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My induction to the two month program and how it went.

Posted 30th September 2016 at 16:50 by Amara 94

So today I went to the induction day of the two month program that I hope to get a Tech apprenticeship out of.

I have posted about how my anxiety may ruin the experience for me and lead to me not getting an apprenticeship. After the induction day I still have the worry that that might be the outcome, my anxiety might stop me from showing my best self.

However I feel I also have the opportunity to show my best self despite suffering from anxiety and feeling socially blind in certain situations. I think I have to learn to deal with the judgements I face from strangers on my anxiety and how it influences my body language cause I know I am not a bad person and can do as much as the average person can do and learn lots of stuff.

There were a few instances where I feel that I my social awkwardness and anxiety showed.

[B]1)On the train[/B]

When I went to get a seat on the train and sat down the person across from me started moving his eyes all around the place really trying to avoid any eye contact, I feel my anxiousness may have made him anxious. I resulted to reading a book despite being several stops to my destination. Thinking back as I saw this guy as judging me for being anxious rather than him being anxious him self, I guess other strangers may see my anxious body language irrationally the same way, as me having a problem of my doing rather than just having random anxiety.

[B]2)Breaktime and just talking with certain people[/B]

On my break I tried speaking with certain people but ended up being a third wheel. However I think the people knew each other from elsewhere and also have the feeling that one of the guys isn't interested in getting to know me judging from groupwork tasks. I had other conversations but never made a bond with anyone and wasn't sure what to speak about with anyone accept for the program. I imagine that I must come across as boring to most people, especially peers.
Luckily though one friend from Sixth Form College is also on the program so that really helped. And like me she loves music and posts it on Facebook. :d She is also less serious than me and much more social.
On my way home to the station. I walked home with the friend from college and a group of acquaintances on the program, I don't really know them. Again I find myself the third wheel. Idk, maybe it's me who is scared of being alone or standing out.

I have had these situations happen to me so much in the past that I am at the point where I expect them and have to accept them to a point. I have to accept that I am not socially cool and presently in most social groups would end up the lone ranger. However I also feel more comfortable with actually admitting that Social anxiety is a real issue I face and in no way makes me less able or more of a bad person than the average person. Anyways I feel that this program if I do end up the loner like in lots of other groups I shouldn't focus on the fact that I am not making friends and put my energy towards putting the most I can to gt the most out of the program. Being a social outcast shouldn't make me less able to benefit from this program than the more social people.
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