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this is me then...

Posted 24th May 2011 at 23:02 by Drimma

I wrote this on the eve of my 23rd birthday a couple of years ago exactly, what can these assembly of words tell me about that young man then that was I?


Q & A

So, you are 23 years old tomorrow?


Looking forward to celebrating it?

No, though at the same time I'm not particularly despondent about it. Chalking 'em up after 21 has no razzle-dazzle merit. As friendly voices had so warned.

Is it a case of maturity or can't and don't you want to do something?

Certainly maturity plays a part but almost in a negative sense. Physically I've matured to adulthood in not too a shabby assortment of bones and guts. However mentally, rather emotionally I appear to be in the same quagmire I first grew conscience of at 13; a decade later and the stench of such stagnation burns something awful in one's nostrils.
Still I needn't plan anything, L-town (my home town) hosts its annual carnival tomorrow so I need only make a phone call to enjoy myself tomorrow.

What accomplishments are you most proud of in your 23 years of being?

Nothing jumps out or stands erect as a great achievement of mine. Academically after an auspicious beginning to higher education I have now dropped out. Still I pride myself on having a reasonable intellect and can boast of having taught myself computers (having built myself one recently) Poker to a profitable level, a good deal of film theory and making, as well as being an amateur lyricist. I am acutely self-aware, diagnosing myself of a mental ailment and educating myself of it even if I lack the will to over come it.

What would you consider your greatest failure?

It depends, could you account lack of courage as a failure. Something intrinsic which I only have a degree of control depending on circumstance. If so then my lack of a will. Otherwise a proactive action I took or could have; not resisting my "friends" in high school who teased and tormented, letting my anxieties overwhelm and distract me from my studies.

Any regrets?

Not dating a couple of girls who adored me in my youth.

A young Casanova huh? how stands your love affairs now?

Nothing could be more inverse to reality than the notion of me as a Don Juan. My adolescence was spent in a hazy daze of obsessive infatuation with an ice queen classmate. Worse was to witness her frolics with my friends [one she had a crush on, one she dated, the other she had a fling with to make the former jealous, one a real Casanova whose rapacious fingers she let do as they pleased. All in front of me and with great shame even in my house, on my bed].

But as for love; I have not come close to feeling intensity of passion as I did in high school, and for the better.

What are your ambitions?

Of the many realistic and unrealistic I have they all seem to hinge, or so I feel*, on me sorting out my anxieties first. I have actively put everything else on hold. I have tried psychotherapy, hypnosis and I am on currently medication. But I know nothing other than me facing my fears head on would cure me. And that's where you find me - trying to cook up the courage to face them.

*I feel that my confidence should have precedence since that would be the foundation on which all else I wish to achieve would be achieved.

Good Luck and Happy Birthday.

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  1. Old Comment
    Libbyjay's Avatar
    if you were to fill out the form again before your next birthday, would the answers be much different?
    Posted 25th May 2011 at 00:26 by Libbyjay Libbyjay is offline
  2. Old Comment
    Drimma's Avatar
    Ok i wished to post a follow up the very nxt day but had sum sum pleasant surprise that kept me busy ---

    i will b answerin this soon tho
    Posted 29th May 2011 at 11:01 by Drimma Drimma is offline

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