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And Still I Rise.....

Posted 16th May 2011 at 23:48 by Drimma

Mondays kill me, Tues aren't for me - Lee Evans Friday

*South Park pseudonyms used for all characters

MON 2nd May: I came to around midday, it was Monday, what a black day.

I was crushing heavy, the social hive I'd been around had worn me out and then suddenly I was alone - again. Of all the people I'd laughed with none where there with me now.
How do you experience loneliness? I feel sickeningly empty - the encroaching self-pity leading swiftly to learned hopelessness till I can't stand to be in my skin.
Clyde's Movie Night saved the day catching up with him and one other friend helped shift my mind focus from myself especially when his sister started a conversation with me which I stumbled awkwardly thru.

TUES: So I'm rushing to work, I'm already late and don't you hate it when you reach the platform just in time to see your train leave? Zoooooom. Tues are my Mondays and this one is manic. I'm groggy still a touch melancholic, I don't want to work and all I want is for this train to simply breakdown. God answers; no one notices I'm late and there's no work for four hours, we all just lounge in the canteen and there's no work at all on Weds and Thurs - hells yeah Shamon Muhf@*#!
Must keep self pre-occupied tho, a lone time with my corrosive mind is not ideal. I make phone calls and chat and text until Waayhoo some one's up for chillin. It's Bebe "Yeah, Come around afta 8, afta I've put lil man 2 bed."
She's a high school classmate now single mom and it's only now since she moved across the road from me a year ago that we're rekindling our friendship.
It's like shoop shoop shoop when I arrive, listen:
"Do you think that my house is ok?"
"I'm messy ain't I?"
"I only shout at him when he's annoying me - that's OK isn't it?"
"Do you think I've put on weight since you last saw me?"
She's a mass of insecure neurosis seeking constant approval but not taking the necessary breath in conversation to take it from the cool demeanor I'm affecting. But like Baaaaam! The alcohol I've brought along mellows us both out and we relax into reminiscent laughs. It's way past midnight and it could easily go on but I got work tomorrow.
"See you soon, you should come around more."

Fri: Work was back to normal and after as an ever tedious clockwatching day I unwound at the Marshes. Both young kids Stan and Wendy, 23 each, married with a house, two cars at the front and an adorable little kid and careered the both of them - it’s a sure fire way to get depressed so I didn't compare my fortunes. He showed me his music project his working on all self taught and a makeshift music video - Stan is a doer in life, I seemingly an observer. I'd brought alcohol, of course, but they weren't big drinkers so we mellowed out to Chinese and a Lee Evans DVD and Sharon who is otherwise uneasy around me became very talkative.
"Drima what do you want to do then - like what would you be happy doing?"
Evidently I'd been bitching about my job.
"This and that but it's real hard getting into things without experience, you know?" I didn't mention the real hindrance; lack of confidence.
He dropped me home and I thanked him for the evening - truly it'd been delightful.

To be cont'd
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