The Wisdom of Crowds
Posted 8th June 2014 at 23:15 by indigo777
I am not sure I like being near people regardless of my SA. In a crowd I am always looking for an escape route, a way out or some peace and quiet on my own where I feel comfortable. Exposure therapy only seems to work if I am not anxious thus defying the whole point. If I could force myself to smile, make eye contact and talk fluently in social situations I would not have SA in the first place. In reality I often come across as Mr Beans more socially inept brother which other people often dont hide their amusement over and which makes my avoidance and resulting SA much worse, not better. Exposure to failure results in more failure not success. Perhaps this therapy hides the fact that so many people are really complete piss taking bastards and not nice at all(or maybe that was just the people I worked with).
I also feel like they(other people) are giving off vibes or energy which irritates or annoys me whenever close. There was some kind of festival near the river today and I went as I take photos of everything.I often force myself to go out rather than hide away but now realise that this is in no way a cure or even help any more. I am not one of those photographers that can go and stick their lens in peoples faces and tell them how great they are and smile and make people feel good.(well I would not be on SAUK if I was!) Even when people pose for me I feel awkward and dont know what to do next apart from walk off feeling even more awkward. I wish I could learn to relax and not care yet it has never gone away.I am beginning to realise it never will entirely no matter what. Better to be a wildlife photographer in remote forest with no humans for 100 miles. Wildlife I can more easily deal with(unless it tries to eat me.)
[IMG]https://farm4.staticflickr.com/3924/14188449287_17eda0a6e4_b.jpg[/IMG]
[IMG]https://farm4.staticflickr.com/3912/14374891905_aa23a7950a_b.jpg[/IMG]
[IMG]https://farm6.staticflickr.com/5571/14389369273_789a5f5ab0_b.jpg[/IMG]
I also feel like they(other people) are giving off vibes or energy which irritates or annoys me whenever close. There was some kind of festival near the river today and I went as I take photos of everything.I often force myself to go out rather than hide away but now realise that this is in no way a cure or even help any more. I am not one of those photographers that can go and stick their lens in peoples faces and tell them how great they are and smile and make people feel good.(well I would not be on SAUK if I was!) Even when people pose for me I feel awkward and dont know what to do next apart from walk off feeling even more awkward. I wish I could learn to relax and not care yet it has never gone away.I am beginning to realise it never will entirely no matter what. Better to be a wildlife photographer in remote forest with no humans for 100 miles. Wildlife I can more easily deal with(unless it tries to eat me.)
[IMG]https://farm4.staticflickr.com/3924/14188449287_17eda0a6e4_b.jpg[/IMG]
[IMG]https://farm4.staticflickr.com/3912/14374891905_aa23a7950a_b.jpg[/IMG]
[IMG]https://farm6.staticflickr.com/5571/14389369273_789a5f5ab0_b.jpg[/IMG]
Total Comments 2
Comments
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'I often force myself to go out rather than hide away but now realise that this is in no way a cure or even help any more'
Indigo, I find this thought quite liberating? True for me also, I prefer to extend myself socially when the deep and true inner impulse arises as a fresh thought or intuition, rather than imposing action on myself.
Go gently, I think it has to be OK to be where we are. The deep sensitivity and awareness you appear to have as expressed through nature connection is a tremendous gift.
I'd like to believe that at some point this sensitivity and connection could be expressed in relationship with more people and accompanied by a sense of safety, to experience belonging. As a mammal the paradox of needing and yet feeling overwhelmed by people is confusing to say the least!
Maybe a large group of 'strangers' in stimulating conditions will never be appropriate - I offer you kudos for trying something new, is there a hope behind that?
Sorry for hijacking your blog and hope my comments are not intrusive or offensive.
Peacefully
Posted 9th June 2014 at 06:18 by Star Rainbow 
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Quote:Originally Posted by Star Rainbow
'I often force myself to go out rather than hide away but now realise that this is in no way a cure or even help any more'
Indigo, I find this thought quite liberating? True for me also, I prefer to extend myself socially when the deep and true inner impulse arises as a fresh thought or intuition, rather than imposing action on myself.
Hmm, I also wonder if we think we should be doing things all the time to help cure our SA and we then become obsessive and forget there is nothing wrong with alone time as well.The mind becomes confused under constant stress.
I often wonder if these feelings are special or just meaningless if not a shared experience.Quote:Go gently, I think it has to be OK to be where we are. The deep sensitivity and awareness you appear to have as expressed through nature connection is a tremendous gift.
Yes, finding like minded people has been very hard though. I have one true friend but have found myself as lost on here and other forums as I have in the real world, sometimes it seems worse and even more lonely.Quote:I'd like to believe that at some point this sensitivity and connection could be expressed in relationship with more people and accompanied by a sense of safety, to experience belonging. As a mammal the paradox of needing and yet feeling overwhelmed by people is confusing to say the least!
Maybe, after all most of the people I see at such events are in groups or couples. There are not many true loners around. It may be easier with just one friend to attend such events rather than in a group. However I am not young anymore and wonder how much longer I have left to achieve anything worthwhile.Quote:Maybe a large group of 'strangers' in stimulating conditions will never be appropriate - I offer you kudos for trying something new, is there a hope behind that?
No, not at all and thanks for commenting. I often suspect that I am just writing these random thoughts purely for myself so any other opinion is valued and appreciated. Thank you.Quote:Sorry for hijacking your blog and hope my comments are not intrusive or offensive.
Peacefully
Posted 9th June 2014 at 23:00 by indigo777
