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Identity Crisis + I feel that I may be autistic.

Posted 8th June 2018 at 23:24 by Alone.

I have suspected that I may be autistic before and even seeked referal for it through the NHS but have been denied referal twice.

I think this time I am going to research autism more and provide a summary of why I suspect that I may be autistic.

I feel my workplace is causing me an identity crisis. It's an environment where extroversion is respected. I seem to actually like some outgoing colleagues, however I also envy how some literally seem like people magnets when I seem to repel people. I guess when I am positive I seem a bit more approachable though.

Every job that I have had and even throughout School I have always not been able to form a bond with any colleagues. I did make one good friend but that is it.

I do think the fact that I don't know how to respond to most jokes, small talk and sometimes even don't understand casual conversations, a trait of autism, makes it hard and really frustrating to bond with people. It forms a barrier towards really connecting with people, being able to express my emotions and stuff and receiving the same in return.

I am also not really interested in popular culture, I guess that isn't weird but the things that interest me don't make for good conversation topics.

Right now I don't like who I am so feel like I don't know who I am behind all of this anxiety. Envying my outgoing colleagues I feel I see nothing that great about being overly serious, lacking humor. I don't want to come across depressed also but probably do.
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