So the dentist visit didn't go too bad and I dont think I made a complete idiot of myself or even came across as a creepy weirdo which is good. Of course I used up considerable anxiety counting down the hours, minutes and seconds waiting and making it much worse than it actually was which is quite normal for a mad person with anxiety. However the dentist was only able to do a check up and I am due back in tomorrow for the main event which is the extraction of the rotten decaying molar. £56 for...

So, after some time of not posting on SAUK, I have found that now, when I would like to use the forum, I am feeling really awkward about it. Am I alone in feeling this way? I guess being a social anxiety site, other members would be uncomfortable in the same situation. It's perhaps a bit of an irrational fear of mine - I worry too much about what people may think of me or how they would react towards me after being quiet for some time. Even more so, if they happen to have met me once or twice...

I think the weather and time of year plays a major part in my moods. After being away for a couple of weeks I return to almost unrelenting cloud and drizzle day after day. The only rare moment of any sun was Saturday afternoon(after rain all morning)when I went out for a walk. However a walk around town is hardly special or uplifting when I have done it so many times before. I was looking forward to autumn as it's my favourite time of year for photography with the colours of the trees and the deer...

Its so easy to sink into the abyss of depression and want to give up on everything. The light at the end of the tunnel gets forever smaller and harder to reach. Over the last few weeks and months(if not years!) my mood has nose dived so far its hard to imagine feeling normal or happy ever again. Maybe my brain has gone doodah. Sometimes I hardly sleep at all and then other days I sleep until midday. Motivation collapses and the point for continued existence is harder to find. I have tried to do...

I'm currently listening to Vivaldi's Four Seasons. Despite its popularity and resulting slagging off as nothing more than elevator music I still think it's some of the greatest music ever written and touches my soul. On monday and tuesday I got up at midday. Thats the latest I have ever gotten out of bed in my life but I was beginning to feel chronically fatigued and had taken some particular tablets the nights before. I feel like I have suddenly aged 15 years in six months. I ache and am exhausted...