Does anyone else hide their vulnerabilities too much
Posted 28th March 2016 at 11:49 by Amara 94
This has just came up in my mind since in the Work Skills course, our coaches are helping us with a few job applications. Since I said I was interested in Engineering I have applied for a few Engineering apprenticeships. However, idk how bad this sounds but I'm mainly interested in the railway industry, learning to maintain trains and other stuff, have a curiosity for how the bogies work the different motors trains use and how they have changed over the years. I also don't mind Civil Engineering although wouldn't say I'm an expert on it.
Anyways, I was doing an application with my coach on a Vehicle Technician Apprenticeship and felt convinced I was interested enough in it. However when it got to questions I kind of felt I'm not really interested in doing the Vehicle Technician Apprenticeship. I wouldn't mind maintaining my car, when I have one as a hobby, but cars don't interest me as much as trains tbh, idk if that's weird. Now I'm just thinking that I'm going to feel bad and maybe look a bit fake when my coach asks if I applied for the position. In real life, I'm embarrassed to say to most people that I have an interest in Trains. I feel it's cause in my childhood I talked about them a lot and then the interest is associated with Autism. I feel although I may have Aspergers I feel uncomfortable being told that I may have it or being seen as someone with Aspergers.
Now to the main topic of this blog I feel this situation shows how I am uncomfortable with showing my vulnerabilities. In this Work Skills course, like most other past courses and jobs I haven't really made any friends. However I have tried contributing a lot in the sessions. I feel the teachers and peers have only seen the good side of me, which isn't bad, but then isn't the complete me. Probably sounds confusing, I'm a bit confused myself, but I feel that I haven't been my honest self. I try hard to look perfect to hide the things I feel ashamed about and to avoid being picked on. Obviously it hasn't worked.
After not applying to this job, I know it may not look like a big deal, but I have remembered to think about what I want in life and why I am applying for jobs. Honestly, I feel I would enjoy being a Train Technician, applied for an apprenticeship already, but if I'm not I don't feel it would bother me too much. Idk if I would be happy with any 9to5 job??? Before I have felt working full time at a place I don't care about would suck as it would feel I'm wasting my life spending my time at somewhere I don't like. But I don't know how rational or irrational that thought is tbh, of cause though I would rather do a job I feel is valuable than any old job. But then I feel as long as I am able to do Music Produce, have enough money to get by, do fun things occasionally and have a few good friends or people that I can relate to, I'm happy.
I have been applying for Temporary Jobs, since I did apply for a Train Technician Apprenticeship I'm interested in doing. Tbh, I wouldn't say I have done the best I could applying, even shamefully turned down a Temporary Job last minute as I felt I would be terrible at the role. It was a waitress position at Wembley Stadium. I guess I need to apply for roles I feel more confident with from now on.
Anyways, I was doing an application with my coach on a Vehicle Technician Apprenticeship and felt convinced I was interested enough in it. However when it got to questions I kind of felt I'm not really interested in doing the Vehicle Technician Apprenticeship. I wouldn't mind maintaining my car, when I have one as a hobby, but cars don't interest me as much as trains tbh, idk if that's weird. Now I'm just thinking that I'm going to feel bad and maybe look a bit fake when my coach asks if I applied for the position. In real life, I'm embarrassed to say to most people that I have an interest in Trains. I feel it's cause in my childhood I talked about them a lot and then the interest is associated with Autism. I feel although I may have Aspergers I feel uncomfortable being told that I may have it or being seen as someone with Aspergers.
Now to the main topic of this blog I feel this situation shows how I am uncomfortable with showing my vulnerabilities. In this Work Skills course, like most other past courses and jobs I haven't really made any friends. However I have tried contributing a lot in the sessions. I feel the teachers and peers have only seen the good side of me, which isn't bad, but then isn't the complete me. Probably sounds confusing, I'm a bit confused myself, but I feel that I haven't been my honest self. I try hard to look perfect to hide the things I feel ashamed about and to avoid being picked on. Obviously it hasn't worked.
After not applying to this job, I know it may not look like a big deal, but I have remembered to think about what I want in life and why I am applying for jobs. Honestly, I feel I would enjoy being a Train Technician, applied for an apprenticeship already, but if I'm not I don't feel it would bother me too much. Idk if I would be happy with any 9to5 job??? Before I have felt working full time at a place I don't care about would suck as it would feel I'm wasting my life spending my time at somewhere I don't like. But I don't know how rational or irrational that thought is tbh, of cause though I would rather do a job I feel is valuable than any old job. But then I feel as long as I am able to do Music Produce, have enough money to get by, do fun things occasionally and have a few good friends or people that I can relate to, I'm happy.
I have been applying for Temporary Jobs, since I did apply for a Train Technician Apprenticeship I'm interested in doing. Tbh, I wouldn't say I have done the best I could applying, even shamefully turned down a Temporary Job last minute as I felt I would be terrible at the role. It was a waitress position at Wembley Stadium. I guess I need to apply for roles I feel more confident with from now on.
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