Work Dilemma

"I was working part time in a five-and-dime
My boss was Mr. Mcgee
He told me several times that he didn't like my kind
Cause I was a bit 2 leisurely"
-Prince

I don't know why I have this petulant attitude towards work, my leisurely pace is easy tho - I'm just plain lazy. But why the vindictiveness, note the liberal nature with which I self regulate my breaks (45mins x2 lol). Maybe its because everybody else does it, maybe its because self regulation as exemplified by bankers before me simply does not work, or maybe yet its because they'd fired me once. My work place is like a jungle with ego-maniac predators with a sniff of power weighting down on their lessers for the sheer game of it. I mean we are all capable of arrogance or narcissism -note the pompous prose- but the Ceaser that fired me was of a particularly degenerate breed of a-holes. Accusing me of creativity with my timesheets, the insidious manner in which he probed me for a confession "I used to be agency too Frank, I know how its done - just say you did it and will forget about it." I threatened to take the matter 2 his bosses that was the last he spoke of it. But it's been a while since his reign he himself having been fired when found guilty of sexually harassing several female staff via the company phone no less. Shortly after I was re-instated.

Work has been chaotic recently, the anxiety inducing tentacles of the economic squeezing finally reaching my own little watering-hole. Work is scarce and horror stories abound of known colleagues who've spent months housebound unable to get work, another returned home to push the dream of self-employment one more time. And with cuts here and there, simply put agency staffing is not economically efficient.

Hence the re-polished CV tho I'm still highly reluctant to hand it in and have been in fact avoiding work all together so I wouldn't have to do it (since Mon tomorrow Fri is my first day back this week). It's perilous practice as I learnt 14 outsiders had already applied for the 5 vacancy's that will be left once my current employers dismiss the agency; tho as an upside we have first dips on those positions. When I mentioned my interest to a supervisor she gave a much comforting nudge, nudge wink, wink for my chances.

So why the reluctance? Of course the 20% pay cut is a put off and a few insufferable colleagues don't help but more so is the lack of freedom I will have, deciding as I have been recently based on the weather forecast whether I was going to work or not the next day (aka sunny days mean no work ). I remember missing the whole working month of December off work on a whim and then 3 months more when some personal issues arose at the end of which a single e-mail to my agency on a Monday got me back into work by the Weds of the same week. I'm gonna miss all that.

When it's all said and done tho I would have failed myself come Jan 2012 and I am still languishing away hiding behind some laborious unstimulating 37.5hrs as an excuse not to pursue my dreams, heck just anything progressive and beyond a hand to mouth existence. All a willful gross negligence of my own happiness.

Still tomorrow I put my papers foward and for all my reluctance and disdain - nothing is promised.

Keep your fingers crossed for me - here's to hoping.

"seems that I was doin something close to nothing
but different than the day before"
-Prince