really offer you any advice because I feel the same way, hate crowds of people, especially groups of teenagers as I find them intimidating and my brain begins thinking the same way as you, they're staring, laughing and judging me on my hair, clothes, anything and everything.

I can't do any form of public transport because I'm worried people will see me as bus trash etc. I know its completely stupid and pathetic but seriously if I didn't have a car I probably wouldn't leave the house.

When my car broke down once and was off the road for a while I had to use the train a couple of times (I can't even shop in my own town!) I vowed never again and ordered my shopping online until my car was fixed.

What was your embarrassing moment from 2012?

You're still in school so you're still young. I read that the younger SA is diagnosed and treated the higher the chance of recovery. Do you have a good family connection? If so it would definitely benefit you to open to a family member and get to your doctors to discuss treatment options. This way SA won't hold you back from options such as uni and employment in your late teens and twenties etc.
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  #3  
Old 14th October 2017, 06:03
Muggins Muggins is offline
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Default Re: Judgement

Hi notanotherone02 and welcome to the forum

Firstly, well done on starting this thread!
I suspect I’m much older than you, and have definitely been here a lot longer but I’m way too nervous to start a thread of my own so kudos to you for doing so

You definitely aren't alone in feeling that everyone is judging you and I can guarantee that every other member using this forum will have felt exactly the same way as you at one time or another as it pretty much sums up what social anxiety is all about - the fear of what other people think of us.

I’m guessing that you are quite young as you mention that you are still at school.
If I’m honest, my time at school from the age of 13 or 14 onwards was absolutely awful because my SA had already started to kick in in a big way. I was at my most self conscious back then and I also used to blush bright red in class when a teacher asked me a question. I remember only too well walking down the street and constantly imagining that everyone was looking at me and laughing. Of course, there’s always going to be some idiot who confirms your fear but when they aren’t judging you they will be judging someone else because that’s how inadequate people operate. But, the majority of people won’t be judging you negatively and are infact so wrapped up in their own lives that they will barely even notice you.

Like you say, it can feel like everyone else is having a great time out socialising (especially if everything they post on social media is to be believed! ) but you need to remind yourself that this certainly isn’t how it is for everyone. People edit their online persona to make their lives look more exciting than it is - they don’t talk about the boring days that they stayed indoors alone. However, in reality, there are many young people who frequently spend evenings and weekends at home pursuing quiet hobbies, watching TV or sitting in their rooms alone playing PC games.
Just because the quieter less social people aren't shouting everything about themselves from the rooftops doesn’t mean that they don’t exist. Far from it!!
The world isn’t made up of extroverts, it just feels that way sometimes because they make the most noise

Also, try not to compare yourself with others as it’s a futile race that you can never win. Run your race and let others run theres. You will reach your own goals in your own time. Everyone is unique and different and has different things they find easy or difficult.

As tough as it is, I think you know that you need to start doing things again, like taking the bus in to town despite the anxiety that you are currently feeling. Avoidance will only increase the anxiety that you feel in social situations so it’s very important that you try to face your fears. Perhaps you could start by taking the bus during a quieter time of the day? Or travel a shorter distance? Anything that makes your first trip out a little bit less daunting. Or perhaps you could treat yourself to something that you would really like (such as a New PC game or whatever) when you finally reach the Town?
It is the continuous baby steps that you take each and every day that will gradually help you to build up your confidence and lead the kind of life that you would like.

If anyone thinks something about you it doesn’t mean that they are always judging you negatively. They may be admiring something that you are wearing, for example, in the same way that you might think something nice about somebody. From my observations, most people under 60 are so engrossed in their mobile phones that I doubt they’d even notice if someone ran down the street stark naked

I agree 100% with MJC about seeking help now while you are still very young.
Do you have supportive parents that you can talk to? If my 14 year old was feeling anxious I would very much hope that he could talk to me about it so that I could do everything I could to help.

As MJC says, it’s definitely worth talking to your Doctor as he/she may be able to offer you some help and advice with regards to treatment. You may find it easier if you have a family member or someone that you feel comfortable with going a long with you to see the GP and I’ve found that it also sometimes helped me to write down how I was feeling and give that to the Doctor to read if I was feeling especially nervous and tongue-tied.

The sooner you tackle your social anxiety the more chance you have of totally overcoming it and pursuing all of your goals and dreams.
Suffering with Social Anxiety is certainly nothing to feel ashamed or embarrassed about and there are lots of people of all ages and from all walks of life who have suffered with anxiety and managed to overcome it

I hope that you continue to post notanotherone, because you certainly haven’t posted anything silly at all, and most people will be able to totally relate to what you have spoken about and will hopefully be able to offer you some helpful support and advice.

Take care of yourself
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  #4  
Old 14th October 2017, 11:01
notanotherone02 notanotherone02 is offline
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Default Re: Judgement

Quote:
Originally Posted by MJC
No judgement here. I actually think you're very brave.

I can't really offer you any advice because I feel the same way, hate crowds of people, especially groups of teenagers as I find them intimidating and my brain begins thinking the same way as you, they're staring, laughing and judging me on my hair, clothes, anything and everything.

I can't do any form of public transport because I'm worried people will see me as bus trash etc. I know its completely stupid and pathetic but seriously if I didn't have a car I probably wouldn't leave the house.

When my car broke down once and was off the road for a while I had to use the train a couple of times (I can't even shop in my own town!) I vowed never again and ordered my shopping online until my car was fixed.

What was your embarrassing moment from 2012?

You're still in school so you're still young. I read that the younger SA is diagnosed and treated the higher the chance of recovery. Do you have a good family connection? If so it would definitely benefit you to open to a family member and get to your doctors to discuss treatment options. This way SA won't hold you back from options such as uni and employment in your late teens and twenties etc.
Hey,

Thank you so, so much for your reply! It honestly means so much. I'm so sorry you feel the same as I do

I never used to struggle with this as much as I do now... I'm on holiday this week and, while I *want* to meet up with people and enjoy it, I just can't bring myself to would rather stay in the house.

I'm 14 so yes still young I guess. That's good to know about the treatment. Again, I would open up to my family, but .... this post ... the same fear applies there. I'm even worried about what my own family think of me!!

Oh, in 2012... that is an incredibly long story that would fill up 81 pages!! Lol!

Again, thank you so so much!!
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  #5  
Old 14th October 2017, 11:29
notanotherone02 notanotherone02 is offline
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Default Re: Judgement

Quote:
Originally Posted by Muggins
Hi notanotherone02 and welcome to the forum

Firstly, well done on starting this thread!
I suspect Iím much older than you, and have definitely been here a lot longer but Iím way too nervous to start a thread of my own so kudos to you for doing so

You definitely aren't alone in feeling that everyone is judging you and I can guarantee that every other member using this forum will have felt exactly the same way as you at one time or another as it pretty much sums up what social anxiety is all about - the fear of what other people think of us.

Iím guessing that you are quite young as you mention that you are still at school.
If Iím honest, my time at school from the age of 13 or 14 onwards was absolutely awful because my SA had already started to kick in in a big way. I was at my most self conscious back then and I also used to blush bright red in class when a teacher asked me a question. I remember only too well walking down the street and constantly imagining that everyone was looking at me and laughing. Of course, thereís always going to be some idiot who confirms your fear but when they arenít judging you they will be judging someone else because thatís how inadequate people operate. But, the majority of people wonít be judging you negatively and are infact so wrapped up in their own lives that they will barely even notice you.

Like you say, it can feel like everyone else is having a great time out socialising (especially if everything they post on social media is to be believed! ) but you need to remind yourself that this certainly isnít how it is for everyone. People edit their online persona to make their lives look more exciting than it is - they donít talk about the boring days that they stayed indoors alone. However, in reality, there are many young people who frequently spend evenings and weekends at home pursuing quiet hobbies, watching TV or sitting in their rooms alone playing PC games.
Just because the quieter less social people aren't shouting everything about themselves from the rooftops doesnít mean that they donít exist. Far from it!!
The world isnít made up of extroverts, it just feels that way sometimes because they make the most noise

Also, try not to compare yourself with others as itís a futile race that you can never win. Run your race and let others run theres. You will reach your own goals in your own time. Everyone is unique and different and has different things they find easy or difficult.

As tough as it is, I think you know that you need to start doing things again, like taking the bus in to town despite the anxiety that you are currently feeling. Avoidance will only increase the anxiety that you feel in social situations so itís very important that you try to face your fears. Perhaps you could start by taking the bus during a quieter time of the day? Or travel a shorter distance? Anything that makes your first trip out a little bit less daunting. Or perhaps you could treat yourself to something that you would really like (such as a New PC game or whatever) when you finally reach the Town?
It is the continuous baby steps that you take each and every day that will gradually help you to build up your confidence and lead the kind of life that you would like.

If anyone thinks something about you it doesnít mean that they are always judging you negatively. They may be admiring something that you are wearing, for example, in the same way that you might think something nice about somebody. From my observations, most people under 60 are so engrossed in their mobile phones that I doubt theyíd even notice if someone ran down the street stark naked

I agree 100% with MJC about seeking help now while you are still very young.
Do you have supportive parents that you can talk to? If my 14 year old was feeling anxious I would very much hope that he could talk to me about it so that I could do everything I could to help.

As MJC says, itís definitely worth talking to your Doctor as he/she may be able to offer you some help and advice with regards to treatment. You may find it easier if you have a family member or someone that you feel comfortable with going a long with you to see the GP and Iíve found that it also sometimes helped me to write down how I was feeling and give that to the Doctor to read if I was feeling especially nervous and tongue-tied.

The sooner you tackle your social anxiety the more chance you have of totally overcoming it and pursuing all of your goals and dreams.
Suffering with Social Anxiety is certainly nothing to feel ashamed or embarrassed about and there are lots of people of all ages and from all walks of life who have suffered with anxiety and managed to overcome it

I hope that you continue to post notanotherone, because you certainly havenít posted anything silly at all, and most people will be able to totally relate to what you have spoken about and will hopefully be able to offer you some helpful support and advice.

Take care of yourself
Heya,

Thank you so, so much. I'm so glad I joined here now and had the courage to post. The support from both of you has been absolutely amazing - support I've never had from anyone else.

I do have supportive parents, but as I said above, I would struggle to talk to them because of the judgement problem. I know I can talk to them and if I did they would do what they could to help (very long history of anxiety in my family) but it's just gettting that conversation started. I'd be even more nervous than I was to post on here... same with the GP.

Yes, I'm still in school, as I'm 14. I hate when teachers ask me questions, they've always written "needs to speak in class" on my reports... but I can't. One time in French earlier this year (I've dropped that subject now) I had to speak in class and some nasty idiot did laugh at me... I pretended not to care. But... I did. And I've hardly said a word in class since then (and before then, too)!

I guess you're right about the social media - I rarely use social media like facebook anymore because it just shows me what fun other's are having. BYou never see posts of people having days like mine. But it's true, when I do post stuff on them... it's not of the days I spend in my house alone!!

I know I need to start doing things again, and I hopefully will try to do this at some point soon... The only way I would get the bus at the moment is if someone was with me. So if I did that and then cut down the number of people (y'know what I mean) and then went back to going myself. Thanks for the tips re that.

Honestly, this reply was so nice to read - again, thank you so much for it!! And I thought to myself that if I start a thread while I'm still relatively new, I might be able to do the same in the future (that is an issue I have on other sites that I'm a long term member of... if I didn't start a thread when I was relatively new, the same thing applies and I just can't do it).

You take care too!!
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  #6  
Old 14th October 2017, 18:24
MJC MJC is offline
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Default Re: Judgement

Quote:
Originally Posted by notanotherone02
Hey,

Thank you so, so much for your reply! It honestly means so much. I'm so sorry you feel the same as I do

I never used to struggle with this as much as I do now... I'm on holiday this week and, while I *want* to meet up with people and enjoy it, I just can't bring myself to would rather stay in the house.

I'm 14 so yes still young I guess. That's good to know about the treatment. Again, I would open up to my family, but .... this post ... the same fear applies there. I'm even worried about what my own family think of me!!

Oh, in 2012... that is an incredibly long story that would fill up 81 pages!! Lol!

Again, thank you so so much!!
Hey,

You're very welcome. I feel a connection with you and really want to help you.

Is there anything else going on in your life at the moment that could be causing your anxiety? Problems at home or at school? Do you feel depressed or have or ever had thoughts of harming yourself in any way? I was 14 also when I flipped and couldn't take things any longer and ended up attempting suicide. I don't want you going down a similar path...

Quote:
I'm 14 so yes still young I guess.
You guess? You've years ahead of you yet. You haven't even begun to live. Plenty of time to treat this anxiety and anything else wrong in your life and have a long and fullfilling future.

Regarding your family, I can connect with you on this one. It can be difficult to ask for help and it will be extremely hard, but things have to get worse before they can get any better. I strongly suggest reaching out to a family member, whether it be a single parent of choice or perhaps even an aunt or grandparent?

Your 2012 story might make you feel better by just writing about it and putting it out there. It's obviously something significant to your anxiety and getting the courage to write it and post it might even make you feel a little better. Remember you've complete anonymity here and absolutely no judgement :
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  #7  
Old 14th October 2017, 18:51
notanotherone02 notanotherone02 is offline
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Default Re: Judgement

Quote:
Originally Posted by MJC
Hey,

You're very welcome. I feel a connection with you and really want to help you.

Is there anything else going on in your life at the moment that could be causing your anxiety? Problems at home or at school? Do you feel depressed or have or ever had thoughts of harming yourself in any way? I was 14 also when I flipped and couldn't take things any longer and ended up attempting suicide. I don't want you going down a similar path...



You guess? You've years ahead of you yet. You haven't even begun to live. Plenty of time to treat this anxiety and anything else wrong in your life and have a long and fullfilling future.

Regarding your family, I can connect with you on this one. It can be difficult to ask for help and it will be extremely hard, but things have to get worse before they can get any better. I strongly suggest reaching out to a family member, whether it be a single parent of choice or perhaps even an aunt or grandparent?

Your 2012 story might make you feel better by just writing about it and putting it out there. It's obviously something significant to your anxiety and getting the courage to write it and post it might even make you feel a little better. Remember you've complete anonymity here and absolutely no judgement :
Hey,

By the way, I read your thread, I don't know if my reply went through though as the website went all weird on me lol. Will try again!

Thank you so much for your reply again. It honestly means so much to me that people do care - I never thought that by having my little rant last night I would get such amazing support. So thank you.

I have several problems in my life - as I live in Scotland this year is the year when I will do my exams. That's just one of many problems at school (issues with certain teacher, etc). Home life is fine (what a boring word lol). I don't think I mentioned this in my original post (let me check... no I didn't) but I've had problems with anxiety since I was 9. 9!! So that's 5 long years. I had a small amount of support at that age, but it was withdrawn because, to them, I wasn't worth treating because my problems weren't bad enough... (this was CAMHS, by the way). I'm so sorry to hear about the horrible time you had at 14 as well... whoever said 'it's a difficult age' is correct. Have had issues with depression too, but the anxiety is the main problem for me.

Oh, and before you ask, I'm doing English at quite a high level so am being taught to write well lol.

Thanks for the advice re reaching out to family.

Ok, so I was 9 in 2012, so that was when the anxiety started really... and it displayed completely differently from how it does now. Basically, my worries about school lead to constant fainting, which was embarrassing... Obviously there's a lot more than that but I don't know why I was thinking about it last night... maube that it was the start of this life!

I know this post is getting long, so thank you again for replying. I'm gonna go check if my reply sent through now! Oh and P.S. my spacebar is broken so sorry for the typos.

Last edited by notanotherone02; 14th October 2017 at 19:55. Reason: Typos.
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Old 15th October 2017, 01:36
Blackflies Blackflies is offline
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Default Re: Judgement

Far from judging- a lot of us will be reading your post with jealousy- yes jealousy, that we didn't find places like this or have the guts at your age to make a post like that. So kudos.

Quote:
Originally Posted by notanotherone02
I just feel that at my age I should be out enjoying my life (and people have said this to me). I used to be able to get buses out into the town myself but now? I just can't bring myself to do that at the moment because of this constant fear of what those around me are thinking of me!!
Buses/public transport has always been a really big issue for me. Partly for the reasons you described, ie that feeling of judgement when people look at you when you first get on- even though we all know we do it ourselves, often for no real real other than because we have eyes! The anxiety of having to choose a seat next to someone & deciding which one would be the least angry about you picking them! Ha. I used to have this irrational fear that people would attack me on them, with no escape to get off. I never tackled my fear in this department (i'm also older so I can afford to avoid it by taking cabs) but I think you are brave for continuing to use buses as a lot of anxiety kids will just avoid school to escape these anxiety episodes (I certainly did). I used to do that thing of arriving extra early or leaving extra late just so I didn't avoid that dreaded moment of walking in last or hanging outside the gates awkwardly waiting for my Dad. Still as an adult, I will often de-tour the check out line, pretending to look at other items because the line up has too many people. Sometimes, I feel the need to double check I have the right money, even though I know I have, for fear of keeping people waiting in the line because i'm having to fiddle etc.

The older I get, the more I realize most people are honestly too busy or distracted in our own lives to be judging others simply in general passing. Most people do their judging in their tight day to day group, albeit work colleges or school class but most of these judgments are petty & made simply to pass the time or so they can fit in themselves (ie "oh yes I totally agree") rather than having any real merit. Plus, I find most judgmental types are actually sweet as pie once they get to know you as an individual, they just get lost in the fitting in, bitching sheep culture. The next target really could be anyone & while we tend to remember the hurtful things they've done to us- they've forgotten who we are or about it in no time. The issue will always seem bigger to us than it is to the rest of the world.

Like even now sometimes I feel weird-ed out when people that I would stereotype as being one of the 'cool' kids wants to get to know me. My brain reverts to teen school me that will presume it's a joke/trick or something designed to make me look naive & stupid but actually the older you get- the more people embrace the people that are slightly off or different. Actually we're almost a novelty that is the icing on the cake. Every social group needs one of us!

When i'm having irrational thoughts that encourage me to beat myself up or begin harboring my bettering process, I try to think of this quote;



And remember that most of us are merely inflicting our own stab wounds based on a few bruises others gave us that should of healed by now- if only we'd let them.

Quote:
Originally Posted by notanotherone02
...but I've had problems with anxiety since I was 9. 9!! So that's 5 long years. I had a small amount of support at that age, but it was withdrawn because, to them, I wasn't worth treating because my problems weren't bad enough... (this was CAMHS, by the way).

Ok, so I was 9 in 2012, so that was when the anxiety started really... and it displayed completely differently from how it does now. Basically, my worries about school lead to constant fainting, which was embarrassing...

My anxiety started young too. It also affected my health in a similar way & I was given the OK by psychologists to leave school at 13 because of it. But I regret this. Stay in education as long as you can. Even if you feel some days you really can't do it, push through. Even if your exams don't get graded to what you hope, a low GCSE is better than none so try not to fret. But by the sounds of things you're going to do just fine.

With regard to the fainting, perhaps write a note to the principle or email asking if you can have a 'get out' card. My school gave me a card that I could hold up or leave it on my desk and simply leave class for a short while. Personally I found this more awkward due to my self-consciousness but it is an option when you get that overwhelming feeling of losing control to be able to escape without fear of being reprimanded or explaining to the teacher just to give you that moment to calm down.

With doctors, you can always write it down. I do this, even as an adult as I often find I lose the courage to ask things or I simply just forget because I feel overwhelmed. Doctors are actually grateful for this as many of them have to listen to a lot of nonsense chatter before patients get to what they are actually there for. I'm a grown woman & i've cried when a doctor has simply asked "how are you?" so don't feel ashamed or feel like you are alone for feeling anxiety. Plus so many doctors/professionals are overwhelmed with so many now that they won't even remember you specifically- it just feels like they will in the moment. Again because our hangups always seem bigger to us.

Goodluck with the exams ^_^
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  #9  
Old 15th October 2017, 09:06
Rianne Rianne is offline
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Default Re: Judgement

Well done for writing such an articulate post that describes so well how many of us feel. Being judged is something that I struggle with on a daily basis. And I worry about it so much that it actually makes me behave in a way that invites judgement. If asked to do anything I always worry that I'm going to do it wrong, and I then invariably do, and I can feel the negative judgement all around me. I'm a lot older than you (half way through my 50's) and I've lived with this for longer than I care to remember.
It is very true that those of us with Social Anxiety judge ourselves much more harshly than anyone else ever could. I know it's not easy, because I can't do this myself, but the thing to do is just go about your life and tell yourself that what others think of you is none of your business!!! If you're doing nothing wrong what is there to judge? But I do know how it is. I have got to the stage now when I can hardly talk to anyone without thinking that they are negatively analysing everything that I have said and have me down as some sort of pathetic individual who is nothing but a drain on society, incapable of making any sort of valid contribution at all. Every time I do anything I feel I'm inviting hostility from others just by token of the fact that I exist and have dared to attempt to be present in any way. I think it's amazing that at your very tender age, you have had the ability to post, which has given so many of us the opportunity to speak up ourselves. You are certainly not alone in the way that you feel and I think that you have great courage and strength of character that will get you through in life. Whilst having SA is pretty debilitating it does also make a person more empathetic in life and in a world that seems to have a high percentage of hostile and self absorbed people, someone with a touch of empathy and compassion is to be very much valued!
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  #10  
Old 15th October 2017, 09:19
Muggins Muggins is offline
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Default Re: Judgement

Quote:
Originally Posted by notanotherone02
Heya,

Thank you so, so much. I'm so glad I joined here now and had the courage to post. The support from both of you has been absolutely amazing - support I've never had from anyone else.

I do have supportive parents, but as I said above, I would struggle to talk to them because of the judgement problem. I know I can talk to them and if I did they would do what they could to help (very long history of anxiety in my family) but it's just gettting that conversation started. I'd be even more nervous than I was to post on here... same with the GP.

Yes, I'm still in school, as I'm 14. I hate when teachers ask me questions, they've always written "needs to speak in class" on my reports... but I can't. One time in French earlier this year (I've dropped that subject now) I had to speak in class and some nasty idiot did laugh at me... I pretended not to care. But... I did. And I've hardly said a word in class since then (and before then, too)!

I guess you're right about the social media - I rarely use social media like facebook anymore because it just shows me what fun other's are having. BYou never see posts of people having days like mine. But it's true, when I do post stuff on them... it's not of the days I spend in my house alone!!

I know I need to start doing things again, and I hopefully will try to do this at some point soon... The only way I would get the bus at the moment is if someone was with me. So if I did that and then cut down the number of people (y'know what I mean) and then went back to going myself. Thanks for the tips re that.

Honestly, this reply was so nice to read - again, thank you so much for it!! And I thought to myself that if I start a thread while I'm still relatively new, I might be able to do the same in the future (that is an issue I have on other sites that I'm a long term member of... if I didn't start a thread when I was relatively new, the same thing applies and I just can't do it).

You take care too!!

Aww I’m only too happy to help anytime, notanotherone02
Also, please don’t hesitate to send me a PM if you ever want to chat (although I’d much prefer you to be talking to your own mum!) I can’t promise to have all the answers but I can relate to you on so many levels. Firstly, because I developed SA at 13/14 and secondly, because I’m mum to a shy 14 year old.

I hope that now you’ve confronted the fear that you had of posting here you will feel comfortable about posting in the future. I’ve always found this to be a safe and supportive environment to talk about whatever is on my mind without fear of criticism or judgement.

Everything you talk about reminds me of what it was like for me at 14, and I certainly wouldn’t want to go back to that time as they most definitely weren’t the best years of my life. In many ways the teenage years were some of the worst for me because of the immense peer pressure to fit it. Im glad to say that as I got older ‘fitting’ in became a lot less important.

I can totally relate to you not speaking up in class. I was virtually mute at school and only talked a little to a couple of friends that I tagged around with. I never put my hand up in class and all my school reports mentioned my quietness and lack of confidence. And in those days there wasn’t any help for extremely shy people like me. I don’t think the word Social Anxiety Disorder even existed - well I’d never heard of it. And worst of all, there was no Internet, so I really did think that I was the only person in the world to feel the way that I did

Ironically, although my 14 year old is much more confident than I ever was and spends most of his time out with his mates, every year from age 4 until now, the teachers say “He needs to speak up in class!” Well, it ain’t gonna happen, especially when you have a classroom full of gobby kids who always butt in and talk above everyone else!
Ahhh school days, such happy times - NOT

I’m so pleased to hear that you have supportive parents although it saddens me that you feel unable to tell them exactly how you are feeling. Honestly, your parents should be the least likely people in the world to judge you. I think you mentioned that other members of your family suffer with anxiety (sorry if I misunderstood) If so, they should be able to relate with what you are going through and want to help and support you all they can. Please don’t let your fear of judgment prevent you reaching out for support from the people who love you most, notanotherone

Having someone with you when you next take the Bus sounds like a good start. Do you have a friend from school that you could go with?
Just don’t leave it too long before you attempt to go into Town again because, as I said before, avoidance feeds the fear. You need to do it now rather than later, as it’s all too easy to keep putting it off and thinking I’ll do it when I’m feeling less anxious because it doesn’t work like that. You won’t start to feel less anxious until you’ve confronted your fear over and over and taken that bus a good few times

By the way, it doesn’t surprise me at all that you are studying English at a high level. Your posts here are incredibly eloquent and you are clearly extremely intelligent. Even from just the few posts you’ve written on the forums I can see so much potential in you and if you seek help for your SA there’s no doubt about it, you will have a very bright future ahead of you

Take care lovely x
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  #11  
Old 15th October 2017, 11:35
notanotherone02 notanotherone02 is offline
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Default Re: Judgement

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Originally Posted by Blackflies
Far from judging- a lot of us will be reading your post with jealousy- yes jealousy, that we didn't find places like this or have the guts at your age to make a post like that. So kudos.



Buses/public transport has always been a really big issue for me. Partly for the reasons you described, ie that feeling of judgement when people look at you when you first get on- even though we all know we do it ourselves, often for no real real other than because we have eyes! The anxiety of having to choose a seat next to someone & deciding which one would be the least angry about you picking them! Ha. I used to have this irrational fear that people would attack me on them, with no escape to get off. I never tackled my fear in this department (i'm also older so I can afford to avoid it by taking cabs) but I think you are brave for continuing to use buses as a lot of anxiety kids will just avoid school to escape these anxiety episodes (I certainly did). I used to do that thing of arriving extra early or leaving extra late just so I didn't avoid that dreaded moment of walking in last or hanging outside the gates awkwardly waiting for my Dad. Still as an adult, I will often de-tour the check out line, pretending to look at other items because the line up has too many people. Sometimes, I feel the need to double check I have the right money, even though I know I have, for fear of keeping people waiting in the line because i'm having to fiddle etc.

The older I get, the more I realize most people are honestly too busy or distracted in our own lives to be judging others simply in general passing. Most people do their judging in their tight day to day group, albeit work colleges or school class but most of these judgments are petty & made simply to pass the time or so they can fit in themselves (ie "oh yes I totally agree") rather than having any real merit. Plus, I find most judgmental types are actually sweet as pie once they get to know you as an individual, they just get lost in the fitting in, bitching sheep culture. The next target really could be anyone & while we tend to remember the hurtful things they've done to us- they've forgotten who we are or about it in no time. The issue will always seem bigger to us than it is to the rest of the world.

Like even now sometimes I feel weird-ed out when people that I would stereotype as being one of the 'cool' kids wants to get to know me. My brain reverts to teen school me that will presume it's a joke/trick or something designed to make me look naive & stupid but actually the older you get- the more people embrace the people that are slightly off or different. Actually we're almost a novelty that is the icing on the cake. Every social group needs one of us!

When i'm having irrational thoughts that encourage me to beat myself up or begin harboring my bettering process, I try to think of this quote;



And remember that most of us are merely inflicting our own stab wounds based on a few bruises others gave us that should of healed by now- if only we'd let them.




My anxiety started young too. It also affected my health in a similar way & I was given the OK by psychologists to leave school at 13 because of it. But I regret this. Stay in education as long as you can. Even if you feel some days you really can't do it, push through. Even if your exams don't get graded to what you hope, a low GCSE is better than none so try not to fret. But by the sounds of things you're going to do just fine.

With regard to the fainting, perhaps write a note to the principle or email asking if you can have a 'get out' card. My school gave me a card that I could hold up or leave it on my desk and simply leave class for a short while. Personally I found this more awkward due to my self-consciousness but it is an option when you get that overwhelming feeling of losing control to be able to escape without fear of being reprimanded or explaining to the teacher just to give you that moment to calm down.

With doctors, you can always write it down. I do this, even as an adult as I often find I lose the courage to ask things or I simply just forget because I feel overwhelmed. Doctors are actually grateful for this as many of them have to listen to a lot of nonsense chatter before patients get to what they are actually there for. I'm a grown woman & i've cried when a doctor has simply asked "how are you?" so don't feel ashamed or feel like you are alone for feeling anxiety. Plus so many doctors/professionals are overwhelmed with so many now that they won't even remember you specifically- it just feels like they will in the moment. Again because our hangups always seem bigger to us.

Goodluck with the exams ^_^
Hey,

Thank you so much. That means a lot!

OMG, I relate to a lot of what you say about buses. Getting on and off them makes me so nervous, and choosing a seat if it's next to someone (or having to sit in a window seat with the possibility of someone sitting next to me). One time earlier this year I was on the bus myself and a much older man (maybe 70-80) came and sat beside me and started to engage in conversation... needless to say I've hardly been on buses since.


Awww, that's a really nice quote there. I really like that, so thank you for sharing it.

I actually can't leave education until I'm at least 16.5 (as my birthday is in December and in Scotland the entry date is different - that's another story though) so am going to have to stay until then. I mean, I could leave next Christmas (they let you do that as well) but I'm trying to tell myself I can't do that so I'm not tempted to. I guess you're write about the GCSE.

I used ot have one of those get out cards at primary, it was a little orange card with the word 'break' on it. I never used it because of the judgement fear. Worrying about what all the little 9 year olds were thinking: "oh, why has she got that orange card?" For example.

Thanks for the tip re doctors. I think I would struggle to start that conversation with someone I hardly know (and my GP is one of those dismissive ones who sends you away with a prescription and doesn't hardly chat to you). Plus you have to be 16 to make an appointment (I think) and so I'd need to have the conversation with my parents first.

Again, thank you!!

Last edited by notanotherone02; 15th October 2017 at 11:39. Reason: Spacebar.
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  #12  
Old 15th October 2017, 11:45
notanotherone02 notanotherone02 is offline
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Default Re: Judgement

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Originally Posted by Nervous Wreck
Well done for writing such an articulate post that describes so well how many of us feel. Being judged is something that I struggle with on a daily basis. And I worry about it so much that it actually makes me behave in a way that invites judgement. If asked to do anything I always worry that I'm going to do it wrong, and I then invariably do, and I can feel the negative judgement all around me. I'm a lot older than you (half way through my 50's) and I've lived with this for longer than I care to remember.
It is very true that those of us with Social Anxiety judge ourselves much more harshly than anyone else ever could. I know it's not easy, because I can't do this myself, but the thing to do is just go about your life and tell yourself that what others think of you is none of your business!!! If you're doing nothing wrong what is there to judge? But I do know how it is. I have got to the stage now when I can hardly talk to anyone without thinking that they are negatively analysing everything that I have said and have me down as some sort of pathetic individual who is nothing but a drain on society, incapable of making any sort of valid contribution at all. Every time I do anything I feel I'm inviting hostility from others just by token of the fact that I exist and have dared to attempt to be present in any way. I think it's amazing that at your very tender age, you have had the ability to post, which has given so many of us the opportunity to speak up ourselves. You are certainly not alone in the way that you feel and I think that you have great courage and strength of character that will get you through in life. Whilst having SA is pretty debilitating it does also make a person more empathetic in life and in a world that seems to have a high percentage of hostile and self absorbed people, someone with a touch of empathy and compassion is to be very much valued!
Hiya,

Thank you for replying!

Yeah, I'm the same, feel like I'm going to do something wrong then I do, which then makes me think I'm going to do more things wrong. It's such a vicious cycle.

Thanksfor that, I'm sorry to hear you have this problem as well. I do try to just go about my life, but I can't help but think of what other's might be thinking...

Thanks!!
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  #13  
Old 15th October 2017, 12:03
notanotherone02 notanotherone02 is offline
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Originally Posted by Muggins
Aww Iím only too happy to help anytime, notanotherone02
Also, please donít hesitate to send me a PM if you ever want to chat (although Iíd much prefer you to be talking to your own mum!) I canít promise to have all the answers but I can relate to you on so many levels. Firstly, because I developed SA at 13/14 and secondly, because Iím mum to a shy 14 year old.

I hope that now youíve confronted the fear that you had of posting here you will feel comfortable about posting in the future. Iíve always found this to be a safe and supportive environment to talk about whatever is on my mind without fear of criticism or judgement.

Everything you talk about reminds me of what it was like for me at 14, and I certainly wouldnít want to go back to that time as they most definitely werenít the best years of my life. In many ways the teenage years were some of the worst for me because of the immense peer pressure to fit it. Im glad to say that as I got older Ďfittingí in became a lot less important.

I can totally relate to you not speaking up in class. I was virtually mute at school and only talked a little to a couple of friends that I tagged around with. I never put my hand up in class and all my school reports mentioned my quietness and lack of confidence. And in those days there wasnít any help for extremely shy people like me. I donít think the word Social Anxiety Disorder even existed - well Iíd never heard of it. And worst of all, there was no Internet, so I really did think that I was the only person in the world to feel the way that I did

Ironically, although my 14 year old is much more confident than I ever was and spends most of his time out with his mates, every year from age 4 until now, the teachers say ďHe needs to speak up in class!Ē Well, it ainít gonna happen, especially when you have a classroom full of gobby kids who always butt in and talk above everyone else!
Ahhh school days, such happy times - NOT

Iím so pleased to hear that you have supportive parents although it saddens me that you feel unable to tell them exactly how you are feeling. Honestly, your parents should be the least likely people in the world to judge you. I think you mentioned that other members of your family suffer with anxiety (sorry if I misunderstood) If so, they should be able to relate with what you are going through and want to help and support you all they can. Please donít let your fear of judgment prevent you reaching out for support from the people who love you most, notanotherone

Having someone with you when you next take the Bus sounds like a good start. Do you have a friend from school that you could go with?
Just donít leave it too long before you attempt to go into Town again because, as I said before, avoidance feeds the fear. You need to do it now rather than later, as itís all too easy to keep putting it off and thinking Iíll do it when Iím feeling less anxious because it doesnít work like that. You wonít start to feel less anxious until youíve confronted your fear over and over and taken that bus a good few times

By the way, it doesnít surprise me at all that you are studying English at a high level. Your posts here are incredibly eloquent and you are clearly extremely intelligent. Even from just the few posts youíve written on the forums I can see so much potential in you and if you seek help for your SA thereís no doubt about it, you will have a very bright future ahead of you

Take care lovely x
Hi again,

Awww, that's so kind of you. So many genuinely kind people here, it's amazing!! So thank you!!

Yeah, I know what you mean about fitting in and peer pressurre. To be honest, to me, if I fit in, I will be judged less... which I know probably isn't true but I've found myself thinking this lots of times.

I absolutely never voluntarily speak in class - perhaps privately to a teacher but I even hate doing that. Or in very small groups of people that I know well... large groups? No way. I don't do large groups. When I was in primary, one of my targets (yes we had those) was to speak more in class, and I never ever achieved that target so it kept being set and I hated it.

Yes, happy days (not!!)

Yeah, both my sisters and my dad suffered/suffer with it. My sisters are both older (18 and 19). And they're both doing great in their lives now. I mean, I do spend a lot of my time in the house alone with my parents, so lots of opportunities to talk to them - it's just getting that conversation started.

I have a couple of friends from school who I go with on the bus if I have to go. However, they all live at least a 10 minute bus journey away from me, so last time they had a day out, I actually asked my mum to drive me that 10 minutes, so I didn't have to do it myself. I feel as if I've lost my independence a bit, and I was a very very independent person for my age. (Sorry, my mum's started moving furniture out of my room, I got a bit distracted then).

I know I need to do it very soon, that's why it's kind of good that I have a holiday week so I can hopefully try to at least go once.

Thank you, a lot of people say that about me writing quite well and being quite intelligent. So thanks.

Take care!!
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Old 15th October 2017, 12:58
notanotherone02 notanotherone02 is offline
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Default Re: Judgement

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Originally Posted by gregarious_introvert
Hi notanotherone, thank you for posting about your situation; my anxiety began very early in life too (at least from my first day of school, if not earlier) so I can relate completely to everything you write - although I'm not sure I can add to the excellent responses you've had already on this thread. I will say that when I was your age (yes, I can remember that far back), I definitely wasn't out enjoying myself, I spent most of my time in my bedroom listening to records!

I will echo what has been said already about sticking with school until you've completed your exams - you've come this far, it makes sense to stick it out. Also, I know that certain things are different in Scotland, but you don't (in England anyway) have to be 16 to make an appointment with your GP - and the GP is not allowed to discuss anything with your parents without your permission!

Sorry, Muggins, you were wrong on this - will you be a witness when my indecency case comes up at Mansfield Crown Court (I feel like I should use one of those picture things at this point, but I don't understand them so I'd probably use the wrong one!)?
Hiya,

Thank you. I definitely feel less alone now after posting this.

I will definitely check the website for my GP practice again, maybe you don't have to be 16 and I've made that up in my head (quite a high chance of that lol).

Again, thank you!!
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Old 16th October 2017, 03:43
MJC MJC is offline
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Originally Posted by notanotherone02
Hey,

By the way, I read your thread, I don't know if my reply went through though as the website went all weird on me lol. Will try again!

Thank you so much for your reply again. It honestly means so much to me that people do care - I never thought that by having my little rant last night I would get such amazing support. So thank you.

I have several problems in my life - as I live in Scotland this year is the year when I will do my exams. That's just one of many problems at school (issues with certain teacher, etc). Home life is fine (what a boring word lol). I don't think I mentioned this in my original post (let me check... no I didn't) but I've had problems with anxiety since I was 9. 9!! So that's 5 long years. I had a small amount of support at that age, but it was withdrawn because, to them, I wasn't worth treating because my problems weren't bad enough... (this was CAMHS, by the way). I'm so sorry to hear about the horrible time you had at 14 as well... whoever said 'it's a difficult age' is correct. Have had issues with depression too, but the anxiety is the main problem for me.

Oh, and before you ask, I'm doing English at quite a high level so am being taught to write well lol.

Thanks for the advice re reaching out to family.

Ok, so I was 9 in 2012, so that was when the anxiety started really... and it displayed completely differently from how it does now. Basically, my worries about school lead to constant fainting, which was embarrassing... Obviously there's a lot more than that but I don't know why I was thinking about it last night... maube that it was the start of this life!

I know this post is getting long, so thank you again for replying. I'm gonna go check if my reply sent through now! Oh and P.S. my spacebar is broken so sorry for the typos.
I'm so sorry for taking so long to reply to you.

Exam time can be very stressful but you're an intelligent person so I'm sure you'll do well.

5 years is a long time to suffer. Your doctor or whoever you were dealing with when you were 9 sounds like a complete ass. Your worries and fears were causing you to faint and your treatment was withdrawn because your problems weren't bad enough That is a damned right disgrace

I see you've mentioned your dad and sisters have/had suffered from anxiety. Perhaps you could raise the subject with your dad first? Maybe try to get a conversation going then bring up his anxiety and ask how he deals or dealt with it?

I was dreadful at speaking up in class also. One time our English teacher put us in groups of 5, gave a scenario (power-plant opening nearby) then assigned us each a roll as either for or against it and to write a speech and deliver it to the entire class! Others loved their moment in the spotlight, others were a little uncomfortable and then there was me, a trembling wreck! Despite this things started well until I lost track with my notes, suffered a complete brain freeze where I couldn't remember if I was for or against, then my mind drifted to UFO's and aliens I'd seen from the sci-fi I'd watched the previous night so I began rambling about that. Once the class started their giggling I knew I'd messed up, I swore which landed me in detention and 100 lines and earned me the name "Alien" for weeks!
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Old 16th October 2017, 10:00
notanotherone02 notanotherone02 is offline
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Default Re: Judgement

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Originally Posted by MJC
I'm so sorry for taking so long to reply to you.

Exam time can be very stressful but you're an intelligent person so I'm sure you'll do well.

5 years is a long time to suffer. Your doctor or whoever you were dealing with when you were 9 sounds like a complete ass. Your worries and fears were causing you to faint and your treatment was withdrawn because your problems weren't bad enough That is a damned right disgrace

I see you've mentioned your dad and sisters have/had suffered from anxiety. Perhaps you could raise the subject with your dad first? Maybe try to get a conversation going then bring up his anxiety and ask how he deals or dealt with it?

I was dreadful at speaking up in class also. One time our English teacher put us in groups of 5, gave a scenario (power-plant opening nearby) then assigned us each a roll as either for or against it and to write a speech and deliver it to the entire class! Others loved their moment in the spotlight, others were a little uncomfortable and then there was me, a trembling wreck! Despite this things started well until I lost track with my notes, suffered a complete brain freeze where I couldn't remember if I was for or against, then my mind drifted to UFO's and aliens I'd seen from the sci-fi I'd watched the previous night so I began rambling about that. Once the class started their giggling I knew I'd messed up, I swore which landed me in detention and 100 lines and earned me the name "Alien" for weeks!
Hi again,

That's okay, thank you for getting back to me.

Yeah, I know it was terrible, and I'm actually still with the same GPs now. So, I'd be worried that they were going to do the same again. Luckily, I've stopped fainting, but...

I guess I could talk to my dad. The problem with him is that he's a very angry type who doesn't listen to a word you say... I don't think I've had a genuinely serious conversation with him in a very long time. My mum would probably listen, though, as she's who my sister's spoke to. Thank you for that advice.

Awwww, your story... that sounds like such an awful experience. We're lucky enough at my school that we've rarely had to do that... oh my god I feel so sorry for you! I would struggle to go to school after that.

I hope you're doing ok!
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Old 16th October 2017, 10:49
Muggins Muggins is offline
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^ Talking to your mum sounds like an excellent idea.
Maybe you could print off some information from this website about Social Anxiety if you think it might help her to understand better? I hope she will want to do everything she can to support you.

Take care x
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Old 16th October 2017, 10:55
notanotherone02 notanotherone02 is offline
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Default Re: Judgement

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Originally Posted by Muggins
^ Talking to your mum sounds like an excellent idea.
Maybe you could print off some information from this website about Social Anxiety if you think it might help her to understand better? I hope she will want to do everything she can to support you.

Take care x
Thank you, I might well do!!
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Old 16th October 2017, 12:55
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Originally Posted by notanotherone02
Hi again,

That's okay, thank you for getting back to me.

Yeah, I know it was terrible, and I'm actually still with the same GPs now. So, I'd be worried that they were going to do the same again. Luckily, I've stopped fainting, but...

I guess I could talk to my dad. The problem with him is that he's a very angry type who doesn't listen to a word you say... I don't think I've had a genuinely serious conversation with him in a very long time. My mum would probably listen, though, as she's who my sister's spoke to. Thank you for that advice.

Awwww, your story... that sounds like such an awful experience. We're lucky enough at my school that we've rarely had to do that... oh my god I feel so sorry for you! I would struggle to go to school after that.

I hope you're doing ok!
Hey,

It's no wonder you don't like the idea of going to your doctor and unfortunately you can't move to a new practice on your own until you become an adult.

OK so maybe not your dad then - definitely your mum then, unless you'd feel more confident in confiding in one of your sisters? They've both been sufferers of anxiety in the past so they'll definitely be able to assist you with advice and perhaps be there to raise the problem with your mum...

I know you'd said you had problems with depression in the past. Did you ever get any form of treatment or counselling for this?

yes it was very awkward and I felt like a complete failure at that time. Now that I'm older I can actually look back and see the funny side a little because I know its all in the past. And I have no contact with anyone from my school days.
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Old 16th October 2017, 13:52
Hayman Hayman is offline
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Hello @notanotherone02 and welcome to the forum! There's no real need to be scared posting here as many of us can relate to one another. It's one place where I know I can largely open up and speak what's on my mind Ė rather than having to bottle it all up, knowing how others will treat me.

I don't really know when my social anxiety actually started. I knew I was a bit shy when I was about 5/6 years old. I think it become apparent there was something more to it when I got to around 12 years old.

I've never really been good in crowds of people, although over the years I feel as though I'm making improvements. The weird thing about me is that Iím fine when I'm with family members. Away from them? That's when the struggle and mild panic sets in. I can fight against it and for a certain period of time I can get away with it but it inevitably catches up with me and I feel exhausted.

It's similar to going out for social events. Whilst I once struggled to hide this fear and said "no" on plenty of occasions in my younger days, I started to ramp up my efforts despite these 'alarm bells' when I got to about 25Öand then I stepped it up another gear from around 29. I'm now 32 and I think I'm about at the end of this current 'phase' of making effort. I've gained a thicker skin from it, but none of the lifetime progressions that it rewards to others... A hollow victory in my eyes.

Sadly I can't really offer much in the way of advice or an answer as to how I've managed to make these small but noticeable improvements in recent years. I think I eventually grew fed up of other peopleís criticisms and to make a point that I can go out (but I'd rather not for various reasons), I literally forced myself out of my comfort zone. Over and over again. In many cases the same old fears and problems were merely confirmed but I can't deny there has been snippets from those experiences which shown me certain things aren't as bad as they once appeared to me back in my younger days. I am, for sure, a little more confident in going out alone Ė although I'd still rather not bother as I know it offers no benefit to me in the way I want it to.

You could say it's been a form of 'exposure therapy' but doing it under my own steam and following my own set of rules and guidelines that I know I can occasionally push Ė rather than seeing medical professionals who based on my own experience set the bar miles too high right from the start. That might work for someone whoís fallen off the horse and needs a bit of guidance but itís of little use to someone who needs to be guided onto the horse in the first placeÖ

I can relate to your issue with buses. I went through an embarrassing experience on a bus back in 2000, when I was heading home from school. I don't want to go into detail but letís just say it involved further false accusations from the girls (also from school, joining the bus) about myself. This resulted in me walking home from school, which was about a mile and a half, every day, for the remainder of the year I was there. Oh yes Ė this was a less painful situation even with my arthritis, than it was running the risk of dealing with that situation again. Infact, to this day I've never set foot on a local bus again.

Anyway, I wish you all the very best on this journey! You certainly aren't alone out thereÖ
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Old 16th October 2017, 14:33
notanotherone02 notanotherone02 is offline
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Default Re: Judgement

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Originally Posted by MJC
Hey,

It's no wonder you don't like the idea of going to your doctor and unfortunately you can't move to a new practice on your own until you become an adult.

OK so maybe not your dad then - definitely your mum then, unless you'd feel more confident in confiding in one of your sisters? They've both been sufferers of anxiety in the past so they'll definitely be able to assist you with advice and perhaps be there to raise the problem with your mum...

I know you'd said you had problems with depression in the past. Did you ever get any form of treatment or counselling for this?

yes it was very awkward and I felt like a complete failure at that time. Now that I'm older I can actually look back and see the funny side a little because I know its all in the past. And I have no contact with anyone from my school days.
Hey,

Yeah, in Scotland (idk if England is the same) you have to be 16 to register at a new practice. Some doctors at mine are better than others - some literally just sit there and dish out medications like there's no tomorrow.

Yeah, I guess I could talk to my sisters... one of them (the older one) is the same as my dad and I've already had a row with her today and it's only 2:30 lol so probably not her. The younger one though is much more understanding.

Yeah, I know what you mean about being to able to see the funny side of past events. At the time they're far from funny (just embarrassing) but afterwards they're a bit easier to think about.Never had any treatment no, because I was too scared again. Was probably just a "side effect of puberty" because I was around 12.

Again, thank you for replying!!
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Old 16th October 2017, 14:43
notanotherone02 notanotherone02 is offline
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Originally Posted by Hayman
Hello @notanotherone02 and welcome to the forum! There's no real need to be scared posting here as many of us can relate to one another. It's one place where I know I can largely open up and speak what's on my mind Ė rather than having to bottle it all up, knowing how others will treat me.

I don't really know when my social anxiety actually started. I knew I was a bit shy when I was about 5/6 years old. I think it become apparent there was something more to it when I got to around 12 years old.

I've never really been good in crowds of people, although over the years I feel as though I'm making improvements. The weird thing about me is that Iím fine when I'm with family members. Away from them? That's when the struggle and mild panic sets in. I can fight against it and for a certain period of time I can get away with it but it inevitably catches up with me and I feel exhausted.

It's similar to going out for social events. Whilst I once struggled to hide this fear and said "no" on plenty of occasions in my younger days, I started to ramp up my efforts despite these 'alarm bells' when I got to about 25Öand then I stepped it up another gear from around 29. I'm now 32 and I think I'm about at the end of this current 'phase' of making effort. I've gained a thicker skin from it, but none of the lifetime progressions that it rewards to others... A hollow victory in my eyes.

Sadly I can't really offer much in the way of advice or an answer as to how I've managed to make these small but noticeable improvements in recent years. I think I eventually grew fed up of other peopleís criticisms and to make a point that I can go out (but I'd rather not for various reasons), I literally forced myself out of my comfort zone. Over and over again. In many cases the same old fears and problems were merely confirmed but I can't deny there has been snippets from those experiences which shown me certain things aren't as bad as they once appeared to me back in my younger days. I am, for sure, a little more confident in going out alone Ė although I'd still rather not bother as I know it offers no benefit to me in the way I want it to.

You could say it's been a form of 'exposure therapy' but doing it under my own steam and following my own set of rules and guidelines that I know I can occasionally push Ė rather than seeing medical professionals who based on my own experience set the bar miles too high right from the start. That might work for someone whoís fallen off the horse and needs a bit of guidance but itís of little use to someone who needs to be guided onto the horse in the first placeÖ

I can relate to your issue with buses. I went through an embarrassing experience on a bus back in 2000, when I was heading home from school. I don't want to go into detail but letís just say it involved further false accusations from the girls (also from school, joining the bus) about myself. This resulted in me walking home from school, which was about a mile and a half, every day, for the remainder of the year I was there. Oh yes Ė this was a less painful situation even with my arthritis, than it was running the risk of dealing with that situation again. Infact, to this day I've never set foot on a local bus again.

Anyway, I wish you all the very best on this journey! You certainly aren't alone out thereÖ
Hey, thank you for welcoming me and reassuring me about posting. I'm so glad I found this place! And I found it by complete chance.

It's really great to hear your success story. I'm so glad that what you did worked for you and that you're doing a lot better now. The success stories are what keep me going so thatnk you for sharing!

I have to get a bus to and from school everyday because it's 10 miles away and my parents both work. At least it's not a public bus. But that bus is almost as bad as the public ones for me. Just have to put my earphones in and stare at my screen for half an hour to take my focus off of the other's around me.

Best of luck to you too, I hope things continue to improve!
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  #23  
Old 16th October 2017, 15:18
MJC MJC is offline
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Hey,

Yeah, in Scotland (idk if England is the same) you have to be 16 to register at a new practice. Some doctors at mine are better than others - some literally just sit there and dish out medications like there's no tomorrow.

Yeah, I guess I could talk to my sisters... one of them (the older one) is the same as my dad and I've already had a row with her today and it's only 2:30 lol so probably not her. The younger one though is much more understanding.

Yeah, I know what you mean about being to able to see the funny side of past events. At the time they're far from funny (just embarrassing) but afterwards they're a bit easier to think about.Never had any treatment no, because I was too scared again. Was probably just a "side effect of puberty" because I was around 12.

Again, thank you for replying!!
Not sure what its like for England either as I live in Northern Ireland and I believe its 16 here also.

I've just registered with a new practice more local to where I'm living now and got a consultation with them tomorrow. Its probably more a health check up thing but I hope to raise the subject with a doctor there (if its not damaged with incoming Ophelia )

Yeah try and raise the subject with your sister. Again your family should be looking out for you and I guarantee you that once you've talked them about it and how it makes you feel etc you'll look back and think to yourself (that wasn't as bad as I thought it would be)
I was told by one of my counsellors that 90% of the things we worry about never actually happen. It can mean very little in some circumstances but I do try and think on this at times when I feel my mind whirling.

It's quite possible you may have mild depression. If you want try and do this short depression test and report back with the results.

https://psymed.info/clinical-depression-test

Take care, Scottish Queen

*Just noticed that site also has a Social Anxiety Test too*
https://psymed.info/social-anxiety-test
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  #24  
Old 16th October 2017, 19:17
notanotherone02 notanotherone02 is offline
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Default Re: Judgement

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Originally Posted by MJC
Not sure what its like for England either as I live in Northern Ireland and I believe its 16 here also.

I've just registered with a new practice more local to where I'm living now and got a consultation with them tomorrow. Its probably more a health check up thing but I hope to raise the subject with a doctor there (if its not damaged with incoming Ophelia )

Yeah try and raise the subject with your sister. Again your family should be looking out for you and I guarantee you that once you've talked them about it and how it makes you feel etc you'll look back and think to yourself (that wasn't as bad as I thought it would be)
I was told by one of my counsellors that 90% of the things we worry about never actually happen. It can mean very little in some circumstances but I do try and think on this at times when I feel my mind whirling.

It's quite possible you may have mild depression. If you want try and do this short depression test and report back with the results.

https://psymed.info/clinical-depression-test

Take care, Scottish Queen

*Just noticed that site also has a Social Anxiety Test too*
https://psymed.info/social-anxiety-test
Hey,

You're Irish? That's cool. Please stay safe, I've just seen the strength of Ophelia over there on Reporting Scotland. We're nowhere near as bad where I am. Hope you can get to the appointment and that it goes well.

Aww, that's a really interesting stat actually, good one to remember. 90% is very high and reassuring.

Thanks for the links, will definitely check those out.

You take care too!
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  #25  
Old 16th October 2017, 22:18
MJC MJC is offline
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Default Re: Judgement

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Originally Posted by notanotherone02
Hey,

You're Irish? That's cool. Please stay safe, I've just seen the strength of Ophelia over there on Reporting Scotland. We're nowhere near as bad where I am. Hope you can get to the appointment and that it goes well.

Aww, that's a really interesting stat actually, good one to remember. 90% is very high and reassuring.

Thanks for the links, will definitely check those out.

You take care too!
Hey you,

Well technically I don't know what the heck I am lol. A British Irishman with issues

Turns out Ophelia must have skipped my town entirely The odd gust but nothing damaging.

Yeah check out the links and see what you get. I got "suffering severe social anxiety and mild depression"
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  #26  
Old 16th October 2017, 23:03
notanotherone02 notanotherone02 is offline
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Default Re: Judgement

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Originally Posted by MJC
Hey you,

Well technically I don't know what the heck I am lol. A British Irishman with issues

Turns out Ophelia must have skipped my town entirely The odd gust but nothing damaging.

Yeah check out the links and see what you get. I got "suffering severe social anxiety and mild depression"
Oh, glad it's not too bad where you are. Forecast to get kinda bad here...

Will do, thanks.
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  #27  
Old 16th October 2017, 23:16
MJC MJC is offline
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Originally Posted by notanotherone02
Oh, glad it's not too bad where you are. Forecast to get kinda bad here...

Will do, thanks.
Yeah she's making her way towards Scotland. Yep, looks like Southern Scotland could be in for strong winds. I hope it won't be too bad where you are. Stay safe.
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  #28  
Old 17th October 2017, 00:03
notanotherone02 notanotherone02 is offline
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Default Re: Judgement

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Originally Posted by MJC
Yeah she's making her way towards Scotland. Yep, looks like Southern Scotland could be in for strong winds. I hope it won't be too bad where you are. Stay safe.
Oh crap!! Southern Scotland...

Thanks.
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  #29  
Old 17th October 2017, 18:17
MJC MJC is offline
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Oh crap!! Southern Scotland...

Thanks.
Well, did you survive Ophelia?
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  #30  
Old 17th October 2017, 18:34
notanotherone02 notanotherone02 is offline
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Default Re: Judgement

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Well, did you survive Ophelia?
Yeah we did thanks, wasn't actually too bad here either.
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