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Old

Good night,then.

Posted 30th March 2014 at 19:57 by indigo777

Mothers’ day and the first one without her. Tomorrow would have been her birthday as well so I went to the cemetery bearing flowers. Yet still the dreams haunt me. Of trying to keep her alive in the final months, getting her to eat and drink, keeping her warm. Of comforting someone who knows they are going to die soon and they see their own body and mind start to fall apart. The waiting, the dreading, the knowing it will come regardless of praying or weekly visits to the cathedral and sitting...
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Old

Not one of Us

Posted 22nd March 2014 at 14:12 by indigo777

All the lonely people
Where do they all come from?


Is it enough to just get rid of your self consciousness and become more confident in order to conquer SA? The old just be your self theory. What if you act yourself and people still don’t like you anyway? Do you need to do more, do you then need to change your personality in order to fit in and be accepted? I think many people with SA are often not just shy; they may be socially inept and socially unaware also. The...
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Old

I'm looking at the big sky

Posted 21st March 2014 at 14:19 by indigo777

[B][I]I'm looking at the big sky.
You never really understood me.
You never really tried.[/I][/B]


Another strange but emotional day. My mother was in a wooden box about 12 inches by 10, or at least her ashes were. Although she died several months ago her ashes have only just been interned due to the usual family madness and buried next to my dad at the local cemetery. We did not get on for much of her later years and yet memories come flooding back of years gone...
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Old

But I remember everything.......

Posted 16th March 2014 at 14:15 by indigo777

[I]"I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real
The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
[SIZE="7"][B]But I remember everything"[/B] [/I]
[/SIZE]

I think differently now that I am older and yet the pain never truly goes away but then how can it? All our memories are the sum of what we are, they make you and they form you into...
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Old

Contstant Craving

Posted 9th March 2014 at 14:28 by indigo777

One of the worst and most memorable aspects of SA for me was the pain at work of forever being the outsider, of never really fitting in no matter what I did. To work in a large company for years and never really feel comfortable has unavoidable effects on your mood, emotions and long term mental health. In short the SA actually defines your character and personality. You become what the SA allows you to become and this is the way you then appear to the outside world; grumpy, unfriendly, unapproachable....
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