Well that's a miserable title! I think I'm dreadfully lonely and I dont quite have the courage to fully feel it.

I think there is merit in feeling all of one's feelings, if such feelings can be witnessed with sufficient detachment. I think I tend to get overwhelmed and carried away with stories about how my life has imploded into total failure status in recent years.

How I've missed the flow of my own creation and am banked up on the shingle, stuck, hopeless, useless....

Met with a potentially new therapist yesterday. I've been in and out of talking therapy for over a decade, sometimes I'd keep the same therapist for a year, two years, its generally massively helpful and I feel I do best with an open person centred approach. This time, a GP referal, they offered me CBT, a few measly sessions, I wasnt over keen but hey-ho one is grateful and accepts what is.

In the treatment room, I had a panic attack that lasted 30 out of the 45 minutes we had together....