I lost myself again. I can only make that comment when I recognise the lostness, usually that means I am on the journey home.

Shall I describe the circumstances that led to the separation? Somehow that doesnt feel relevant. They are floating, causal factors, that's all. It can be this, or that; he said, she said, I went here, I went there.

The basic equation is - overstimulation + too much activity/people =get tired and over stressed. Feel tired and low. Try to fix...

My anxiety was through the roof this week even after my long walk on Monday. Unfortunately I had to take a sleeping tablet Wednesday night but it seemed to help and made me more tranquil and placid. Rained all morning today but I went out this afternoon to a well known place. I like to see the horses with their young foals at this time of year. They are quite used to people and dont much care. The fields are bursting with life right now. There are so many places in the Uk I wish i could visit but...

On Monday I did a complete circuit of Rutland water on foot starting from Oakham Station. Well I have to get out when its sunny or I never will. It'll probably soon be raining again.It seems to be getting harder to walk longer distances like this but it was also quite warm and I felt pretty much knackered by the time I went home after approx 6 hours.






This is Oakham where I began.

[IMG]https://farm6.staticflickr.com/5581/14206143296_162bdfbdf3_b.jpg[/IMG]...

Enjoyed a few days of buoyant mood and increased sociability. Accepted a spontaneous invite to a friends sauna, took a walk with my house-mates and was even contemplating attending the Bardic finals, which would be something like 10 steps up the ladder of interaction.

Mood crashed today, I overdid it. Cycled to the pool twice in two days, got overwrought from the stimulation of the traffic and the urban environment and I need to factor in half a day off, free from people and roads...

The lido is open for summer. The paradox of the warm sunny weather is that, everyone wants to go and that makes it very difficult for me.

A/the(?) major trigger of my anxiety/panic is proximity to other people/sharing public space. So I rocked up at the pool yesterday afternoon at what is usually the quietest time. Post lunchtime, pre-end of school day.

The carpark was full and so were the cycle racks. I leaned my bike against the wall, walked to the entrance and peeped...