I enjoy writing and am seeking to clarify my thoughts, feelings and internal process.
Starting to socialise
Posted 3rd May 2014 at 10:43 by Star Rainbow
Tags community, socialising
Can scarcely believe I just tapped that title. But reflecting on the past week; somehow, that is exactlyI what happened.
There's a huge outward facing rush of energy in the community as spring is officially celebrated. Call it Beltane or May Day; the ceremonies taking place in town are very important and meaningful to me. In the sense of being a barometer for how I am doing, the extent to which I feel able to observe/participate.
Fortunately/unfortunately? Fortunately I have enjoyed some memorable Beltanes; sitting in fields with friends, green men, playing devotional music and enjoying the bliss of being. Feeling wholly connecting to the drama and the exuberance of the season. Joyful and alive
So the intervening years of skulking at home, fearful, depressed, measuring myself against past success and concluding FAIL. That's hard.
This year I had no choice but to turn down an invite to workshop a sweet festival/gathering. That pained me too, again the comparison to what is with what was. It's a subtle form of judgement/self-attack.
But I did feel to connect in this year, as a semi-distant observer; guess that is one stage before being a committed observer and thence participant.
Attending a 7 am fire ceremony, and managed to stay centred in a field of a couple of hundred strangers = accomplishment
Til the part when we had to turn and greet a stranger cripes may as well ask me to strip naked. I scuttled off.
Re-emerged later that afternoon, post may-pole dancing, when the tourists had left and it was people I knew getting mellow in the sunshine. That felt sweet and easy.
Do I call this success? Am I grading myself? Is this progress? Must there be progress? Can I just say that I went along to a couple of events and stayed a little while and that it felt OK? Can I be light about it?
Pic of the wellhead, dressed in spring flora and of the early ceremony, yes I was there at the edge if not in the midst of all those people (the main crowd was behind me).
There's a huge outward facing rush of energy in the community as spring is officially celebrated. Call it Beltane or May Day; the ceremonies taking place in town are very important and meaningful to me. In the sense of being a barometer for how I am doing, the extent to which I feel able to observe/participate.
Fortunately/unfortunately? Fortunately I have enjoyed some memorable Beltanes; sitting in fields with friends, green men, playing devotional music and enjoying the bliss of being. Feeling wholly connecting to the drama and the exuberance of the season. Joyful and alive
So the intervening years of skulking at home, fearful, depressed, measuring myself against past success and concluding FAIL. That's hard.
This year I had no choice but to turn down an invite to workshop a sweet festival/gathering. That pained me too, again the comparison to what is with what was. It's a subtle form of judgement/self-attack.
But I did feel to connect in this year, as a semi-distant observer; guess that is one stage before being a committed observer and thence participant.
Attending a 7 am fire ceremony, and managed to stay centred in a field of a couple of hundred strangers = accomplishment
Til the part when we had to turn and greet a stranger cripes may as well ask me to strip naked. I scuttled off.Re-emerged later that afternoon, post may-pole dancing, when the tourists had left and it was people I knew getting mellow in the sunshine. That felt sweet and easy.
Do I call this success? Am I grading myself? Is this progress? Must there be progress? Can I just say that I went along to a couple of events and stayed a little while and that it felt OK? Can I be light about it?
Pic of the wellhead, dressed in spring flora and of the early ceremony, yes I was there at the edge if not in the midst of all those people (the main crowd was behind me).
Total Comments 2
Comments
-
I have heard of beltane as my friend likes many of these kind of paganist type things. I love these old festivals and events and all the folklore of the UK.Well done fo gong and dont blame you at all for not greeting the strangers part. The well blessings are interesting as it reminds me of the well dressing festivals in the Peak District which I have been to.Posted 4th May 2014 at 22:50 by indigo777 
-
Thanks. The Pagan festivals endure although the Christian church has hijacked the timings; there is a happy concordance of themes, mostly. I feel the meaning and depth have been mostly obscured by mass commerce, but these seasonal rituals are important markers in the psyche and we all need some spring revelry.
Well dressing is such a beautiful and simple honouring of the source of life. I expect you have some great photos from those festivals.Posted 5th May 2014 at 06:09 by Star Rainbow
