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It feels like the answer is getting a bit clearer, I can vision overcoming SA

Posted 21st May 2015 at 21:58 by amara

Idk if I am crazy for feeling that it is very possible to overcome SA. Recently, the three main things I have been doing in my life are working, morning jogs (it's only the Couch to 5k though) and going to the SA Support Groups.

I have found that jogging gets rid of Brain Fog, which gives me some confidence and gets rid of some anxiety. The fact that I'm liking jogging and how it makes makes me feel like doing more exercise and being healthy.

However I wouldn't say work is helping my SA, it provides me an income which provides me a certain level of security I guess. But with work I'm also around some people who seem to misunderstand my SA and that doesn't help my SA. I also find myself finding it hard to listen to callers when I answer the phone which is embarrassing. I get anxious around workers toddlers when they bring them to the office and I have no knowledge about the common topics in the office. I also get tongue tied speaking to my colleagues, except for when I'm speaking with the guy that I am close friends with. It's like Social awkwardness exposed.

I would say the SA support groups meetups have been useful. I have seen that SA doesn't just show in one form and an SA'er can in fact look like a social person, be loud and even appear as a person who I would think looks down on social awkwardness. It has also made me that bit more wary on whether I might have other problems to SA. Idk, this is confusing, I don't know whether just anxiety makes me tongue tied as other SA'ers in the SA group I attend seem to find it easier than me to speak in the group, or if I might have a processing disorder, it's actually very confusing as I don't speak much.

Anyways I've booked an appointment with my GP's to get tested for a diagnoses, I just feel I might have aspergers or something. And if I do happen to have aspergers or another thing, I feel it will help me overcome SA and get rid of the blinding clouds SA and anger have caused me. My SA seems to be based on things such as not feeling sure how to respond to others, not finding lots of jokes funny and hiding the fact that I'm appalling at ball games. Overall it's based on trying to fit in as normal, or as being weird/unique in the "cool" way I guess.

Something else, at work and other places it feels like when people seem my anxiety they either treat me negatively or like a child who needs to be told what to do. But then I know I am as capable as most people in thinking logically and making smart decisions. With a diagnoses and more understanding of why I act or think the way I do, I think I would be better at being more independent and assertive towards my thoughts and actions.

At the end of the day though I have to manage to find ways to adapt to society I guess. Years of social isolation and the clouds and deception created by anxiety is gonna make this a challenge but not impossible.
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