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Lonely? Desperate? Get Lost!

Posted 28th July 2015 at 13:07 by indigo777

I hear the advice often of making sure you don’t come across as too desperate, too eager to other people. Yet of course in the wonderful world of internet advice hypocrisy you also get the advice almost ad infinitum of feel the fear and do it anyway, force yourself to go out to everything, keep trying to talk to people at every chance.(so you appear desperate to people!) It’s hardly surprising it gets confusing then. Of course being too desperate shows that there is something wrong with you and as previously stated by me many times before humans are nothing more than an animal and evolution moulded us to avoid faulty people. Don’t appear desperate is usually in relation to dating but also applies to friendships as all the cool kids hang out together at school and the freaks and weirdos are excluded or if they are lucky form a loony alliance of nerds and geeks just like in the sitcom, the Big Bang theory. Of course in the real world they don’t have a hot female neighbour next door who befriends them.

One aspect of appearing too desperate is losing your dignity. I am quite honestly still embarrassed at some of the friends I had at school and especially at work. It’s like I mixed with anyone who would talk to me as that was better than being alone. I think a lot of girls do this with relationships and they go out with any man who chats them up so the are not alone and then end up with assholes. When I look back they all befriended me first as they were the talkative types. For instance two quiet people never talk to each other so never make friends even if compatible which is why its so hard to make friends on an anxiety forum plus half the people here are just here to find someone to shag and dont really want friends. When on occasion I tried to be friendly with someone in real life and on SAUK a few times that I actually liked they shunned me so my confidence nose-dived. I still wonder did they think me strange,weird and not worthy of their attention or did I come across poorly with my abysmal social skills. Either way failure destroyed my confidence and created even greater avoidance which is why its so hard to feel the fear and keep doing it anyway. It becomes like trying to find the holy grail. When you get as old as me with little success it's very hard to have any confidence left. SAUK just confirms this really.
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  1. Old Comment
    I admire your honesty and think everyone has the need to connect and be part of. Having this longing actually shows normality. If other people had become very isolated they would be doing the same and the need to interact would be great in them. I think it goes back to somewhere in childhood if we get our needs met enough, then we can feel fairly secure in ourselves and with other people, but if not we can be wondering about with insecurity and unfulfilled longing that pours over into all areas. I think the difference is mainly what we didn't receive to feel worthwhile and accepted that causes alot of problems later on. But this is just how I see things.
    Posted 28th July 2015 at 15:11 by Sy4kQ87nmDS Sy4kQ87nmDS is offline
  2. Old Comment
    Thanks for the reply Charlotte. Yes, I think lots of problems stem from our childhood and never get resolved. Both my parents had mental issues.
    Posted 28th July 2015 at 23:05 by indigo777 indigo777 is offline

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