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I enjoy writing and am seeking to clarify my thoughts, feelings and internal process.
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Emotional detox

Posted 16th June 2014 at 14:03 by Star Rainbow

Emerging after another immersion in the deep labyrinth of self, at an especially potent time. Full moon on the 13th, Friday 13th, the monthly bleed, rising sun-power of solstice (increased light = increased awareness) and a grief anniversary build-up too.

Didnt leave home for three days – mostly didnt leave the bed, which became the holding womb-space. Did you ever see Tracy Emin's piece, where she staged her bed after a weekend of deep experience. Mine was a yogic version lol, spiritual memoirs, my own handwritten journals and writing, disordered bedding, blood, cat hair and crystals lol.

If you wanna meet your demons, just hole up at home, deny yourself all wordly connection inc digital media and eat lightly. I wont describe the emotional torture and psychological gore-fest that ensued... Let's just say, that every time I go there, I come out bloody and on my knees, battered by my own inner psychological forces... And amazed to find myself still alive. Am I being dramatic? No, this is how it is – for me.

It was really really hard. I have to wonder, what good it does, every psychological and spiritual tradition says this is the way through... But man, carrying a few extra pounds from comfort eating, which is how I would avoid getting sucked into that pain vortex, well that can seem quite sane and helpful from one point of view, what a perfect distraction!

I think I need to evolve into a more mature and skilled way of having that experience, beyond encountering that brutally raw edge and getting freaked out by it. Maybe strengthening my loving-awareness practice and hope for some helpful quality of presence to be available, so I'm not merely flailing around helplessly in my own grief and murk, but am gently held or carried, or something.

I dont know, I dont have the answers! Does anyone else do this and find it helpful? Am quite curious.
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  1. Old Comment
    I do enjoy your blog posts - and I'm not even into spirituality, nature and whatnot. They are nice to read :)
    Posted 16th June 2014 at 22:58 by slrrrrp slrrrrp is offline
  2. Old Comment
    Star Rainbow's Avatar
    Thanks slrrrp, your comment is very helpful - I often feel to be posting into a void and get a bit vulnerable esp as writing such personal stuff that may just seem utter nonsense to anyone who is not me lol. Hope you are having a good day
    Posted 18th June 2014 at 08:03 by Star Rainbow Star Rainbow is offline

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