Being with someone you like helps a lot, so does support. I think its a thing that people with family and friends have no real idea of, being totally alone for weeks on end. At least I have one friend for which I am thankful for but still am alone for most of the time. Trying to make friends online has been an even bigger disaster and almost always ends in failure making me feel disliked and CONFIRMING ALL NEGATIVE THOUGHTS. They then blame you for not going out to get friends or relationships as...

So I took a ban from SAUK and Facebook recently.

Why?

Because I was ill and had just booked a private hospital appointment to deal with the blocked feeling of phlegm in my throat I had been dealing with on and off for two years. I decided to spend lots of money and go private cause last time I went to the GP's they brushed off the problem as just stress but the problem never went away. Plus it seemed like extra stress to convince a GP to refer me to an ENT specialist....

I actually feel it would be for the best to move out, however I also know that there are some toxic house shares and that I have to be organised and have my stuff together if I want a house share to go well.

The weekend as well as the end of last week I have felt a bit ill, I think I have a flu. This has kind of been frustrating as recently I have felt positive and then this has made me feel a bit shittier. It like I feel background frustration with my mother though I am trying to...

This week, last two weeks, I feel like I have been the most mentally comfortable, confident (still shy though), I have been in a long time. I feel like how I felt as a child, maybe that is how I am meant to feel?

In return with feeling more positive I have noticed that lots of people seem to react more positively to me. I have been able to small talk with the students I clean for and sometimes received a treat in return, gotten on better with some colleagues and it feels like my head...

This week I would say that I have had a good week, like the best week I have had mentally for a very long time. It's surprising how simple it has felt to be positive. Basically cooking my own food, as my mum doesn't always cook, and I have more control over what is going in my body I think has made me feel some sense of control. Then making more of an effort, though I can do more, to greet students has made the environment I clean in more positive.

It has also almost felt unreal...