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  #1  
Old 12th October 2017, 10:14
Captain Crunch Captain Crunch is offline
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Default I want to go and I don't want to go

I'm a member of a discussion forum, and there have been a few meet-ups that I've attended and made some good friends. I used to really enjoy them but since being made redundant from work a few years ago, my SA has gone into overdrive and I now have real problems with large social groups. (By 'large' I mean anything more than about two others). I've attended two meet-ups since my redundancy and both times I've felt very uncomfortable and made excuses to leave early. There's another one planned for the end of November, and while I'd dearly love to see them all, I'm scared that I'll freak out and leave early again. I've kept my options open by responding in a non-committal way to the invite, but my gut feeling is that I won't go.

This really sucks that I can't enjoy social events like others seem to do effortlessly. I'm withdrawing more and more from social activities and becoming somewhat of a recluse.
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  #2  
Old 12th October 2017, 10:40
gregarious_introvert gregarious_introvert is offline
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Default Re: I want to go and I don't want to go

You say that you've made good friends within the group, so could you ask one of those friends to meet you beforehand, so you didn't have to arrive alone? If so, would that help?

I had a similar situation to yours (except that I didn't have the option of a social group back then) in that after losing my job, I found myself leaving the house less frequently until I became agoraphobic; these days, I do get out more frequently (thanks to meetup) but it is often a struggle to do so (more so if I have a couple of days when I don't go out).

If you're anything like me, the longer you leave it between social engagements, the harder it will become; I hope you're able to make it to the event.
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  #3  
Old 12th October 2017, 18:34
Captain Crunch Captain Crunch is offline
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Default Re: I want to go and I don't want to go

Quote:
Originally Posted by gregarious_introvert
You say that you've made good friends within the group, so could you ask one of those friends to meet you beforehand, so you didn't have to arrive alone? If so, would that help?

I had a similar situation to yours (except that I didn't have the option of a social group back then) in that after losing my job, I found myself leaving the house less frequently until I became agoraphobic; these days, I do get out more frequently (thanks to meetup) but it is often a struggle to do so (more so if I have a couple of days when I don't go out).

If you're anything like me, the longer you leave it between social engagements, the harder it will become; I hope you're able to make it to the event.
Thanks for your reply GI.

Arriving alone doesn't faze me, it's the actual socialising with a group that I have problems with. I agree with you that it gets more difficult the longer one leaves it between engagements. I've got a good incentive to attend this upcoming meet-up as I'll at least know everyone there and I'd really like to see them. This sharply contrasts with parties, birthdays and weddings where I generally only know a small fraction of the attenders. Those are almost impossible for me to deal with. At the moment I feel that I will go to the meet-up, but as the date approaches that might change.

I'm delighted to hear that you're getting out more these days. I understand the struggle that must be but I hope you're enjoying the experience.
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Old 13th October 2017, 14:59
Velcro-Touch Velcro-Touch is offline
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Default Re: I want to go and I don't want to go

You should definitely go if you can it'll do you good and you'll regret it if you don't.

If you have to leave early although not ideal it's not the end of the world. People on Meetup groups come and go all the time, it's very casual in my experience.

Try to get out a few times before the Meetup to 'practice' and read up on techniques to keep yourself calm when you're there.

I joined Meetup in march and now go to a group up to 3 times a week confidence is high and I now don't care about things that used to make me ill with worry

What kind of Meetup is it just a get together for drinks or.....?
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  #5  
Old 13th October 2017, 19:54
Captain Crunch Captain Crunch is offline
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Default Re: I want to go and I don't want to go

Quote:
Originally Posted by Velcro-Touch
You should definitely go if you can it'll do you good and you'll regret it if you don't.

If you have to leave early although not ideal it's not the end of the world. People on Meetup groups come and go all the time, it's very casual in my experience.

Try to get out a few times before the Meetup to 'practice' and read up on techniques to keep yourself calm when you're there.

I joined Meetup in march and now go to a group up to 3 times a week confidence is high and I now don't care about things that used to make me ill with worry

What kind of Meetup is it just a get together for drinks or.....?
Hi Velcro,

The meet-up I've been invited to isn't a Meetup meet-up (if you get my meaning). It's just a get-together of a few discussion forum members.

It's just a drinkie with a meal. The people are very pleasant and I really would like to see them again. It's just my SA and the fear of 'losing it' on the night that's making me hesitant. I've got a few weeks to decide though. ATM I think I will go. You're absolutely right, I will regret it if I don't.

I'm delighted that Meetup has helped you and you're now more confident. How did you find the courage to attend initially? At least my engagement is with folk I know. Meeting strangers is part of the advanced course for me I think .
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  #6  
Old 13th October 2017, 20:44
Velcro-Touch Velcro-Touch is offline
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Default Re: I want to go and I don't want to go

Quote:
Originally Posted by Captain Crunch
Hi Velcro,

The meet-up I've been invited to isn't a Meetup meet-up (if you get my meaning). It's just a get-together of a few discussion forum members.

It's just a drinkie with a meal. The people are very pleasant and I really would like to see them again. It's just my SA and the fear of 'losing it' on the night that's making me hesitant. I've got a few weeks to decide though. ATM I think I will go. You're absolutely right, I will regret it if I don't.

I'm delighted that Meetup has helped you and you're now more confident. How did you find the courage to attend initially? At least my engagement is with folk I know. Meeting strangers is part of the advanced course for me I think .
You'll most likely be fine just a little bit uncomfortable, having to leave will knock your confidence but it's not the end of the world, just stick in there anxiety should ease as the night goes on especially if you're occupied talking to people.

About a year ago I made a conscious effort to battle my sa through exposure I was sick of it holding me back.

I found meet up I didn't really need a lot of courage to go to the group because it's something I enjoy, what took more courage was going for good and drinks afterwards the first few times I went straight home but after a few times I became more comfortable and started hanging out with them after the fitness class.

I now hang out with them outside of the Meetup group get invited to parties and trips away up north with them (sadly was unable to attend that because of work) but at least I get invited.

I used to hate eating out it made me feel sick to my stomach with anxiety I also had zero female friends and would never talk to women socially now I sit with girls for a few hours chatting over food and drinks. I will even intentionally sit next to the hottest girls who I don't know well to challenge myself get used to socialising with strangers particularly ones who would make me shy or nervous. I'm kind of practicing for dating.
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