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Phone frenzy: Life is what you make it

Posted 8th March 2011 at 23:58 by Drimma

Phone Frenzy; I set out on a mission to call all my buddies on the phone today (5th Sat).

Anxious I was willing the automated voice to ask me to leave
a message.

I pressed call and the traditional "Dring Dring" echoed back down the nervous line. To appease my nervous I'd waited till I was on my way to the shops to call. "Dring, Dring". Something about being in motion and the reduced risk of having eavesdroppers, "Dring, Dring". My anxiety though still reached fever pitch and I was willing the sweet automated voice to ask me to leave a message , "Dring, Dring". And to think this was a fri-

"Yoooo Drima"

"Hi Steve, how's it going mate..."

Though I was calling to cancel a visit the conversation went well and was coloured by pleasant and frivolous generalities and I assured him that the financial woes that forbade me this current visit would not interfere with our long planned tryst for which he was already out of pocket. Short and pleasant it left me willing for more.

"Dring, Dring" I'd bumped into Emanuel in town a few days ago and he'd bought me a latte so we could catch-up on the long interval that separated our last laugh together and the present. "Dring, Dring" a mild mannered chap he was seeking a "big bible" to repent for having indulged in the temptations of red-blooded youth. "Dring, - This is the voice-mail for..." I was half relieved, not because I didn't want to speak to him but just the pay-off from the deflation of anxiety. I left a message but I wasn't done yet.

"Dring, Dring" midweek I'd wilfully neglected her call preferring to text instead. "Dring, Dring" now I hoped the favour wouldn't be returned as I was on a personal mission to talk to all my close friends today. "Dring, Dring" our phone conversations were few and far between and rarely instigated by me - online being my social hub of choice where I chatted with greater ease and frequency.

"Hello, Drima OMG I was just talking about you"

"Wow, no way - really?"

"Yea, I was just telling my mate about how you make me laugh"

"Awww you sweetheart, I was thinking of you too - so I picked up the phone"

The dallying persisted up until we arranged for next time, though there is nothing greater to divine from it; we are strictly friends - and I prefer it that way too. Emanuel called me back whilst I was sifting through Sainsbury's exorbitant prices [most breads now aren't even under a pound] and we talked about this and the other in the general sense of answering "Hello, how are you?" This is a friendship I'd like to rekindle though it awaits to be seen if my nerves will betray me.

Kyle didn't answer and I couldn't leave a message but Eric got my message and returned my call after his working day. The two were my two closest friends for the longest time but some two plus month had elapsed before I'd spoken or seen either. Eric and I arranged to meet up and catch up over the up coming football (today Barca V Arsenal). But my greatest success was with Bob a close friend of my family, he offered to pay a visit straight away and was there within a couple of hours. We are not overly close but as a family friend he's been to my house on numerous occasions and so it's with ease I welcomed him and entertained - watching a film and he introducing me to the latest Kenyan music. He was also there the following day to make a trio with Joe and I to watch the thrashing of Man U by Liverpool - the only low of the day.

Other soldiers in the same struggle

"Dring, Dring" I'd made one last call before Bob made his impromptu visit; Jay an old workmate with whom I'd gotten very close to as to be invited to his family gatherings as well as wedding. "Dring, Dring" though only twenty two he is now a fully fledged family man with a wife, kid, mortgage and fulltime employment from his father in-law though all those commitments are not what really kept us from seeing each other. "Dring, Dring" Feeling injured I'd been keeping my distance due to a few clashes between his youthful bravado and my dull reticence and social ineptitudes. Though he was wholly and blissfully oblivious that I might have taken offence.

"Heeeeey Drima, long time are you?" I could sense his smile on the other end, a highly affable lad - he'd made friends with all the nurses where we worked - it was good to see his youthful exuberance not dulled one note by family life.

"Hi Jay I'm good, how are you? How's the baby? The wife?" By now I'd even forgotten what offence I'd taken with him. We arranged to meet and as ever he welcomed me right into his fold.

"Hey come over tomorrow, my dad is bringing us a Sunday roast diner, I'll just tell him to make more" I'm not one to turn down free food so the scene was set.

However the plans changed with just as great an ease as they were forged and he showed up to my house for breakfast Sunday morning instead with his gorgeous little girl. She is absolutely adorable with tiny little features on her tiny little face underscored by her tiny little whisper of a voice. It's easy to tell he spoils her rotten but then again so would I. They stayed for a while, played me his music he's been making and I in turn showed him YouTube clips I'd liked; not much change there - he's still a doer in life, I an observer and the gulf between our fortunes illustrate this point clearly.

So there I'd been lonely for a while whilst within reach of my phone were several friendly faces and embraces waiting. The world is not bad, it's something within - I can't fool myself though this gregarious episode is not my first. I've had countless intermittently but still something in my "noddle cracker" refuses to accept this set of affairs as the true and real default reality: the world outside is waiting and willing, life is what you make it.

Just today, a couple of days since the phone calls, I planned to call Kyle who hadn't answered, only to be meet with that nagging feeling. I found myself hesitant, avoidant - I'll do it right after this - and as before I've yet to do it, though I placate myself pitifully - it's too late now I'll do it tomorrow.
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