So today I was still in a bad, helpless mood as I felt that I can't connect with anyone. This lunch again went similar. The mildly autistic colleague was telling us the names of items in different languages. Then him and the colleauge I was eating lunch with spoke some French and some stuff that didn't involve me. Then when the other colleague left, the mildly autistic colleague focused on the TV.

I was thinking about the situation, was thinking telling the collegue how I can't connect...

Adding on from yesterdays blog I feel the fact that I m not able to converse casually and effortlessly with most people I know and that I have been called boring or have had it hinted at me through other peoples actons is making me feel miserable. What good is life if you can't connect with anyone?

Somebody did comment on the last blog that I don't come across as boring here but I need more than words I need to feel that I can connect with a person and we both enjoy each others company....

As some of you may know, I was upset that this birthday on my FB only a few friends responded Happy Birthday to me. My sister brought a cake for her friend but nothing for me.

This upset me cause it made me think of some likeable people who would probably get presents from friends and wouldn't have their birthday forgotten.

It also made me think of work, the jobs I have had and the social experiences that I have had. For example, most jobs I have had I never seem able...

So I took a ban from SAUK and Facebook recently.

Why?

Because I was ill and had just booked a private hospital appointment to deal with the blocked feeling of phlegm in my throat I had been dealing with on and off for two years. I decided to spend lots of money and go private cause last time I went to the GP's they brushed off the problem as just stress but the problem never went away. Plus it seemed like extra stress to convince a GP to refer me to an ENT specialist....

I actually feel it would be for the best to move out, however I also know that there are some toxic house shares and that I have to be organised and have my stuff together if I want a house share to go well.

The weekend as well as the end of last week I have felt a bit ill, I think I have a flu. This has kind of been frustrating as recently I have felt positive and then this has made me feel a bit shittier. It like I feel background frustration with my mother though I am trying to...