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Shy people, egocentric?

Posted 12th January 2017 at 16:32 by indigo777

Shy people are egotistical, vain, self centred, narcissistic? I have heard all this before over the years and that part of having SA is all about your ego as you must think you are so important if everyone is looking at or thinking about you when you go out. I think this concept is mostly balls and heaps even more guilt on people often already racked with guilt for something they did not create or want. Its similar to the idea still having shyness past a certain age is all your own fault for not doing enough to get rid of it and so its really self inflicted and you have no one to blame but yourself. Of course many people who have had some success overcoming their SA still relapse and feel guilty for not doing enough and like nothing better than to inflict this guilt on everyone else too.

In reality you think everyone is looking at you as see everyone else as a potential enemy. Like a wounded animal on the plains of the Serengeti.This is often from experience as you have had negative events happen to you from school days onwards. Itís also because there is a vast history of people picking on anyone who is different and of bullying. This happens with people with physical disabilities and despite our enlightened times when they come on TV they often talk of nasty and quite vile bullying and comments said to them from other kids at school, walking down the street or if they force themselves to go to clubs, bars etc and try to be normal.Now they also get abuse online. Despite the fact that the vast majority of people donít say anything if itís a common occurrence even once every few weeks out of thousands of people you pass in a busy city this still puts barriers up and creates a mindset of paranoia.

This is often the same for people with mental health problems. Despite the fact that people dont know of your condition, after years of often isolation and not being liked our minds still starts to see everyone as a potential enemy and all the bad thoughts return. In fact we often manifest our mental problems in physical reactions so people can see that there is something wrong with us and do see us as strange. For instance I blushed, stammered, looked awkward and nervous and as I have said before even got punched in the face for walking strangely so I was on the lookout all the time for potential scumbags. I also got disliked for simply being quiet and boring during many years at work. It has f**k all to do with thinking you are more important that other people, its more to do with that you have a history of not fitting in and not being liked so your brain sees potential enemies everywhere. This may be seen as self centred as you are thinking about yourself all the time but its in the same way that an injured person thinks about their injury above all else and tries to prevent further pain. Itís more like a defence mechanism.
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  1. Old Comment
    Interestingly I posted on a Buddhist board and their conclusion was an 'inverted ego', identifying with all the me-thoughts that were negative as the ego will take attention over nothing, it was an interesting theory.
    Posted 13th January 2017 at 09:26 by affluenza affluenza is offline
  2. Old Comment
    The whole 'shyness is egotistical' narrative is from people who don't have first hand experience of what it's like.

    You have to remember that the way people judge you for doing nothing wrong is their problem and not yours. The behaviour being talked about is NOT defendable. It's entirely understandable why you might see people as potential enemies.

    The only thing I want to bring-up is, can you identify any ways the fear and lack of trust of people might make you behave? It's how you might behave when you meet new people, and what's on your mind at the time that might be worth addressing.

    A great thing you can do, as I have been trying to practice is not jumping to snap conclusions about other people if you don[t understand them. Always stop and think, be humble and acknowledge you don't actually know this person. For me, this helps me realise that if anyone else doesn't practice the same, it's their problem and not mine.
    Posted 14th January 2017 at 03:39 by hollowone hollowone is offline
  3. Old Comment
    I agree with the post. Also some people that aren't SA can also care about how they look, have an ego. I'd they didn't they wouldn't find a need to tease others they see as different or a need to be dominant.
    Posted 14th January 2017 at 11:46 by Alone. Alone. is offline
  4. Old Comment
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by hollowone View Comment
    The whole 'shyness is egotistical' narrative is from people who don't have first hand experience of what it's like.
    I am not sure,quite a few people on here seem to have had this view over the years although it could stem from their own guilt.

    Quote:
    You have to remember that the way people judge you for doing nothing wrong is their problem and not yours. The behaviour being talked about is NOT defendable. It's entirely understandable why you might see people as potential enemies.
    But as the odd ones out its still up to us to change ourselves otherwise we end up as social outcasts and weird loners.

    Quote:
    The only thing I want to bring-up is, can you identify any ways the fear and lack of trust of people might make you behave? It's how you might behave when you meet new people, and what's on your mind at the time that might be worth addressing.
    I think its instinctive after years of isolation and non improvement. I think I often come across aggressively as I see people as potential enemies and so not friendly although I cant smile and have no witty chat anyway so have mostly given up. However my home life from about 11 onwards was often stressful and miserable so I was unhappy all the time anyway.

    Quote:
    A great thing you can do, as I have been trying to practice is not jumping to snap conclusions about other people if you don[t understand them. Always stop and think, be humble and acknowledge you don't actually know this person. For me, this helps me realise that if anyone else doesn't practice the same, it's their problem and not mine.
    I think anxiety and complete isolation can often lead to depression and paranoia which is mostly ignored in connection with anxiety. I have tried to think differently and yet just going to the supermarket today was highly stressful and I hated it. Its like once the switch in my head is activated its very hard to turn it off or whatever I tell my mind to think it ignores me anyway. This is why I believe CBT therapy would be useless for me.Perhaps my depression would need to be cured first as without getting rid of this first I have no motivation to do anything and get into furious tempers.
    Posted 25th January 2017 at 16:36 by indigo777 indigo777 is offline
 

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