Today I stood outside, it's soo cold since its now into the winter months, I get a great feeling blowing bubbles on a windy day, to me its like releasing the bad things out of my life, I no they dont fully dissapear but it helps a little.
Its so refreshing on a frozen day like today, everything is so silent, just watching the bubbles float away is so relaxing

I find it wierdy exhilarating that ive finally found a site that I can come and get advice and chat with others with SA, YES ive finally achieved my goal of getting a friendly person to befriend me , I love how I can treat my blog as a personal diary, and i intend to write one everyday! Its a great feeling how I know everyone has access to read my thoughts and no body has the right to be impressed with it

Since I was 15 I said to myself im going to do everything with mylife, I want to see the world and show them in my photography, I wanted to go to college and have everyday as an adventure..
It was untill today that i was watching tv and some arts and crafts that is this all my life will be ?
ive lost 5 years thanks to bad friends, and family trauma's
I want to know when im going to break out of these 4 walls, beyond the door and explore the world, im so familiar with my home...

I hate it soo much when a bad dream gets stuck in your head, for the rest of the day its been hanging over me like a grey cloud. And whats worse is when your mind sub-consiously carries on the dream in the back of your head
It was horrible! the dream was that I died and was going blind while my family sat around and did nothing, i remember in it that i was standing there thinking ive done nothing with my life and i was trying to rush to go somewhere..
..maybe it was my mind...

Today I woke up fine but as soon as my mom mentioned that we was going to my sisters house my mood turned bad.
I got ready but when it was time to walk out the door I couldnt help but cry, especialy when my dad said I would dissapoint my sister, I always feel like im letting people down, and when my family try to pick my mood up I just be horrible to them but I cant help it, I know myself and im not like that.
So since I let my mom down and she went alone with my dad just dropping...