On Feeling Disliked
Posted 30th October 2014 at 00:28 by Alone.
Today I remember two instances where I felt disliked. A caller at work seeming to hang up on me, I don't know if that was due to how I communicated and the Tesco shopkeeper who I think seems to dislike me for some reason. And in my Office I don't feel as cool or respected as my other colleagues by the people in the Chinese Office next door to us. They don't seem even 1% interested in me, although I do get on well worth one of my colleagues at least.
Luckily today aalthough feeling disliked made my anxiety rise for a moment to the point I felt ashamed to show my face; I did think about the two situations. Usually when I'm disliked I feel like I must have a problem and even if I feel I'm being judged, because I feel I have a problem so I become very afraid of confrontation. But with the call, I was doing my job and with the shopkeeper, I guess it's not me controlling her and even if she really does dislike me it shouldn't be a big deal although if I'm honest it does feel like a big deal, especially as she seems to get on with my colleagues they talk about her in a very positive way.
I think that it's time for me to stop seeking acceptance from strangers who don't know about me. To be honest, although work is by no means perfect I do think it has given me some confidence cause it has shown me I am able. It also give me vision as some money gives me the means to do more. Sometimes I feel I am judged on my SA, even by some people on the street and I used to listen to people who seemed to judge me on my SA and passiveness, this just led to me closing in and feeling frustrated. But after going to a barber who didn't seem to listen to me or take me serious, probably cause of my body language, I have decided to not just take feeling disliked or disrespected as me having issues. And at the end of the day, I am going to always be in my body have to live with myself if I do have some problems so why allow myself to feel like shit.
It feels like the blog might appear like I think everyone is against me. I don't, but maybe I am not around the right people enough to not care much about dislike from strangers. I literally don't communicate with anyone really outside of my workplace.
Luckily today aalthough feeling disliked made my anxiety rise for a moment to the point I felt ashamed to show my face; I did think about the two situations. Usually when I'm disliked I feel like I must have a problem and even if I feel I'm being judged, because I feel I have a problem so I become very afraid of confrontation. But with the call, I was doing my job and with the shopkeeper, I guess it's not me controlling her and even if she really does dislike me it shouldn't be a big deal although if I'm honest it does feel like a big deal, especially as she seems to get on with my colleagues they talk about her in a very positive way.
I think that it's time for me to stop seeking acceptance from strangers who don't know about me. To be honest, although work is by no means perfect I do think it has given me some confidence cause it has shown me I am able. It also give me vision as some money gives me the means to do more. Sometimes I feel I am judged on my SA, even by some people on the street and I used to listen to people who seemed to judge me on my SA and passiveness, this just led to me closing in and feeling frustrated. But after going to a barber who didn't seem to listen to me or take me serious, probably cause of my body language, I have decided to not just take feeling disliked or disrespected as me having issues. And at the end of the day, I am going to always be in my body have to live with myself if I do have some problems so why allow myself to feel like shit.
It feels like the blog might appear like I think everyone is against me. I don't, but maybe I am not around the right people enough to not care much about dislike from strangers. I literally don't communicate with anyone really outside of my workplace.
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