Today, for a few hours, I felt angry with how people have reacted to and misunderstood my anxiety. Also how limiting the effects of anxiety are.

One memory that came to my mind was the barbershop incident. Where I had been down for a few days after finishing a work skills program where I felt misunderstood. I decided to walk to the barbers. And the barber I had told me aggressively to sit up straight, said some Jamaican slang to which his peers laughed. And didn't cut my hair properly....

I don't know why this is painful to me, tbh I partially do. But I think I have to improve my communication skills. Always feeling ignored, unnoticed, like others think I don't feel emotions is not okay for me. And please don't tell me it's a part of life or that I can't please everyone because I see most other people are able to interact with others and have people that would ask them out for lunch or something. I also see that certain people are more likable.

A few weeks ago I was...

At my workplace it feels like I am learning about myself from others. As I have probably mentioned before, there is a woman who is vocally expressive, caring, seems satisfied with life and gets on with everyone, even me and the students. Probably even gets away with more stuff cause she is so liked. I feel it's mostly her character that is likable. Although she is silly sometimes, and I think is comfortable with herself, I envy her for how easily she gets on with others. I still like her as a colleague...

it seem that society focuses on this more than genuine, meaningful relationships?

So kind of had this thought. At the moment I can say I have only 2 people in my life that genuinely support me and I am thankful for them. Idk if I would've met as genuine of people if I wasn't as socially awkward or anxious. I may but this is the thought that came to my mind.

I was at work the other day and there is this receptionist that reminds me of when I have worked and my interaction...

With my job, through an agency, I have been given no work from this week until the 21st August. The agency can give me more work but I decided to take a break. Tbh, most of the jobs are kitchen portering and I hate the jobs, they don't suit me.

During this break I haven't done much, too anxious to go out. I've just been music producing and sound designing on my DAW, it does feel I do it too much but then it feels like I wouldn't learn as much if I didn't.

Work adds...