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I feel like a Painted Character

Posted 26th April 2015 at 14:11 by amara

"Oh, he is different."
"Other peers are moving out, trying to be independent."
"He is very nice."
"He is always alone."

This is what I heard of a conversation about me, between 2 neighbours, as I greeted them. Of cause it wasn't a bad hurtful conversation, but I got the feeling it was based on assumption as the neighbours don't know me but are talking about me. As I look at the brief conversation I heard now, it seems as if they were just curious about me and assumed I have a problem. I guess although the conversation wasn't offensive, due to my hidden and anxious nature, it feels like lots of people around me prejudge me and misunderstand me, which makes it harder for me to get out of the deep hole I've created from years of social isolation.

I feel I've been painted to seem either not as smart as others, disabled or like I am not a nice person. And it isn't just the fault of people who treat me as if I am stupid or react to me as if I am a bad person, it's also my fault as I haven't been assertive enough and shown these people that I actually have a brain and am as smart as them and can feel emotions.

There are a lot more situations into where I feel that rather than showing my true self, I feel I have held back and allowed myself to be painted as this passive guy that doesn't have a mind. It's time for me to gain assertiveness and open up more.
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