SAUK Discussion Board

Go Back   SAUK Discussion Board > Social Anxiety Discussions > The Social Anxiety Room
Join! Blogs FAQ Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Notices

Reply  Post New Thread
 
Thread Tools
  #1  
Old 6th October 2017, 23:10
abc abc is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 22
Default Becoming a completely different person

.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 7th October 2017, 10:11
Carbon(cycle)Fodder Carbon(cycle)Fodder is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Strathclyde
Posts: 4,486

Mood
Tired

Default Re: Becoming a completely different person

Why not simply become an observer of yourself?
That way you're not actually 'being' yourself, you're simply observing,
When observing, the key is not to interfere, simply observe impartially and objectively, as if it's not even you, but someone else,
If you interfere and choose what you like and don't like and change behaviour then you've identified and 'become' yourself again,
the key is, to be an impartial observer of your thoughts, movements, ideas, feelings,
Watch the way you talk, the things you say, but don't interfere,
Watch and observe as an impartial stranger would,

I think it's a good way to get some distance from yourself and stop identifying with who you think you are,
I think we're all so identified with ourselves, and that can cause problems,
Being too identified with who or what we believe we are can cause a lot of grief.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 7th October 2017, 12:33
lone*star lone*star is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Norwich
Posts: 582

Mood
Mellow

Default Re: Becoming a completely different person

Quote:
Originally Posted by Carbon(cycle)Fodder
I think we're all so identified with ourselves, and that can cause problems,
Being too identified with who or what we believe we are can cause a lot of grief.

That has to be understatement of the year!

I'd even go as far as to say that all the grief in the world can be traced back to one simple, fundamental, primary belief: "I am this body."

In fact that basic, single belief is so powerful and well established among our race, that to even question its validity, you are seen by many as some kind of nut case.
And yet there's not a shred of evidence, scientific or otherwise, by which it can be verified. It's just a belief. So who's the nut case?


Quote:
Why not simply become an observer of yourself?
That way you're not actually 'being' yourself, you're simply observing,

I agree that this is a good first step in the right direction, and of course it's the basis for the increasingly popular 'mindfulness' movement also.

The question I have about it is this: Is it powerful enough to have the desired effect?

Wouldn't this 'impartial observer' eventually just take on an identity of his or her own; so that, in time, we would see our self as being this observer; that the observer itself would simply take over personal responsibility for our own existing identity and problems - which would then surely defeat the object?
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 7th October 2017, 15:54
biscuits biscuits is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: in the tin.
Posts: 12,206
Default Re: Becoming a completely different person

I hope you change your mind on the whole self-acceptance not being important thing.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 7th October 2017, 16:13
Ajax Amsterdam Ajax Amsterdam is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Liverpool
Posts: 5,220

Mood
Sunshine

Default Re: Becoming a completely different person

Quote:
Originally Posted by abc
How does one go about it?
If you want to retain your sanity; you don't.

The plastic surgery route is just a way of trying to solve a psychological issue with a physical / medical procedure. If we look at the kinds of people out there (in the public eye) who try this route we see that road littered with casualties damaged both inside and out. The need for yet more 'fixes' remains, because the next 'fix' will always be the one that sorts the problem. Thing is, it never does, because the real issue is in the mind and not of the body. It's psychological rather than physical.

If you have no interest in self-acceptance then you will always suffer psychologically. You will always have inner conflicts and turmoil. We can never become someone else. All we can do is improve the person we are. Improve our outlook. Act in ways we feel are right. We all have the power to change how we act if we feel we are acting in a way incongruent with our values. You cannot become someone else, but you can certainly act differently if you feel doing so is appropriate.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 7th October 2017, 16:19
Muggins Muggins is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,679
Default Re: Becoming a completely different person

Iím so sorry that you are feeling so desperate abc.
It saddens me that you donít see yourself through the eyes of many of the folk here who enjoy your intelligent and thoughtful posts and have seen the photos youíve shared in the past of a normal nice looking young man.

I donít think changing things about yourself that you donít like, such as your physical appearance, is going to change the way that you feel about yourself. I may be wrong, but I think the self rejection is going to still be there.

For me, the answer lies in self acceptance. This isnít the same as saying (perhaps you would say Ďdeludingí yourself) that youíre a wonderful human being inside and out but more about accepting yourself unconditionally - warts and all. Which I do know is a lot easier said than done!

Iím sorry I havenít got anything more helpful to say.

I truly hope that you find some peace of mind abc x
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 7th October 2017, 16:22
Muggins Muggins is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,679
Default Re: Becoming a completely different person

^^ Oops you beat me to it Ajax
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 7th October 2017, 16:39
Ajax Amsterdam Ajax Amsterdam is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Liverpool
Posts: 5,220

Mood
Sunshine

Default Re: Becoming a completely different person

^
Looks like we were typing quite similar posrts at the same time.
I agree with everything you said there. Self-acceptance (different to deluding oneself or resigning oneself) is a far more workable avenue to trying to become something we are not. Trying to be someone else just leads to a whole heap of personal conflict and turmoil.

I can empathise with abc to a point here, although I clearly cannot fully appreciate just what he's going through with this. I used to loathe every pore of my own being. All I was, I didn't want to be. All I wanted to be, I felt I couldn't. That's a painful place to reside, but I managed to come through by self-acceptance and a bit of self-compassion rather than trying to divorce myself from myself. I think there is a lot to be said for learning to accept what cannot be changed, but also working on what can. Within that, we can eventually find some kind of reasonable, workable balance, and also a little peace of mind.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 7th October 2017, 17:40
lone*star lone*star is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Norwich
Posts: 582

Mood
Mellow

Default Re: Becoming a completely different person

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ajax Amsterdam
Self-acceptance (different to deluding oneself or resigning oneself) is a far more workable avenue to trying to become something we are not. Trying to be someone else just leads to a whole heap of personal conflict and turmoil.

But how can we accept something we don't know? And why should we? All we know about ourselves is what has been imposed on us from outside of ourselves - for example, our physical attractiveness, personality, desirability etc are all completely relative and subjective - there's nothing real about them. As a result, most people are living completely deluded lives - we haven't got a clue as to who we are, or who anyone else is either, and our lives are lived accordingly. Yes, you can accept that not knowing to some extent but, as I said, you can't accept something you're not aware of. 'Self-acceptance' is therefore merely a socially acceptable pipe dream to calm the troublesome ego.


Quote:
I think there is a lot to be said for learning to accept what cannot be changed, but also working on what can. Within that, we can eventually find some kind of reasonable, workable balance, and also a little peace of mind.

Life doesn't know 'reasonable' or 'workable'. Life is harsh, wild, in yer face, inexplicable and utterly mysterious - there's nothing to hold on to. The only 'balance' in life is seen in nature itself. So if it's balance you're after, best to align yourself with reality, rather than trying to change, control and manipulate everything to suit your own personal needs and desires [which I notice you sneakily translate as one's 'values' in life - nice one. ] Then you might find some peace of mind - but that will be the real thing, rather than something you've knocked up yourself.
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 7th October 2017, 18:20
Dean Dean is offline
Global Moderator
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 1,444
Default Re: Becoming a completely different person

First you need to decide who you want to be. It's no good just saying "I don't know who I want to be, I just know I don't want to be me" because your energies will not be directed in any one direction consistently enough in order to achieve anything significant.

Once you decide, start doing what is necessary to build on that which will make you more in sync with your ideals.

Find people who inspire you and encourage you (if that helps). Seek out sources of information that once studied and applied will make you more effective and use your imagination to figure out how you might arrive at where you want to be.

If something isn't working, ask why and be as objective as you can about it. Sometimes this will be the hardest thing to do, because it could mean having to admit that a very inconvenient course of action may now be necessary in order to remain true, but that's the only way you'll ever have a difficulty out in the open so that it can be addressed and resolved.

Strive to be an addresser of challenges, not somebody who sweeps their problems under the carpet.

Drastic change requires drastic action, so be prepared to work hard and make long-term choices/plans.

Generate all of your available smarts to the situations at hand and try not to make rash, unhealthy decisions. Be wary of tricks, falseness or of self-sabotage.

When you start realising your goals and ambitions, connect and relate them to yourself. Tell yourself that you're an achiever and that hard work does pay off. It's important to build your self-esteem up along the way so that when slumps come you will be able to recover from them better.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools

Forum Jump


All times are GMT +1. The time now is 05:26.


SAUK Award
Logo designed by abc
Powered by vBulletin
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.