Met with a potentially new therapist yesterday. I've been in and out of talking therapy for over a decade, sometimes I'd keep the same therapist for a year, two years, its generally massively helpful and I feel I do best with an open person centred approach. This time, a GP referal, they offered me CBT, a few measly sessions, I wasnt over keen but hey-ho one is grateful and accepts what is.

In the treatment room, I had a panic attack that lasted 30 out of the 45 minutes we had together....

Sunday I could barely move all day. All the excitement, overstimulation and emotional drama of the week, well it corpsed me and I surrendered. There's a difference between deciding to take a rest day as prevention/maintenance and having a day of enforced shut-down that I don't have control over.

Thankfully I didnt mentally resist, in the past, such episodes trigger mind-fear and alarm, what if I'm broken and can't recover my energy? What did I (or anyone else) do wrong to cause this...