For me, there is danger around every corner, at the open of every door. A ringing phone sounds an alarm of doom. The doorbell rings and I panic. Everytime I leave my flat I hope I won't bump into my neighbours in the hallway. As I leave the building I feel a hundred pairs of eyes fix upon me from the building behind mine, judging me, observing my nervous walk. I round the corner, a sigh of relief no eyes are there to avoid. As I reach the main road I'm now into my deep breathing routine, desperate...

I got an interesting dilemma in life, whether I choose to stay an observer, or whether I choose to participate.

Omg I cant believe I travelled all the way from solihull to mansfield by trains yesterday *tired*
So determind to see my boyfriend having a mental breakdown in the middle of nowhere wasnt even an option for me, was in proper A to B mode lol.
Im sooo proud of myself was totally on my own with no family to pick me up, felt quite independant for once, had to interact with people to make sure i was on the right train and stuff, havent just randomly spoke to a person in years and...

I'm not like all the other boys. Empty and dulled, down and alone. Dripping through days I'm amazed I can face. Facebook friends I wouldn't look in the eye boast of happiness of Bank Holiday highs gone by, friends and girlfriends, sunshine on a rainy weekend.

And I sit and I cry, tears slide into a whizzed up swash of downward spirals, washing the pain. I'm not like all the other boys, I'm dieing and drained, tired of this game, this bottomless barrel of torture and pain.
...

Im feeling really unstable today,shaking, erratic breathing, crying, im feeling the lot. I really need some support from people on top of it all I have self hating going on, and feel down so i have no chance of fighting it at the moment. I just need someone to hug me