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"Moving out can be lonely." Well my house isn't exactly what I would call warm and ..

Posted 7th September 2014 at 23:25 by iTz0kt0Bu


This weekend hasn't been the worst, although I do feel most weekends I have can be better. It's just as if how I spend my weekends can be alright but it's hardly ever good enough to feel satisfactory to me.

I jogged in the park on Saturday, not my first time, but it felt like my most successful jog as anxiety didn't control it and so I did what I should have. After the jog I was less nervous and felt good about doing it, now my legs feel sore. But although I felt the jogging went well the rest of my Saturday was empty. So I filled it with internets.

Here is why my home is not really warm. As soon as my sister got up she didn't go in the living room like she would if it was empty. She spends all her time on the internet. My mum never seems just chilled and always asks for something to do with money. So as a result I also feel I don't like spending time around my mum and stay in my bedroom all day. Not exactly interactive is it. I don't feel like going too much into the situation.

Today I brought some new clothes, although I liked getting the clothes, it doesn't feel satisfying when the only reason I go out is to get something. I would love to have deeper, more meaningful places to go.

The situation at work of feeling I'm judged as boring, weird and in a simplistic manner luckily isn't ruining my weekend. But I have caught myself feeling angry in public when I have the thought in my mind. Today, although buying clothes didn't feel fully satisfying it was fun looking at the clothes and choosing. I was kinda connecting the clothes with identity, self image in my mind, I don't know if that is weird but it did make me feel like I don't need to be how I feel certain colleagues expect me to be. Watching a gay vlogger as well reminded me to not forget who I am and what I believe in, it's funny how work culture or just society can influence you.

But I do think, if I am being honest, that I am not satisfied spending weekends in my bedroom on my phone. I want to live, gain experience, learn productive things. I do think, despite my colleagues repeat reactions towards me not watching a popular film and how they treat me sometimes annoying me; I do think that my reaction is partly based on the fact of not feeling comfortable with myself sometimes and not feeling satisfied with my life.

To be honest, although I know my family is poor, I don't feel too bothered helping my mum that much financially. I know that sounds bad but I honestly feel utterly sick of my mum always complaining she has no money. I feel I have my own problems to deal with and honestly I would just like if I could relax, feel content now and again presently. And ENJOY MYSELF, here is why I don't like living at home.

To make friends, find out things I like outside, I guess I need to go out more meet ppeople, find out about groups and stuff.
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