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An update

Posted 21st December 2021 at 10:04 by Alone.

As of today I actually quit my job after 3 months. I think that my decision was quite impulsive and I should’ve waited till I really found something better. On the other hand actually quitting my job triggered a lot of thoughts that I feel I may have not had if I didn’t quit in this manner. So in another sense it feels like maybe things were meant to go this way.

For example my job involved setting up meeting rooms in hotels and being a waiter for certain events, helping serve drinks during meetings/events, sell drinks before certain dining events. As someone who didn’t ever really drink, this was something quite new to me, I didn’t even know the names of drinks. I think it made me have a more open minded view of alcohol although now I want to drink it on occasion, I don’t think I would like to drink it too much. At work as well on occasion there is leftover alcohol which I did drink and once got tipsy.

This job has made me question some of my values and whether or not they are really values or something else to maintain my ego, control?

Although I quit keto before I started this job I have thought a lot of how keto would be really hard to maintain on this job I just quit. We got free canteen meals everyday although it was really repetitive, usually always curry and rice. In some meetings they had leftover fruit and cookies, sometimes wines, really sweet snacks. I think for me it would be hard to be keto. That said I think for now I’m more open minded to eating stuff in moderation, feel less need to try to be healthy due to this job. I’m not against eating healthily or even trying keto again although I feel like if I were to try it again it would need to come from a more genuine place and less out of a place of fear and control of that made sense. It has made me question some health gurus I see on social media, not be against them but question there reasons for the interests.

My shifts were also usually 40 to 50 hours a week usually starting at 3pm, although Saturdays I would do 12+ hour shifts and occasionally we would do overtime where we finish 2 or 3am. I was told though that pre pandemic they were busier and it wasn’t rare to finish 5 or 6am sometimes when I’m guessing they would’ve started 3pm. Managers also got salary paid but not paid for overtime which I think is a scam.

In the past this would’ve challenged my beliefs in getting 8 hours of sleep although brief periods of insomnia at the job before this one already challenged this belief so I think it wasn’t as big of an issue. I actually had no sleep problems in this job, I think this was because I woke up late most days as I started in the afternoons. Maybe I’m naturally a night owl. But the getting home after midnight to get to work for 11am the next day was depressing.

I also felt like I didn’t have a life outside of work. I dressed the same literally everyday as I was usually going work and the uniform was smart and didn’t show dirt so that was convenient. But it also felt like it was too much of the same thing I wasn’t expressing myself??? The canteen food was nice and convenient but also felt like something else less in my control. I think my life felt like it wasn’t in my control maybe. I notice I have a big need for control, maybe it’s unhealthy.

But quitting has made me question stuff. I now think that it is actually hard to really dislike something, we have reasons for disliking something but we don’t actually dislike the thing. We dislike the thing because it triggers emotions or feelings that we are uncomfortable with. This actually goes back to serving alcohol and the sweet foods, being surrounded by them I can actually understand now why someone may enjoy drinking because they are so exposed to it that they don’t think about the health consequences so just end up drinking with friends without thinking of the health implications. The same goes for things like football. I’m not into it but I think that is because I didn’t grow up around people who were into football and I wasn’t good at it at school although I think with practice I could be decent at it. I’ve noticed that I learn slowly but when I have learnt I’m not that bad at the activity a lot of times. I also think I process things slowly although I can be quick at a few things.

UPDATE: I had a Christmas dinner at restaurants with my former team coworkers. We got drunk, I think I was tipsy, my first time feeling a bit uncoordinated but fully conscious I think. We drank lots of beer, I didn’t drink all of my beer though then red wine, shots of some 20 year old alcohol that apparently has the name burning water but in Portuguese I think.

Some Co workers started to shit talk the management at the company and express lots of frustrations about the job. It was actually relatable. One guy was also speaking down on an outgoing coworker quite a bit but he was drunk. I asked my manager if I could join back but also said about how I wanted to build my skills so said that I may leave soon. I don’t know if he would accept but either way I guess it’s fine. I think I have some clarity that I need to build or gain skills so I’m not always stuck in the cycle of low skilled jobs.
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