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I enjoy writing and am seeking to clarify my thoughts, feelings and internal process.
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Suddenly summer

Posted 7th May 2014 at 07:41 by Star Rainbow

Two small but significant firsts: first barefoot walk of the summer. When the soles of my pink, podgy feet met the cool, fresh morning grass, I can't tell you how good that felt. Rather than yomping up and down I circambulated the Tor with my attention mostly in the sensations of the feet. Really takes one out of the mind and into the present moment, via the body.

We have had rain, the grass was wet rather than dewy damp which felt cleansing and exhilarating. During the walk my feet became cold, but the aliveness was too delicious, to stop and put shoes on and deaden sensation.

Second: outdoor swim. This is a big one. I still can't quite take in that the winter is over, the summer is here, that I find myself back at the lido. The whole experience felt unreal. Too good to be true? As though my tiny brain could not compute that the day had finally come. Suddenly, those 7-8 months of stoically swimming inside, which I had thought was fine and even enjoyable, suddenly that was reframed. I asked myself, 'How on earth did I manage that?'; the conditions at once seemed so artificial and constraining. Now I'm swimming under clouds, the sun is upon me, the air moves around me, birds are singing, a crow flew over my head... aliveness.

Best part - showering. The showers are outdoor, ie no roof or ceiling. Water is hot and plentiful. So you're washing nekkid, under the glorious sun, sky, air. Vitamin D boost or what. I renewed my season pass and am returning to the pool today, hope I can let it in that this is really happening after months of incarceration.Let the joy and bliss states bubble through?

A huge plus from enduring the winter and cyclingin layers of clothing and coping with dark skies, weather, that indoor environment is that I have for the first time, maintained my swimming performance year round. I ploughed endless lengths, really slowly, deliberately savouring all sensations and didnt get tired. That felt good.

Everything is sooo much easier outside. I still can't socialise, much, and that is a perpetual torment. But Nature opens out this other realm, somehow in summer, there is an uplift possible, I have to go out and be out and harvest that. IT still bothers me that I can't be with people, sure, but I have this good, solid thing that is working and I think that I have to place my attention on what is working in my life, especially when there is so much vibrancy to it.

Vive summer
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  1. Old Comment
    Enjoy reading your blogs. You're a very sensuously feeling person, if that makes sense, and you are definitely making progress. Keep up the good work. :)
    Posted 8th May 2014 at 09:56 by Riccip
  2. Old Comment
    Star Rainbow's Avatar
    Thank you Riccip That is very kind of you to comment - I feel enouraged
    Posted 11th May 2014 at 14:18 by Star Rainbow Star Rainbow is offline

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