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Men's Mental Health

Posted 24th March 2018 at 15:07 by indigo777

I have heard quite a bit about men’s mental health recently on TV as if it is distinctly different to that of women. Zoë Ball was on TV only last night doing a sponsored bike ride in memory of her partner who had depression and committed suicide last year. The most common theme is that men are far more reserved and less likely to talk about their feelings and also seek help than women. That’s true to a point. I have still not been to a doctor for instance despite a lifetime of misery and failure due to anxiety and depression although as I mention frequently many people who did seek help in the UK were often treated with no sympathy whatsoever and even like they were a nuisance. CBT therapy has a long waiting list and often does not work due to NHS therapists being the worst available. So the idea if I went to the GP next week would be the vital first step to a cure and happiness is a bit far fetched as I would not do any CBT for social anxiety anyway. It’s not for people with depression and paranoia and often makes things worse.

Men are more likely to commit suicide and especially between the ages of 40-59. In fact men are 3 times more likely to commit suicide than women although there has been a rise in women’s suicide too. There are about 6000 suicides in the UK a year which is about 16-20 per day. Shocking isn’t it? It almost feels sexist for highlighting differences as some women don’t like the idea that anything could be worse but obviously women have always had the majority of things worse than men so it’s hardly surprising that men have some differences. I have posted before several times I think social anxiety or severe shyness is distinctly different as we an just animal species and we do behave differently as almost all animals do. Men are ridiculed more for being virgins past a certain age and also for being long term unemployed as our culture still sees men as the provider.

I also read that men handle being alone far worse than women and this then often leads to depression and worse and very socially anxious men are probably going to struggle to get a relationship at all as we are still expected to approach women and initiate things. I think men find things like this and especially being shy around women far more humiliating to talk about as we are supposed to be the confident ones so are far less likely to seek help. Would I really want to go to group CBT therapy with much younger people and admit still being a virgin in front of them especially as CBT therapy is often with people with general anxiety to save money rather than just social anxiety. Men are always ridiculed for being cowards and not asking women out. The JUST MAN Up! approach. Then if we do it wrong and act awkward we are accused of being a creepy weirdo.Like a guy I worked with and the girl actually reported him for harassment which resulted in him having a complete mental breakdown.

I’ve never been able to chat a girl/woman up and I’m now just over 196 and I have NEVER HAD ANY FEMALE APPROACH ME ANYWHERE, EVER in a romantic way and despite my paranoia I dont think I was particularly ugly when I was younger compared to the guys I worked with. I even had girls slagging me off saying He wont do anything! Because they were incapable of speaking first apparently so no equality at all then. Having worked in a large company with plenty of women for 20 years. Girls simply dont make the first move most of the time. I think people who say this isn’t true are simply deluded. Men and women act completely differently as most animals do. Yes, some things about mental health and especially socially anxiety are worse for men, get over it.
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  1. Old Comment
    limey123's Avatar
    Good to read that these issues are being talked about. And that issues for men are being discussed, as in our society support and care tends to be mainly for women, men are expected to grin and bear these things. Not that I begrudge women any help of course. I do disagree with the CBT statements though - I am receiving it now and finding it very helpful.
    Posted 25th March 2018 at 20:30 by limey123 limey123 is offline
  2. Old Comment
    Yes, although CBT does appear to be hit and miss especially with the NHS. Many people on here have hated it. If the CBT just demands I go around making small talk to strangers and wonders why it wont work then I still think they haven't got a clue for many people.
    Posted 26th March 2018 at 12:30 by indigo777 indigo777 is offline
  3. Old Comment
    Thousandmiles's Avatar
    Why don't you post this in the main forum bit, I read this yesterday, kept thinking about it all day, very thought provoking; just seen an article about 'project 84' that's been talked about on This morning today. There is obviously a need to raise more awareness of this, it is beyond heartbreaking and shows that men do suffer in silence more and possibly need a different approach to how they deal with their feelings. One thing I learned from this forum is that it helps massively to know you are not alone in this life, you really aren't. There are people who care, are willing to help, listen, offer their time, but to reach someone they need to take the first step and ask for it.
    Posted 26th March 2018 at 15:32 by Thousandmiles Thousandmiles is offline
  4. Old Comment
    Yes, I saw the item on This Morning too.I thought about it but think when I mentioned once before that men and women are different in behaviour someone seemed to think it was an attack on women and actually accused me of hating women which is ridiculous as my best and only friend is female. I fully admit the vast majority of problems may be even worse for women but think that social anxiety is one condition where the difference in behaviour is more obvious as men are still expected to not be shy and far more likely to be ridiculed for being cowards or virgins.
    Posted 26th March 2018 at 19:47 by indigo777 indigo777 is offline
  5. Old Comment
    Thousandmiles's Avatar
    I think it is to our own disadvantage not to admit that men and women aren't equal in behaviours, expectations, thought processes and thinking, it's not my job to prove anything but I think it has been proven already.
    But, what I wanted to say though, is having been on this forum for few months now, I maybe have some understanding of the community dynamics and obviously there is so much more going on what we don't see, what people don't write about. What I mean, there are thousands of members, ok only the small fraction of them current users, but you hardly see any new posts in SA section, I understand the old members have read and said everything there is to the subject and then some, but how about the new ones, the young ones, the ones who can't or won't say anything - it is so important to get important issues, topics raised, so that maybe younger people can get help sooner. So the post like your might mean so much to somebody, even if it goes unanswered, if it reaches that one person at the right time, it can change their life.
    Posted 26th March 2018 at 20:44 by Thousandmiles Thousandmiles is offline
  6. Old Comment
    I think what's wrong with our culture is that we aren't emotionally open. It's like we aren't allowed to feel certain things or think certain things,even though it's part of human nature. Idk how effective CBT can be, but I don't agree with trying to turn certain negative thoughts to positive ones as they are true or seem true. For example, someone who has always found it hard to make friends and is an easy target for bullies might feel they are unlikable and people wouldn't like them if they spoke to them. Rather than trying to tell them that thought is untrue, I think it would be better to help them be more socially presentable. Or try to understand why they may come across as unapproachable.
    Posted 21st April 2018 at 10:35 by Amara 94 Amara 94 is offline
  7. Old Comment
    Yes, if you are different you always have to fit in with the majority of the culture and society you are living within to be accepted even if you think they are wrong or you will always be an outsider. A bit like being a Brexit voter on SAUK!
    Posted 22nd April 2018 at 22:35 by indigo777 indigo777 is offline

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