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Must Try Harder

Posted 2nd May 2016 at 20:08 by indigo777

I mentioned before I joined elefriends a while ago. Its a site for people with mental health problems designed a bit like Facebook I suppose where people can leave messages and others reply to them. However like most sites I just read all these people speaking to each other and feel like I am on a different planet. It doesn't get better or easier like the message says, it never does. I try to make some replies and comments to others but they are ignored. When I have made some myself they did get likes and the odd comment but as the site is quite popular any post is off page one in about 30 minutes and vanishes for all eternity. So dont make any posts late at night as hardly anyone sees them.. I dont know if the popular people just keep sending each other private messages or post every 30 minutes so they dont vanish. Otherwise how one earth do they make friends? I am however fascinated by watching other peoples behaviour. The new people come up and often have a photo of themselves.

I am interested if the better looking ones especially women get much more attention than others. Probably, that seems common on all sites. Of course me being a paranoid nutcase I am more reluctant to reply to attractive females in case they think I am just a perv so ignore them even more. That's how madness works. Its doesn't really matter though. As mentioned at least 183 times before the popular people know what to say, how to reply, emphasise and sympathise in all the right places and do witty banter in abundance.In fact they act as if they have no depression or anxiety, at least online.What a surprise.

Myself in contrast feel like I have turned up at a funeral and started farting and making silly noises and other people just look at me in annoyance like a small child. Inappropriate behaviour. But isn't that really what all social anxiety is? Acting in a way that makes people feel uncomfortable. not knowing what to say,saying the wrong thing, acting weird, social ineptitude.I dont think I have aspergers or other mental health problems and yet I never learn or get better and am still socially inept. I fail, feel terrible and this increases my paranoia, anxiety and avoidance. Almost none of my negative attitude is misplaced as everything turned out bad most of the time. Just like using this forum. Its alright saying try more but we all know there's way more going on than that. In reality once people have judged you on SAUK and found you wanting they ignore any future posts making you feel like a twat and act more avoidant and give up. What you put into SAUK you get out is therefore a complete lie.

Again why do they think that exposure therapy results in success when exposure to failure makes me worse. Just because I dont get physically injured during exposure does not in any way make me feel better and boost my confidence. Fight or flights is not just a response to a physical threat. Fear of humiliation and ridicule are just as important as a motivating factor. Mad people are lonely too. There is nowhere to go that helps because the simple and unbearable truth is that once you are faulty nobody wants to have anything to do with you for very long, online or in real life.
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